Widowhood and Finding Your Way Forward with Mia Godfrey

In this episode of Seeing Death Clearly, death doula and funeral celebrant Jill McClennen talks with life coach, author, and publisher Mia Godfrey about what it means to rebuild your life after profound loss. Mia's story is one of resilience, but it isn't a story of "getting over" grief. Instead, it's about learning to carry loss while continuing to move forward.

Mia shares what it was like growing up in communist Romania, losing her father as a young adult, and struggling with alcohol and prescription pills as she tried to cope with overwhelming grief. She reflects on meeting her late husband during a mission trip, moving to the United States, and the devastating shock of becoming a widow at just 35 years old when he died unexpectedly from heat stroke at the age of 42.

The conversation also explores Mia's experience caring for her sister during an 11-month battle with ovarian cancer before her death in 2023. That loss eventually led Mia to begin therapy, opening another chapter in her own healing journey. Together, Jill and Mia discuss how grief changes throughout our lives, why every loss is different, and how support can come from unexpected places.

Throughout the episode, they explore the importance of community, the courage it takes to ask for help, and why comparing grief only creates more suffering. Mia shares how writing became part of her healing process, eventually leading her and her husband to start Scribble Pages Publishing, where they help others tell their own stories and preserve their legacies.

Jill and Mia also talk about caregiving, self-care, holding space for someone who is grieving without trying to fix their pain, and why conversations about death and end-of-life planning are ultimately conversations about love. They discuss the value of legacy work, preparing loved ones for the future, and creating meaning even after life's most difficult experiences.

Whether you've experienced the death of a spouse, parent, sibling, or another significant loss—or you're supporting someone who has—this episode offers compassionate insights into grief, resilience, healing, and finding hope after unimaginable change.

00:00 Grief Is Personal

01:30 Meet Jill And Mia

02:13 Sudden Loss Of Husband

04:57 Faith And Community Support

06:39 Starting Over Alone

13:19 Father Loss And Addiction

18:34 Orphanage Work And Education

19:28 New Life In America

21:33 Caring For Sister

23:37 Remarriage And Blended Family

26:10 Sister Loss Grief

27:29 Therapy To Book

28:52 Self Publishing Journey

29:53 Writing Routine Evolution

30:15 Books Two And Three

31:51 Lessons From Grief

35:05 Holding Space Better

38:42 Wellness Coaching Focus

42:02 Retreats And Courses

43:18 Where To Find Mia

44:08 Publishing Others Next

46:01 Unexpected Global Readers

47:21 Caregiver Self-Care

48:47 Podcast Closing Call

https://www.instagram.com/miagodfreyauthor/

https://www.amazon.com/Buried-Not-Broken-Survival-Sisterhood/dp/B0G6Y12J29

miagodfrey.com

Transcript

Mia: [00:00:00] Don't compare your grief with anybody else because it's so different. It's okay to take your own journey to healing because it's not one size fits all. It's everybody at different times and different moment, and it looks different, and you have to accept that and understand it. 

Jill: Welcome back to Seeing Death Clearly.

I'm your host, Jill McClennen, a death doula and funeral celebrant. Here on my show, I have conversations that explore death, dying, grief, and life itself with the hope of making these topics feel a little less intimidating and a little more approachable. My goal is to create a space where you can challenge what you think you know, learn something new, and feel more prepared for life's most difficult moments.

Today's conversation is a reminder that grief often comes in waves, and each loss shapes us in a different way. My guest, Mia Godfrey, shares her journey of growing up in communist Romania, losing her father at a young [00:01:00] age, struggling with addiction, unexpectedly losing her husband at just 42 years old, and later caring for her sister before saying goodbye to her as well.

We talk about the role of community, the courage it takes to ask for help, how therapy became part of Mia's healing, and what it really means to rebuild a life after profound loss. Her story is one of resilience, hope, and finding a way forward even when life takes unimaginable turns. Thank you for joining us for this conversation.

Welcome, Mia, to the podcast. Thank you for coming on today. Can you tell us a little bit about who you are, where you come from, anything like that you wanna share? 

Mia: Thank you so much for having me, Jill. So my name is Mia Godfrey. I'm originally from Romania. I am the youngest of 10 children, and I've been here in the United States for 17 years, since 2008.

Jill: And what brought you to the United States? 

Mia: I actually met my late husband, I met him [00:02:00] when I was still in Romania. I was a manager at a children's home. So he came for a visit on a mission trip, and from there, a year later we were married. 

Jill: Oh, that's wonderful. I love that. Yeah. And you did say it's your late husband, so- Yes

I know he passed away. Was that recently? 

Mia: He passed away in 2015 after seven years of marriage. 

Jill: Oh, I'm so sorry. Was it sudden and unexpected, or was he ill? 

Mia: Yes. It w- it was sudden. He was 42 years old, and he was a lieutenant for the police department here in Knoxville, and he had a heat stroke. 

Jill: I'm so sorry.

That is one of those things that 42 is so young- 42 ... and yeah, sudden, and I know you wrote a book. Is the book that you wrote about your story with your husband, or it's like a broader story as well? 

