Living with Memory Disability, Overcoming Challenges, and Finding Purpose with Thomas Dixon

In this episode, I’m joined by Thomas Dixon, a Philadelphia native with a powerful and deeply personal story. Thomas shares his journey from working in psychiatry research to teaching middle school in South Korea, and the life-altering shift that followed a near-fatal accident in 2010. After being hit by a car, Thomas developed epilepsy and a permanent episodic memory disability that reshaped his daily life—and his sense of purpose.

Living with memory loss led Thomas to write his memoir, I'm Sorry, That's Awesome, and to develop ME.mory, a digital memory system designed to help people record, organize, and recall their life experiences. In our conversation, we talk about what it’s like to live with an invisible disability, how memory loss impacts identity and independence, and why memory is something all of us, regardless of diagnosis, are slowly losing over time.

Thomas is currently raising funds to support the continued development and public relaunch of ME.mory. You’ll find links in the show notes if you’d like to learn more or support his work. This is a thoughtful, eye-opening conversation about memory, meaning, and what it means to adapt when life changes everything.

00:00 Introduction and Personal Acceptance

00:25 Welcome to Seeing Death Podcast

00:47 Guest Introduction: Thomas Dixon's Journey

02:32 Life After the Accident

04:11 Understanding Memory Loss

07:15 Career Transition and Acceptance

09:09 Building a New Life and Relationships

11:32 Creating Memory: The Digital System

14:01 Writing the Memoir: 'I'm Sorry, That's Awesome'

18:36 Discussing Death and Cultural Perspectives

20:18 Reflecting on Family Losses

21:48 Impact of Injury on Life Perspective

22:43 Living with Memory Disability

25:03 Navigating Social Interactions

32:25 Traveling with Memory Challenges

37:36 Upcoming Projects and Final Thoughts

https://biausa.org/brain-injury/community/speakers-bureau/thomas-dixon

I'm Sorry... That's Awesome!: Inventing a Solution for Memory Loss on Amazon https://a.co/d/1GXfKOZ

GoFundMe: https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-us-combat-memory-loss-together

Transcript

Thomas: [00:00:00] I'm not neurotypical, and that's completely fine. There's nothing wrong or shameful about that, and that's part of why I'm as outspoken as I am and having these conversations with people are so helpful. In light of knowing somebody with a brain injury, knowing somebody with a memory disability. Who is not ashamed whatsoever, who has no concern whatsoever and is as outspoken as he is.

Jill: Welcome back to Seeing Death Clearly. I'm your host, Jill McClennen, a death doula and funeral celebrant. On this podcast, I sit down with guests to talk openly about death, dying grief, and the way we live. My goal is to create an inviting and thoughtful space where you can question what you think you know and consider perspectives you may not have thought about.

Before. In this episode, I'm joined by Thomas Dixon, a Philadelphia native that shares his journey from psychiatry research to teaching middle school in South Korea and the life altering moment that followed a [00:01:00] near fatal accident in 2010. After being hit by a car, he developed epilepsy and a permanent episodic memory disability that reshaped his life and.

Sense of purpose. That experience led Thomas to write the memoir. I'm sorry. That's awesome. And to create memory, a digital system designed to help people record, preserve, and reconnect with their memories. We talk about living with memory loss, invisible disabilities, and why 

Thomas: memory and dignity matter to all of us.

Thank you for joining us for this conversation. 

Jill: Welcome, Thomas to the podcast. Thank you for coming on today. I know you have a little bit of an unusual story compared to some of the people that I talked to, so why don't you just start us off. Tell us about who you are, where you come from, anything you wanna share.

Thomas: All right. Hi Jill. Thanks for having me on. Gladly. So I tend to start with people who have no idea who I am, just explaining that I'm a Philadelphia native, very comfortable here in my city. I'm [00:02:00] gonna respond like, you know, it's a happy hour. Sure. I said I changed my focus a lot in my life initially. Well, first in the family to college.

I was working in Children's Hospital of Philadelphia in psychiatry research initially, and then I went to Korea for a year as a middle school teacher. So I have a lot of tutoring, education, background experience. That was really fun. My late mentor, a doctor Elizabeth Weller. Towards the end of my teaching contract in South Korea said, come back.