Mia: So I grew up under the communist regime in Romania, and this book, it's a collection of [00:03:00] stories mostly living under the communist regime.

Mm-hmm. Highlights, you know, trauma and abuse and addiction, grief. There are also a few chapters about the loss of my husband, the loss of my sister, the loss of my father. So it does highlight more of an overview of my life from Romania under the communist regime till today. 

Jill: Yeah, that is something that I think a lot of Americans, we can't imagine what that is like, living like that.

And you were young, so I'm sure it really impacted you and who you are. 

Mia: It's been, but through every single chapter in the book, it actually shows God's grace, God's love and resilience. Through everything we went through, that actually, it shows how God protected us, 'cause it could have been so much worse.

Jill: Hmm. Were you religious growing up, 

Mia: or...? My family [00:04:00] grew up under, it was called the Brethren's. I, I don't know exactly what that would be translated here in America. But I started going to a Baptist church when I was 18 years old. Before that, I went to my mom's church. 

Jill: So there's Baptist churches in Romania?

Mia: Now there are more. So Romania is, like, over 85% of Romanians, they're Greek Orthodox. 

Jill: Okay. 

Mia: And there are some, like, Pentecostal and Baptist and, but not, not a whole lot. Not, not what people would think. Yeah. Not, not like here, anyway, in America. 

Jill: Yeah, 'cause that's... I mean, when I think Baptist, I think, you know, the South, the East of the United States, 'cause even where I'm at in New Jersey, there was one Baptist Church near me, and I think I know one family that went to the Baptist Church.

The rest of us were all Catholic. There's a lot of Catholics in New Jersey. So actually, I did not know that. And when your [00:05:00] husband died, did you lean more into your faith, or did you go the opposite direction that I sometimes hear, where people really get a little angry and wonder why God would do something like that?

Mia: Well, I went through a lot of stages of grief. So when I lost my father, that was the first time I kinda spiraled out of control a little bit, and I turned towards alcohol and pills. And at the time, I had no help from the community. I didn't know where to go get the proper tools, and the only way I knew how to numb that grief was through alcohol.

Mm-hmm. When I lost my husband, we were now members of a church until three months prior to her passing. And I see that as God orchestrating to make sure I had some support, because three months prior to his passing, we were actually in this church, [00:06:00] and out of nowhere he said, "We're walking up front. We're gonna become members."

And I was like, "Really? Just like that? Can we just talk about it?" And he said, "I don't know. It's something about it. We need to walk up front today." And I was like, "O- okay." Mm. And then we got home, and I said, "What just happened?" Like, we didn't even talk about, we didn't... But three months later, when he passed, they were like- So many people from the community, specifically a lot of them from that church, that came and they, they brought food, they brought supplies for, like, six months.

They kinda took me under their wing and, and helped me out. But a lot of people don't know when I became a widow, I had to start from scratch with absolutely everything because my husband was the one who say, "You know what? I'll take care of the finances. I'll take care of everything." And I was going to. I had a full-time job.

I had a car. But I didn't [00:07:00] really ever logged into our bank account or to know how to pay the mortgage, know how to pay the bills. So when he passed, I had to start and learn all of that from, from scratch. I had to start from scratch. But I was truly blessed to have the police department assign a liaison to me to help me figure things out.

I also have friends from work and church that stepped in as a community and helped me. I was only 35 years old. 

Jill: Hmm. That's very young to become a widow. And so many people, I think, are in your boat. Like, not... I do log into our bank account occasionally, but- 

Mia: Yeah ... 

Jill: my husband mainly takes care of everything.

Yeah. It's just, in some ways, easier than having both of us trying to do everything and then being like, "Well, did you do it? Did I do it? I don't know who did it." Yeah. Yeah. So he takes care of it. And even knowing [00:08:00] what I know about the fact that people die suddenly every day, I'm still not as prepared for it as I should be.

Mm. Because I do realize that every day people's husbands die suddenly, and then all of a sudden you're left with a lot of things to take care of on top of grieving. Mm. But I love that that community came out for you. We see such a loss of community here in the United States. And I think that's the only thing, like, I'm...

I don't go to church anymore. Yeah. I haven't been a practicing Catholic probably in 30 years, 'cause I'm 47 now and I think I left the church when I was about 17 or 18. And that is the part that I miss. I miss the singing, too. I used to love the singing- Yeah ... in church. But I miss the community aspect of it, and we don't find that as much in other places, you know?

Yeah. I love that they did that. Six months is a l- nice [00:09:00] time to have people really support you. And you said the police department assigned a liaison. What was that part like? 

Mia: So they assigned sergeant, a liaison, to actually come to my house at least once a week and go over a list, "Hey- Have you made sure that, okay, you know how to pay the mortgage?

How about the bills? If you need to hire an attorney for the estate, if you need to ... So every single part when somebody's passing away, they had a list with everything that I needed to have done. So she stayed with me for about six months as well to kind of figure out things. And I ... In the beginning I said, "I'll go back to Romania," because that's all I knew.

That was my comfort zone. And I tried to go back home, and I've learned after he passed away that I, I actually lost my citizenship in Romania, and I had [00:10:00] no rights there. So if I went home, I could only stayed a few months at a time, then come back and renew my, my visa. But that was something that, again, when I came to the States, we did all the paperwork together to become a citizen, and we did not use an attorney.

And we submitted the wrong one, wrong paperwork, where I didn't submit for dual citizenship. I just submitted to have citizenship here in the States. So for me, the option to go back home to everything I knew, that was not an option. 

Jill: Oh my gosh, so you lost your husband and you lost the ability to have the life that you knew.

Those are two major losses. 

Mia: Yeah. 

Jill: Mm. 

Mia: And, and that's why I say that it was a God thing. I believe that He had that feeling, hey, we need to become members somewhere. 

Jill: Mm. 

Mia: Because I think God knew that I needed [00:11:00] some type of support. I needed a community, because I wouldn't have known where to go or what to do.

And I have people from that church, they used to come. They became dear, dear friends of mine now. But they used to come to my door, leave food at the door, knock, and then run. Go to the car. And just ... I used to get a message, "Hey, there's something at the door for you," and it used to be soup or a warm meal.

They truly, truly stepped in and embraced me how I was as a foreigner, and took care of me until I was able to kinda function on my own. Because you're right, going through grief, there were so many emotions on top of the grief, on top of questioning why am I here in the States, why ... When my family's back home and I had no family at all, it was- some level of anger [00:12:00] as well.

Like, why, why did this happen? But now I see it when I look back, because I've learned from it so much that now it's my turn to help anybody who's starting over. And it's not necessarily just through grief. Divorce is some type of grief also that you need to learn how to really, how to function on your own pretty much, and you have to say goodbye to your old life, and it's- 

Jill: Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Divorce is a, a death of a relationship, and so it- Yeah ... definitely brings grief with it. And the having to learn how to be a different person, because I know I've talked to widows, but also people that have gotten divorces where they'll say their whole friend group is now gone, because everybody did everything as couples, and then once somebody does not have that [00:13:00] partner, they're not part of a couple anymore.

They not only lost their relationship or their spouse, now they've also lost a lot of their friends and the life that they had. So there's just one loss on top of another, on top of another. 

Mia: Yeah. Yeah. So true. So true. 

Jill: And how old were you when your father died? 

Mia: I was 18 when my father died. 

Jill: Mm. Yeah, that's young.

And you said you turned to alcohol and drugs, which a lot of people do, because it's easier to numb the pain than to deal with it. What got you to ... Did you go for professional help or, like, how did you- No ... get away from- 

Mia: In Romania, yeah, in Romania we didn't have any of that. Even to this point, most of my friends and family, they don't believe in therapy or counseling and life coaching, and here I am a life coach, but they still don't believe in that.

They believe that if you struggle with [00:14:00] something, you need to fix it at home under your own roof. They used to say, "Tough it out, buttercup, everybody goes through it, and if you have dirty laundry, just wash them at home. World doesn't need to know." And I went through ... My life kind of spiraled out of control.

I went through a few extremely abusive relationships when I left home, and it wasn't until my mid-20s that I had to leave one of the relationship because he left one of my friends pregnant, and we were engaged, and I said, "You know what? There's no turning back now. Like, he's gonna be a father." So I had to pack up my bag, and I end up going about, I don't know, 500 miles away to a college.

The reason I picked that college is because they allow me to Stay there [00:15:00] overnight. They had dorms. And at that time, you couldn't find that many that they will actually house you. It just happened that that college that I went to, it was owned by some missionaries, Baptist missionaries, and they were the ones that also owned the children's home.

So what I did, I end up taking three jobs in order to pay for the college. So I was working as administrative assistant, I was working at the orphanage, and I was cleaning homes during the weekends, and I was constantly just go, go, go, go. Never had a break. And I think what helped me, having always people around me and having children around me and having that accountability that, okay, if I am going to get caught drinking at the orphanage or at the school, I'm gonna lose everything.

I'm not gonna have a place to stay. And in my [00:16:00] mind at the time, early 20s, I thought if anything like that will happen, I'll end up homeless and I'll bring shame to my family. I never thought through it that I was always accepted to go back home. But in my young mind, I was so afraid that I'm gonna disappoint them, and I was so afraid that I'm gonna bring shame to my family that I didn't see at the time And that could be an option.

Now fast-forward over 20 years later, and I'm thinking like, that was always an option. If you read the book, you will see that my family did nothing but did the best that they can to embrace us with love and be there for us. But the biggest thing, I think subconsciously, I just didn't wanna disappoint them.

So no, I did not have, like, professional help, but it was more like fear motivation that, hey, I can make it one day. [00:17:00] And I'm not saying it was easy, because it was a vicious cycle to fight those demons. I was always like, be clean for a few weeks and then try it again, and it was constantly over and over.

But now I will always encourage people, look, there's more people around us that are dealing with their own demons. It's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to talk about your struggles, because there's more people will step in to help you than not. And, you know, it's... I, I don't look at it as shameful anymore.