I have funding. So I did and I worked with her up until her passing, and then beyond In November of 2010, I was hit by a car while out or a run, and I now live with severe episodic memory loss and epilepsy. The epilepsy is very well controlled by medication, so hooray. The episodic memory loss has required a lot of life adjustment, both [00:03:00] suggestions and ideas given by therapy staff and others over the years, and a lot of impromptu self-discovery and navigation on my own about what would make sense in modern life for somebody with a severe memory disability.

So that's a short intro. 

Jill: We actually have met in person once in Philadelphia. We have a mutual friend and we ran into each other at the ballet. So I actually have met you in person I know, which our friend did say to me he might not actually remember meeting you because of his memory loss. And I was like, that's really interesting to me how our brain.

Can do that to us. Right. 

Thomas: How was my, uh, how was my performance that night? Was I okay? 

Jill: You were not in the ballet. I got to meet your mother-in-law as well. So you were hit by a car while you were running. Do you remember anything about the experience of the [00:04:00] accident? Or is all of that erased from your memory?

Like how does the memory loss work? Is it short term, long term? What is that like? 

Thomas: Yeah, well, I'll answer both of those questions. I will never remember the injury and the accident, which is great. Honestly, who wants to remember being hit by a car? So I'm fine with that. That's fine with me. And then that took time for some of my memory abilities to come back.

I would wake up in the hospital and there would be a notepad next to the bed. You know, you were out for a run. You were hit by a car. You're in recovery right now. Your parents will be here say five o'clock. Then only over time did that improve in some ways and not improve in others. Now, speaking for fun, what was your other question?

Jill: Yeah, so is it short-term memory loss or do you not have any memories like past your accident or I guess before your accident? 

Thomas: Sure, sure. So this, it's actually kind of helpful in a way [00:05:00] to have a brain injury and to have a background in psychology. My degree is in psychology, and now my graduate degree is in psychology post-injury.

Because a lot of the terminology still exists publicly, but does not exist academically or privately, like the term short-term memory. It's a term that lingers publicly, but it doesn't make any sense. How short is short? Are we talking about five minutes? Five days? So it's not really working memory as what could have been meant as short-term memory.

It's episodic memory. What happened say five days ago? I have no real idea. What happened five days ago, and that's okay. As far as life is concerned, I have a pretty good idea that I was not in New Mexico. I think that would stick out if I was in New Mexico. Rather, my life was the typical day in day out, and I already know what my life is typical day in, day out.

I'm not surprised when I wake up that I'm [00:06:00] married or that I live where I still live. None of that shocks or surprises me, but other things like when was the last time I was in the gym? I know, I swear I do exercise frequently, so I'm not concerned in that sense, but I don't know how long it's been. So that's why I would have records and notes and otherwise keep track in a way that a lot of people keep track and it's just to a much greater extent.

So that's how I explain my memory loss overall. I think of it as that we all actually have severe episodic memory loss. We all forget the overwhelming majority of our lives. I just have more severe episodic memory loss to the extent that it's considered a disability. 

Jill: That's an interesting point, and I've thought about that actually many times.

How little of my life I actually remember. I'll talk to people and. I think it depends on the interaction with the person. What sticks out in my mind versus what sticks out in their mind can be [00:07:00] very different. There's a lot of things that somebody will say, you don't remember we did this thing. I'm like, no, don't remember that at all.

I guess it's just the importance that our brain puts on things sometimes. But for you, it sounds like it was life altering. You had to leave the career that you were in at the Children's hospital. 

Thomas: Yes, I definitely did. Sometimes I speak with people and I feel people can be resistant to change, but I had to accept that it would be irresponsible or unethical even if I did continue in child and adolescent psychiatry.

I was pre-med at the time. I was working in Children's Hospital of Philadelphia psychiatry research. It would be completely irresponsible to treat patients even if I could, because you can't make notes of everything. I give people the example of. Maybe the child looked at me differently during that session than they always had, and I did not pick up on it the way that a [00:08:00] neurotypical person could, the way that would change the opinion of how is this child's treatment or wellbeing, you know, there's just no way to keep track of that, and it would be just unethical, irresponsible, inappropriate to pursue a medical career, and one where people's lives would be in my hands.