I don't look at it as, as disappointing anybody. I'm looking at it more like I am human. We're all human. We're all make mistakes. We all go through hardships, and we all battle our own demons. And unless we were open and honest about it, how can we expect for others to open up [00:18:00] to us for us to help them if we're not honest with ourselves?

Jill: No, you're right. We all have our own demons, and we're also so quick to judge other people- Yeah ... that, you know, I can understand wanting to maybe hide it from your family out of fear that you'll disappoint them and feeling that sense of shame, and then you end up losing that support system that would have been there for you.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that is, that is a difficult, difficult situation. You said you were at an orphanage that you were working at? 

Mia: Yes. 

Jill: Yeah, and how long were you there? 

Mia: Three years. 

Jill: Wow. Three years. That must have been a tough job, too, to work with children and- 

Mia: It was. It was tough, but in the same time, it was one of the most rewarding jobs I've ever had.

Because no matter how hard it was getting up at 5:00 AM and trying to study, trying to get breakfast ready, get the kids ready for school, [00:19:00] and then getting ready and go to college myself, I felt in that job that I could make a difference. And I always says if I could impact just one, one out of those kids, it would be worth it.

So it was truly, truly rewarding to work with the kids. 

Jill: Mm-hmm. I'm sure it was. What did you go to college for? 

Mia: It was a Baptist college, and it was... I, I just got my degree in education. I actually came here and I, about nine months into being here, I bought a dictionary. I started learning English really well so I can get my driving license, and I really wanted to get a job because I was like, "I can't stay home."

And I first offered as volunteers to help at different churches, and I realized that teaching here is completely different than Romania. Mm-hmm. And I decide to try something different, and I apply for a cell phone company at their contact center. And I was like, well, I [00:20:00] kinda need practice anyway with my English, so I'll just go to a few interviews.

Well, it just happened that I got the job, and 17 years I'm still at that company. I'm their talent acquisitions operations manager. However, I went back to school after my sister passed, and I got my certification in counseling and as an EMI practitioner, which is globally life coaching, and it's actually accredited compared with the other ones there.

I had all my credential did not transfer from Romania, so I had to pretty much start from scratch here. Mm-hmm. So I did get my certification. I'm actually still going to school to get more certification that will help with the life coaching. 

Jill: Yeah, I feel like I'm... There's so much to learn, right? Yeah.

There's always something more to learn, and so I just enjoy learning anyway. Nice. 

Mia: I 

Jill: feel like there's just more and more that I could add to my toolbox. [00:21:00] of ways that can help people, right? It's like I wanna - Yeah ... learn things that I can use to then help people. And I'm not a life coach, but sometimes when I explain to people that I'm a death doula, and they don't really know what it is, I'll say, "It's almost like an end-of-life coach, where a lot of the things are similar, but it's just very focused on working with people at the end of life or dealing with their fears and their anxieties around the end of life."

So similar work- Yeah ... in some ways. Um- 

Mia: Yes. Yes, it is. 

Jill: And when your sister died, she died from ovarian cancer, is that correct? 

Mia: Yes. Yeah. 

Jill: Oh. Was she still in Romania? 

Mia: No, actually my sister, she was living in Montana, so when she got diagnosed, I flew there with my husband from Tennessee to Montana, and the doctor said she needs immediately surgery.

So I stayed in [00:22:00] Montana, and for 11 months I was traveling back and forth as much as I could here at home, but I stayed the majority of time in Montana and be one of her caretaker. 

Jill: Oh, wow. And how long was she alive from diagnosis to- 

Mia: 11 months 

Jill: So 11 months total. Wow. 

Mia: Yeah. Right after the surgery, which it happened extremely fast, so got diagnosed in January, had the surgery in January, started her chemo three weeks later, which normally it's month.

And the doctor said, you know, she will live three, max six months, but she, she survived 11 months. And 

Jill: she- 

Mia: Wow ... I'm grateful for that time we had together. 

Jill: Yeah. It's a big job, though, to care for somebody like that, especially if you're traveling back and forth. It's not easy when you live close by, but it's definitely not easy when you have to travel like that.

Mia: I was trying to go [00:23:00] home at least once a month, and my husband was coming to stay with me for the weekend at least once a month. So it was extremely hard to also be away from the kids, because our daughter was getting ready to get married, and- Oh ... you know, all the weddings preparations, and my husband's sister stepped in to actually go to all the meetings with her and- To make sure that, you know, we're not taking away from her celebration.

Jill: And your sister died in 2023? 

Mia: 2023, November. 

Jill: Mm, so that's still pretty recent. And you're remarried now? This is your second husband? 

Mia: Yes. I remarried in '20, and I adopted my husband's children. They're grown-ups, 25 and 22. Mm. But it's a true honor. 

Jill: That's beautiful. Fam- a family, you know- Yeah ... that you're now part of.

You know? Doesn't replace- Yeah ... a loss, [00:24:00] but- 

Mia: Mm ... 