Jill: There must have been a grieving process that you went through leaving behind a career that you loved. I assume you loved it. It seems like the way you talk about it, you loved it. 

Thomas: Yeah, certainly. As I mentioned, I came back from Korea and I was working with my late mentor. I most likely would've gone into psychiatry if I had proceeded through medical school and residencies.

I had to give up on that identity. I used to make the distinction between old life and new life. Which I think happens a lot for people who almost die or have some tragic event. It's been so long now that it's just become life. I don't really talk much about my old life. I will in this context because we're talking about [00:09:00] my pre-injury life, but overall, I don't consider my new life what, what's happening now.

It's it's life. My injury was in 2010. It's certainly been long enough. 

Jill: Were you married before your injury or has that been a relationship that formed after your injury? 

Thomas: This marriage, my relationship is entirely after my injury. I met Lindsay well after my injury years after, and I'm glad for that 'cause I had to reset or reestablish myself in many ways, as you can imagine, recovering and then no longer recovering, admitting what the extent of my disabilities would be.

So by then I had my head on my shoulders. I knew myself in that respect. I was ready to date. I'm very glad I could present myself as a fuller person just because enough time had passed and enough efforts were put into reestablishing myself. 

Jill: It's beautiful. I'm glad that you found a life partner. I know [00:10:00] sometimes it can be challenging for people to accept somebody's, I hate to say disabilities 'cause I feel like disability has such a negative.

Connotation to it, right? Your differences, right? They accept your differences, and so I'm glad you found a partner that you've been able to date and marry and now have a life together. 

Thomas: Yeah. Thank you. Now, as far as what you just touched upon that term, disability, we do need something short, something simple to explain our situations, and at the same time, disability, you know, the symbol is the person in the wheelchair.

Like, I'm not the person in the wheelchair. And what do we mean when we say disability? Part of the reason why I'm so outspoken is related to memory. People are offended. Like you just gave the example, right? Of someone saying to you that you did not recall something that had happened. Maybe you met this person before.

I'm outspoken because people might think [00:11:00] that they did not matter to you if you do not remember them. And when you say that it's not a choice, they're more understanding. Yeah, 

Jill: at least I would hope they would be more understanding. 

Thomas: I would hope so too. But at the end of the day, people decide how much they want to be understanding when it's within their control.

Jill: So you said you're really outspoken about memory loss and you wrote a memoir and you also have an app. Is that correct? Was it an app or It's a program. I'm trying to remember exactly what it is. Yeah. 

Thomas: Sure, sure. So I'll answer those in reverse just because I think it makes the most sense. So after my injury, doctor said, write down your memory in the notebook.

I laughed 'cause they would take out their phone and do something and I said, no, that makes no sense. So I switched to using Twitter privately as my memory. And I was very comfortable sharing that with people that started to get around, and I started to appear in media pieces, interviews, shows [00:12:00] related to using Twitter privately as memory, because I imagine people must have done this before, but no one was known for doing it.

So I'm glad that I could raise some attention to that as I was going through my grad program at Temple University. I walked into an idea incubator space and said, well, why can't I work on something, a digital memory of sorts? And that's how the idea for a memory came around. So just the me period, MORY.

So memory with a period after the EI continued to give talks and presentations related to that. And the media liked that too. Sort of an underdog story, I suppose. But also embracing the modern technology given how we have these limited capacities for memory. That's also how I talk about memory, that it's for neurotypical individuals, people with standard memory issues, and it's for people with memory, disabilities or other conditions that could impact memory.

So I see it as having. Different audiences. [00:13:00] 

Jill: I wonder with dementia, that's such a different sort of memory loss, so I'm wondering if that would be something that could work or help at all for people with dementia or Alzheimer's. You know, even Alzheimer's is under the dementia umbrella. 

Thomas: Well, definitely. I certainly think so, and some of it is generational issues, as you can imagine, because people my age, not quite digital natives, more like digital immigrants.