Jill: it just kinda helps you continue, especially since you're so young. You know, helps you continue with life and ... Was it somebody- Yeah ... from your church that you met, or where'd you meet your husband? 

Mia: Actually, yes. That's the church that took care of me. I wanted to get involved and do more since they've always been there, and they helped me so much.

And I ask if I can be part of the security team. So after the background check, I became part of the security team. Well, also, he was the person who was doing all the cameras and the security, so we were able to form a friendship, and we went from there. 

Jill: Oh, beautiful. That makes me happy- Yeah ... you found somebody- Yeah, yeah

in such a nice, organic way. 

Mia: Very, very. Because even when we were friends, some of my friends were like, "You need to meet this guy. You need to go out with him," and I was like, "No." At this point, I was single four years and I said, "No, I will never remarry. [00:25:00] No." Mm-hmm. Like, I have my love. I'm fine. But then us just getting to know each other organically, like, not even a year later after my friends said that, when he asked me, I was like, "You know what?

What's the worst thing if we go on one date?" 

Jill: Hmm. 

Mia: And at the second date, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and he said the same thing. He told me later on that that, when he was at the second date, he said, "Yep, I wanna spend the rest of my life with her," and three months later, we were engaged.

Jill: And so your one daughter is married. Congratulations. 

Mia: Thank you. She got married in September of 2023. September what? 

Jill: Yes. So the anniversary's in September? 

Mia: 23 

Jill: Oh, okay. 'Cause mine's- Yeah ... September 5th, but I just celebrated my 20-year anniversary, which- 

Mia: Congratulations. 

Jill: Thank you. I know. It's been wild. Time flies by.

I don't, I don't even [00:26:00] feel 20 years old sometimes, you know? Like, I ... I'm like, how could I- Right ... like, aren't I just still 17? But- Right ... I'm not 17 still. 

Mia: Yeah. 

Jill: And after your sister died, what was that like for you, the grief? 

Mia: So early on in the process she said, "Look, everybody's telling me that this type of cancer is like a death sentence, but I need you to promise me that all through the treatment you're gonna believe in me, that I'm gonna heal."

Jill: Mm. 

Mia: So I was the only one in her corner. If anybody said anything, it's like, "No, we're gonna beat this. We're gonna beat this." I think deep down I always knew that I was just speaking to make her feel comfortable. And during that she encouraged me. She say, "You know, there were so many stories that when we were kids we promised we're gonna take with us to the grave."

She said that, "You know, I think [00:27:00] we need to write them in a book." And we were talking about stories from our childhood. When she passed away, I came home and I told my husband, "I've experienced loss before, but this time it's different. She knew me, my sister Mona knew me before the world did. She was the one that I've called every morning, and I call her in the evenings on my way home from work every single night."

And I was like, "I really don't know where to go from here. I've completely lost my purpose." So he encouraged me to see a therapist. And in my mind, I was like, "No, like, I'm just gonna talk about..." So I remember I was sitting across from my therapist and tears were coming down my face, and I was like, "What am I even doing here?

Like, I don't wanna be here." Mm-hmm. But she was so gentle and so sweet, and the way she asked me helped me open [00:28:00] up, and I told her about my sister's wish, that she wanted to write the book. Mm-hmm. And she said, "Well, are you gonna do it?" And I'm like, "Yeah. No, I don't even know where to start." And she said, "How about start writing in your journal?

Before you see me next week, write one of those stories in the journal." And I did, and I went back the week after and she didn't say nothing, so I continued to write in my journal. And about three months after seeing this therapist, she say, "Hey, can I see some of the things you put in your journal?" I was horrified.

I was like, "I don't... No." But she said, "Okay, then show to your husband. Show somebody." So I showed to my husband. He was overwhelmed with emotions and said, "This is really good, honey." So I worked up the courage to show my therapist, and she said, "You need to publish it," which it was such a foreign concept. I just decided right then that I'm gonna self-publish because I did not want the rights of the book to be [00:29:00] changed or I didn't want anything to be changing the stories.

My husband and I end up opening our own publishing company. Oh. Scribble Publishing. So we put the book through it. Now we submitted the second manuscript, and they went through all the editing, and we're hoping by the summer we can advertise and start putting the second book for pre-order. And as soon as that's the case, I'm gonna submit the third one.

So I will forever be grateful for my sister and my therapist that encouraged me to do that, because now I feel like a part of me is gonna continue to keep her light so alive and continue her legacy as well. 

Jill: You said it, there's a second and a third book? 

Mia: Yeah. 

Jill: Oh, wow. Oh, that's amazing. That's a lot of writing, too.

Mia: Yeah. That's my early morning time. Oh. It's amazing how much I can do from 4:30 AM to 7:00 AM. [00:30:00] Yeah. It's a good time. 

Jill: So you get up in the morning and you write your stories. Yeah, that's a great way to start the day. Yeah. And do you still do it almost like journaling, or like has the way that you've written changed over the years?

Mia: Yes. So when I did it in 20- it was pretty much putting my heart on a piece of paper, telling the stories of my childhood The second book, it's a collection of stories. It's geared towards couples, and there's a collection of stories from my husband's perspective when he was going through singleness, and single father, and loneliness.

And in the end of each chapter, there are key takeaways and lessons he learned through hardship. And then there's collection of stories from my singleness of me being a widow, and then the key takeaways, the lesson I've learned. And in the last chapters, they're us coming together as a [00:31:00] couple and encourage other couples in regard

based on the lessons we've learned. The third book is completely different from the first two, 'cause first one is more like a memoir, and second is for couple, but the third book, it starts with a challenge... Each chapter starts with a challenging question, and then there's a story from my life. And then there are lessons learned through that, and then it's a workbook.

It has two to three pages with a provoking, challenging question to the reader for them to dive a little bit deep. So, it has a little bit of counseling in it or life coaching. Yes, and it will be turned into a course eventually. 

Jill: So, you're gonna turn it into, like, a one-on-one course, or is it gonna be like a group kind of- 

Mia: More group coaching.

Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. 

Jill: And what are some of the lessons that you learned after your husband died, going through the grieving [00:32:00] process, then losing your sister as well? What are some of the main lessons that you think you've learned? 

Mia: Well, through every stage, I think it's like I was in different season, different age, different lesson.

So, when my husband passed, when Robert passed, one of the biggest lessons that I've learned, you know, I, I fought so much for survival, and grief, and loneliness that I wish I would've known how to ask for help earlier. I wish I would've known... Now, I know that it's okay to be vulnerable, but I pretty much shut down, and that has a lot to do with my upbringing that you have to keep everything so close to your heart, and don't let anybody know your business.

And I was going to work, doing my thing, and then I used to stay locked up in the house, didn't go absolutely anywhere. And those days in my bed, eating snacks, [00:33:00] or like- I became very antisocial. And the biggest thing I u- used to tell myself as an excuse, "I don't wanna put my burden on others." But the truth is, when I look back now, others have more wisdom because they already been through it.

Mm-hmm. And the burden will not be on them. It will actually help them help ... If they help you, I don't look at them anymore as putting a burden on them. I'm simply borrowing some of their wisdom so I can get through and keep my head above water. So that was the lesson, to be more open, more vulnerable. With my sister, like I said, she, she was my lifeline, and it hit me in a completely different...

I thought I knew grief, I thought I knew loneliness, but it was so different from when I lost my father to when I lost my first husband to when I lost my sister. Every [00:34:00] single grief was different. So one of the biggest lessons that I've learned is don't compare your grief with anybody else, because it's so different.

It's okay to take your own journey to healing, because it's not one size fits all. It hits everybody at different times and different moments, and it looks different, and you have to accept that and understand it. And once again, let other people step in and help you, because a lot of them have so much more experience in that area than I've ever did.

I wouldn't say that every advice was a good advice, so take everything with a grain of salt. I have people come, he's like, "Oh, I know exactly what you feel, 'cause I lost my dog a few weeks ago, too." And to me was like, I'm sorry, what? So that is one of the thing, like, it's better sometimes, don't say nothing, just give a hug and be present and hold [00:35:00] space for that person.

But don't necessarily try to compare your grief with their grief. 

Jill: Yeah, and that's such a challenge, because I feel like sometimes people say things like that because they feel like it's a way to connect. 

Mia: Yeah. 

Jill: But it doesn't land that way. It makes it- Feel like the person's, yeah, like you said, comparing something that can't be compared anyway.

I mean, even somebody that's had the exact same three losses as you, you can't compare it because it's different. Your life experiences are different. Like you said, the ages and the stages you were at in life 

Mia: The relationship 

Jill: The, all the things about the relationship beforehand are gonna affect the loss.

You know? Some people have such complicated relationships with their parents and their spouses and their siblings Yeah And so it's like, how do we empathize with the humanity [00:36:00] of grief and the humanity of losing people that we love without comparing it, you know? That's the hard part. There's that fine line there.

Mm. 

Mia: Just be present and hold space. I don't have to always bring knowledge or wisdom or, you know. Just be present. Now, I used to be a hugger in Romania with my family, but I was not a hugger here in the States. If anybody came to hug me and say, "I'm so sorry," I used to just like, "Don't touch me." But now, I turned into a hugger, and I wanna hug everybody, and I have to be careful to pull back and respect their space, because back then, I wanted them to respect my space.

So even that, like, you can hold space for them without hugging them, unless that's welcome. 

Jill: I feel like that even, in a way, goes back to this idea [00:37:00] of comparing our grief, is that sometimes we could just ask people, you know, like, "Would you like a hug?" Not always assuming that they would. Or, "Would you like to talk, or do you just want me to sit with you?"

You know, like, what is it that you would want? And some people, because we're not used to being asked what we want or what we care about- 

Mia: Yeah ... 

Jill: if somebody says, "Well, what do you want?" 

Mia: I don't know. 