And then people who have been born onwards, the nineties and two thousands, people who grew up around cell phones. It's a matter of how comfortable are you with these computers in your pockets, and how much are you used to entering information and searching for information? So I expect comfort around memory and these services to just be greater and greater given how that is happening already without my involvement in Marie what.

Was your other question. 

Jill: I wanted to know a little bit about your memoir. You said you wrote a [00:14:00] memoir. 

Thomas: Oh yes. I wrote my memoir titled, I'm Sorry. That's awesome. And I'm really glad for that title for the first title was terrible, something like I Was Playing on TBI like Technologically Beyond it. What a clunky title.

So I'm really glad instead for, I'm sorry. That's awesome. Because when you tell people you have a drastic memory loss condition, severe episodic memory loss, you hear, I'm sorry a lot. I guess it's a default. People will fall back on, which is fine. You know, I'm sorry. And then you tell people that you work on a digital memory system, that you're the inventor of the founder of the company around such, you hear That's awesome.

All the time. And I've heard them within seconds of each other and I thought, what a great title. It raises attention to memory issues and then curiosity that flipping, why would somebody go from sorry to impressed in such a short period of time. I love that title. Since its release. I'm very [00:15:00] happy. People have been very supportive.

There's the soft cover version, an ebook version, and an audiobook version too. I, I'm very happy that it's out there. I wrote it by reading my own memory from beginning to end, but I went from. Not knowing my life as much around the injury, time to reliving my life in the process of writing my book. That was very curious as well.

Jill: Even for me, when I go back and I read old journals or things, there's times that I'm like, oh, oh wow, okay. What was going on there? So I'm sure for you must have been really interesting. To write about it. And is it about your life pre-injury and post-injury, or is it more just from your injury on to where you're at today?

Thomas: There's certainly a preface along the lines of who is this guy, and just because I didn't want to just wake up in the hospital bed in the book. That would be a different type of start. And then I worked backwards to, so here's who I was before I woke up in the hospital bed and [00:16:00] then onwards, I gave a bit of background, not too much, but I explained who I was, where I grew up, where I went to school, my grandparents, my late mentor.

And then the first chapter basically is, and here's what happened. Here's November 22nd, 2010, and then it has a timeline feel to it. As it switches from the, I'm sorry, piece to the, that's awesome piece. 

Jill: I really do love that title 'cause I could imagine hearing that a lot. People are very uncomfortable.

They just don't know what else to say. So the only thing they can think of to say is, I'm sorry. And it's like, okay, what does that even mean? Right? What does that mean to somebody? But it is awesome that you are the founder of this app. So yeah, that's a great title. I really like that. 

Thomas: Thank you. And it's very interesting too, given your focus, your area of expertise, how many times people say, I'm sorry, and then where does the conversation go?

I imagine [00:17:00] that pauses a lot of conversations, if not ends them. Instead, I experienced the, I'm sorry part and then after the, that's awesome piece. I get so many questions. I get so much curiosity in a way that if it only ended with the I'm sorry piece, the conversations likely would not continue with the type of optimism or enthusiasm that I feel that I get in my life and people not feeling sorry for me.

Jill: I'm sure some of it is the discomfort, even if people wanna ask more questions about your injury. They probably don't wanna upset you. They don't want you to have to relive something that is upsetting. But I have found, actually, a friend of mine just yesterday, her mother died suddenly. Oh, and of course I've reached out because, you know, it's my friend, of course, I'm gonna reach out to her.

She told me the whole story and how everything happened. It's been a few days, few weeks, but it still was not expected. At the end, she just said, thank you for listening, because nobody else [00:18:00] wants to hear this. Nobody else wants to get into that. They just wanna say, I'm sorry for your loss. And then they want the conversation to end.

I'm sure some of it is the same when people meet someone with an injury that altered their life so drastically. It's kind of like, Ooh. I just wanna say I'm sorry and hope that the conversation ends there and that we don't talk any further about it. 

Thomas: Yeah, and of course there's the emotional preparedness aspect where I feel that people may be caught on the back foot of sorts.