Jill: I don't know. I don't know what I want. Some things I do know. I'm not a big hugger either, so if somebody- Yeah

were to ask me do I want a hug, there's a good chance I may be like, "I'm more of a handshake person, so no thank you." But other times, especially in grief, I might not know what I want. It doesn't hurt to at least ask the person, because remember, we don't have to bring wisdom. We don't have to bring knowledge.

We don't have to bring anything other than presence so that the person- Yeah ... doesn't feel alone. And [00:38:00] often, it's so healing for them to be able to openly share- 

Mia: Mm-hmm 

Jill: Back and forth conversation that you would normally have in every day. And so sometimes just learning to sit and realize that at that moment it's not really about you and what you think and what you feel, just kind of sitting and listening and biting your tongue even when you want to say something, and even if you had something- Yeah

to say that was reasonable to say. 

Mia: Yeah. 

Jill: Sometimes people in grief just need to be able to share what they're feeling or what they're going through. 

Mia: Yeah. So true. 

Jill: And what type of coaching do you do now? Like, I know you said, you know, you wrote your book about a variety of different things. But, like- Yeah

is it, do you focus on grief? Is it only women? Like, what's it look like for you? 

Mia: So as of right now, I focus more on wellness, [00:39:00] and most of my clients right now, they're above 40. I help ladies who feel stuck. Mm-hmm. And if you've ever asked that question, it's like, "I don't know, I feel like there's more to life," or, "I feel like I should've been in this place, and I'm not."

And I meet with them, and I do more, like, first a wellness check to see where they are mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and I go from there. And it's different for each person. Some of them, to get to the root of the problem, it takes one sessions. Others, it could take five. And once... A lot of people, I try to explain, this is no therapy.

No therapy. Therapy focuses on trauma and childhood and the past. Counseling deals with the present, where we're at right here. The life coaching that I do focus on the future. See where we're at today, and instead of dealing with your trauma, I am going to only deal [00:40:00] with the belief that was formed from the trauma, and try to shift that- And see if we can get you unstuck so you can live the life that you were meant to live.

Hmm. 

Jill: I love that. 

Mia: And as of right now, the majority are female over 40. 

Jill: Yeah. I feel like we are the prime demographic for people that feel stuck in somebody else's life, because- Yeah, 

Mia: kids are grown. Yeah. What's next? What am I gonna do? It's like, there is so much more to life. Let me show you. Let me show you.

Hmm. You could go so far and impact so many people, and live a life of impact and making a difference. You just need to kinda acknowledge that it comes, comes from you. It's like, you know what? I'd like to look more into it. 

Jill: Hmm. '

Mia: Cause there is more to life after 40. 

Jill: Yeah. Even if society tells us there's not.

Yes. Um, there is a lot to life- Yes ... after 40. Yeah. And [00:41:00] yeah, it's, it is interesting. You know, I'm 47 now, and so there are times when I have those voices in my head that were put there, you know, probably when I was a kid- Yeah ... of like, "Oh," like, "You're done," like, "You're, you're useless at this point. You know, you're 47."

And then there's the other part of me that's feels like in some ways my life is just beginning. It feels like almost- Yeah ... almost like a rebirth of me being me. Because my kids aren't totally grown yet. They're 12 and 15, but we're still getting to that stage of they're not babies, they don't need me quite as much anymore.

We're preparing them to kind of move out on their own. 

Mia: Yeah. 

Jill: And it is already on my mind of I'm still so busy right now with the kids, but pretty soon they're not gonna be around, and I'm like, "What am I gonna do with my time when I have [00:42:00] all this time back?" Like, where is that gonna go? 

Mia: Maybe you will come to one of my retreats.

Jill: Ah. Do you do in-person retreats? 

Mia: So I do, I will do in person retreats, and I will also have courses like authentic creation, authentic living, how to step into who you truly are as a beautiful creation, a beautiful woman, to step into who you are. So yes, I will have courses, and they're not uploaded. I'm working on uploading all of those.

Jill: Mm-hmm. 

Mia: But I'm also going to have wellness retreats. 

Jill: Oh, that's wonderful. I've thought about retreats around not necessarily, like, grief, not even necessarily around death, but kind of like, again, like wellness. But 

Mia: caregivers. 

Jill: Yeah, caregivers. Because I do love to teach. I love to lead. I love to kind of- Yeah

fill that role. 

Mia: Yeah. 

Jill: And yeah, and in person retreats [00:43:00] always seem so beautiful to me. Mm-hmm. Like, you can just create these containers and these spaces- Yeah ... and really make it a safe space for people To work through whatever it is they need to work through Yeah. That's exciting. Good for you. 

Mia: Thank you.

Jill: And so if people want to find your books, if they wanna find out more about you and your coaching or whatever else- Yeah ... like, where can people find you? 

Mia: So I kept everything simple. My name is Mia Godfrey. My website is Mia Godfrey. Facebook, Mia Godfrey. LinkedIn, Mia Godfrey, and Instagram, it's Author Mia Godfrey.

And as far as the book, you can find it in Barnes & Noble and Target, but it's also on Amazon. And if you don't like to read, that's totally okay. We also have it in Audible. If you wanna listen to it in more authentic Eastern European accent, we also have [00:44:00] it in Audible, Kindle, hard copy, hardcover, and paperback.

Jill: Wow, that is a lot. That is all over the place. And so you said you started the publishing company, you and your husband. Are you gonna publish other people's books, or is it just for you? 

Mia: That is in the future, yes. I'm gonna publish my first three ones first. Mm-hmm. Besides my wellness retreat, I'm also gonna have, uh, writer's retreats for new authors or people, like if you thought about, "Hey, I have an idea for a book," well, then that's the right place for you because I'm gonna do writing retreats as well, and then slowly we will help other people to use our publishing company as well.

Jill: 'Cause I feel like that's the biggest barrier for a lot of people, that they start writing, then it's like, "Well, once I write, now [00:45:00] how do I publish it?" And some of the really big publishing companies, and that's a whole thing, and you can publish, you know, yourself through Amazon and other things, which I actually did do that for, like, a workbook that I have for caregivers- Yeah

actually end of life caregivers. Yeah. But it's- You know, it's different. It's different than publishing it and getting it into Barnes & Nobles, and Target, and you know- Yeah ... all those things. So that's wonderful that you did that, and you'll help people get the confidence, because so many people I talk to, they have these really amazing stories, and they just don't think anybody would wanna read them.

Like, "Oh, nobody- Yeah ... would care about that." And I'm like, "I'm not sure, because I'm sitting here listening to you talk about your story, and I think it's fascinating." So I'm sure people would want to hear it. If nothing else, even leaving it behind for your own family. So- 

Mia: Mm-hmm ... 

Jill: I think that's super cool that you did that, and now you'll be able to help other people achieve their dream- Yeah

of [00:46:00] publishing. 

Mia: Yeah. And that was me in the beginning, and now when I look back, all the fears that I had, I think one of my biggest push was that I wanted to honor my sister. Mm-hmm. But other than that, I was like, "No, who's gonna wanna read it?" And now, when I look back, this book end up in the hands of people I would have never dreamed of.

I think the majority of the book where I have the biggest success in as far as them advertising my book, and buying my book, and the social media reviews on Goodreads and Amazon, it's actually India. They're coming from India. Oh. I've never known one person in India. And it also opened the door for me to speak internationally through some influencers from India who got my book.

So it opened doors that I did not expected. I was expecting Romania or somewhere in Europe, but no, India. It's been phenomenal, the doors that opened through that. [00:47:00] 

Jill: That is really interesting, yeah. 

Mia: Yeah. 

Jill: You never know. You never know where people- Yeah ... are gonna be that are gonna want to hear your story- Yeah

and are gonna benefit from it, so. 

Mia: Mm-hmm. So true. 

Jill: I will put links to all of that in the show notes. Is there anything else that we missed? Anything else you wanna share before we wrap it up? 

Mia: Mm, just one of the biggest thing you mentioned, the caretakers. I've learned being a taker care- caretaker that I didn't know how to take care of myself.

Mm-hmm. So if you're a caretaker taking care of somebody who's ill, it's crucial for you to take some time to also take care of yourself because you matter, your health matter, your life matters, your story matters as well. And I felt selfish in the beginning. I said, "I can't, I can't do that. She needs me."

Jill: Mm-hmm. 

Mia: But your loved one will be there and they know you're there for them, but it's [00:48:00] okay to also take care of yourself and your health- Mm-hmm ... if you're a caretaker. 

Jill: You're right. That's a big deal. And that's actually what my 30-day journal is about, is how to take care of yourself when you're a caregiver.

Amen. So it has all these, you know, things, information at the beginning about caring for yourself, your mind, your body, your soul. And then there's also some journaling prompts because I found when I cared for my grandmother at the end of her life, that writing out what I was going through was a way for me to release it and not hold it.

Mia: Yeah. 

Jill: So I wrote what I needed when I was a caregiver. Yeah. And I didn't have it. Yeah. So. 

Mia: Yeah. Well- Yeah, that's important ... 

Jill: wonderful, Mia. Thank you so much for coming on today. This was a pleasure. 

Mia: Well, thank you so much for having me, Jill. 

Jill: If you've been listening to my podcast for a while and you hear me and my guests talk over and over about how important it is to create a plan for the end of life and to have the conversations with your loved ones about what's important to you, and [00:49:00] you're thinking, "Okay, maybe it's time.

Maybe I should actually sit down and figure this out instead of just hoping it all works out later," I get it. These conversations can feel overwhelming or scary or just like something you'll deal with another day, but you don't have to do it alone. If you want help creating an end of life care plan for yourself or for someone you love, maybe it's your aging parents, a spouse, whoever it is in your life, you can book a complimentary 30-minute call with me.

And we'll just talk. We'll get clear on what's going on for you and what the next right steps might be. There's no pressure, just support. The link's in the show notes whenever you're ready. And if this episode made you think of someone, a sibling, a friend, or another caregiver, feel free to share it with them.

Sometimes these conversations are easier to start when someone else opens the door first. Thank you for being here. The fact that you're even willing to listen to this kind of conversation means a lot.