I guess. I don't know what's the right analogy here, flatfooted, where do we learn how to deal with this? There's still no cursive handwriting, but I never learned how to talk about death and dying in any classroom, in any preparation sense, you know? Like I would have to seek such information out, rather it being introduced to me as being something else that you would know, even though it happens to all of us, how strange it is, right?

To go [00:19:00] from something that is guaranteed to happen, to seeing it as something that is almost guaranteed to not be talked about. 

Jill: Hmm. People don't like to talk about it. I mean, you're from Philly? I'm from South Jersey, so I think we grew up very same in the culture. Right. We're kind of close. 

Thomas: Sure. I'll give you that one.

Jill: Yeah. It's like a lot of times when people ask me, oh, you're from Jersey? And they're like, oh, New York. And I'm like, no, Philly. Philly. Just Philly, south Jersey. We're the same. We're not like North Jersey and New York, so I'm more Philly. I know within my community, when I was growing up, she didn't talk about death and dying when somebody died, especially if it was an older 

Thomas: family member, 

Jill: it was kinda like, oh, they died.

They're old. But if it was somebody younger especially, it was like so hush, hush, you know? Like nobody wanted to talk about it. And we all learned this feeling of shame and discomfort that goes along with death and dying. And that's partially why I do this, Greg. 'cause I'm trying to change that culture for people [00:20:00] and stop making it a shameful thing.

And for you, what was the first death that you remember that was impactful in your life? 

Thomas: Wow. Good question. My life pre-injury still exists mentally. It's not visited as much perhaps as I've gotten older. So first one that I remember clearly, that's a bit of a struggle. You know, my, my dad's mom passed away.

She had died. I guess that's the first one that comes to mind. My mom's parents passed away around the time of my injury. My dad's dad only recently is deceased, so that's also pleasantly surprising, you know, in that he's so old. Like I have gray hair now and he only dyed recently, so, yeah. There's been quite a range and a gamut, so not so much from when I was younger, but definitely more [00:21:00] recently, which makes sense as I'm now middle aged, I would expect it, you know, not so many tragic ones.

Jill: Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Thankfully, 

Thomas: yeah. 

Jill: Mom's parents died around the same time as each other. 

Thomas: Yes, my mom's parents, I was visiting them around that time of my life in 2010, as I mentioned, and I was hit by the car while I was running around that time of visiting them. So yeah, that's back then. It was a lot for my parents to deal with, as you could imagine.

My maternal grandparents were very close to each other and very caring and very funny. Depending on which one we're talking about, he made me believe that he could smell money, so that was an unusual trick or a treat. So, yeah. 

Jill: Was that something where the injury changed the way that you thought about death and dying at all, or did it not really affect too much your personal thoughts or beliefs about it?[00:22:00] 

Thomas: You know, it really rock my boat, as you might imagine it. It changed my focus incredibly. Not out of a desire to change my focus, but out of a necessity, as I mentioned, waking up in the hospital bed and having a notepad next to me, and then what am I going to do now? In a lot of ways it can feel weird telling people that I was lucky as a result of still being hit by a car.

I'm not lucky in that sense and that I have my memory, disability, and epilepsy, but that it could have been much worse. I had no braking, no bleeding, and no swelling in my brain. So the extent of the injury was very limited. Given how I'm comfortable having this conversation with you, I've lived alone since the injury now with my wife, happily and earned my master's entirely after the injury.

Travel alone internationally, this is a lot for somebody who doesn't remember yesterday, right? But [00:23:00] it's also just because. Other aspects of my capacity of my life remain that I'm able to keep track and still have sound judgment and otherwise know myself and know what's happening. Like you can see how I'm keeping track of this conversation, how I've mentioned things that were already said in the podcast earlier, while knowing that, that were already said that we're building up this conversation, I'm very glad that those capabilities are not as limited as my memory is.

Jill: It's one of those things where. I think if I would've just met you, I wouldn't know, right? Like I would not have a conversation with you and think, oh, something maybe seems a little bit unusual, but. Knowing ahead of time. When I met you, our friend had already said, oh, this is my friend Thomas that I talked to you about and I sent you a podcast.

He actually did send me a podcast earlier, way before I met you that you were on. Oh really? Yeah. Yeah, he did. Oh, okay, cool. I think just for whatever reason, 'cause you know he was, I have a podcast and he was like, oh, my friend Thomas was just on a [00:24:00] podcast. You might enjoy listening. So I listened to it and I was like, oh, that is super cool.

It was a great story. It was about you and a friend and you both had memory problems. Memory again, is it, should I say memory problems? That feels rude. 

Thomas: You can say a memory, disability, that's totally fine. Memory, 

Jill: disability. There you go. 

Thomas: You can say memory problems, memory issues, memory, disability. I'm not picky.

I'm not neurotypical, you know, and that's completely fine. There's nothing wrong or shameful about that, and that's part of why I'm as outspoken as I am. I joke sometimes I did not choose to become a hood ornament. It happened, right? I did not choose to get hit by a car. And having these conversations with people are so helpful in light of knowing somebody with a brain injury, knowing somebody with a memory disability who is not ashamed whatsoever, who has no concern whatsoever, and is as outspoken as he is because of these concerns, if I said so already [00:25:00] about people thinking you don't care when you don't remember, right.

I am outspoken because they can't see my disability because I, I have to be outspoken in order for them to understand what's going on. Yeah. You know, I use other examples too, like I typically don't need to, but as somebody with an invisible disability, someone with a memory disability, a lot of times the disability bathrooms are easier to find than the ones that are not, and.

I don't need to use them. 'cause I still find the typical standard non disability bathrooms. But if my married disability was worse, maybe I would, you know, as I can imagine, someone with Alzheimer's or dementia, maybe they would and it's not always a mobility concern. Yeah. Maybe the parking spot closer to the store is easier to find and so that's why someone with a memory disability would use it.

Jill: Actually, that is interesting because I know. There's gotta [00:26:00] love social media sometimes. Other times it's full of garbage. Mm-hmm. I'll definitely come across videos where people record somebody like walking to their car and like, why are they in the handicap spot? They don't need the handicap spot and like totally judging the person.

That because they present as if they don't need it. But you're right, maybe somebody would never be able to find their door unless it's in that handicapped spot because it's right in front of the door and as soon as you walk out that door, you're gonna see it. They should be able to use that handicapped spot, like just because they don't present as handicapped, and unfortunately we could be so judgmental.

So unfortunate. Oh, 

Thomas: absolutely. If they pass the disability criteria. As assessed by medical professionals if they have that license plate. You don't know if this person is just borrowing their car from somebody who has a disability. You don't know what assumptions to make, and a lot of disabilities, there are better days and worse days, so [00:27:00] you don't know.

There's just so much you don't know, and there's the right amount of privacy to respect when it comes to disability as well. I'm just more outspoken about my disability because people, if I want them to know, that's how they're going to know. They're not going to know. Otherwise, you would not know if we're having this conversation.

Right. That's my choice. Other people don't make that choice, and that's up to them. 

Jill: Yeah, because I'm thinking, right, so we did meet at the ballet. If I wouldn't have known, I would not know. And so maybe I were to run into you on the street and be like, Hey, Thomas, remember we met at the ballet? What would you usually respond if you would think like, actually, no, I don't remember that at all.

Is there like a standard response that you give somebody or would, if it's somebody that you're just like seeing in passing, would you just pretend be like, oh yeah, great to see you again. I'm gonna keep going because I could imagine sometimes you don't wanna have the conversation, you don't wanna go in depth about the whole thing [00:28:00] or have the, oh, I'm so sorry.

Just wanna keep moving. How does that work for you? Sometimes? 

Thomas: As you could have easily imagined, the nature of the interaction or the dynamic is this somebody who I was introduced to through a friend and we were at a party or whatever, and I only have a limited amount of time. A safety fault is always like, oh, hey, how's it going?

That's polite, engaging, interactive enough. If this is just somebody you are in line with for a coffee. You can talk about current life events. You could, it's stereotypically, you could talk about the weather. I don't prefer that topic. I prefer something more engaging and less quotidian. If I could get fancy there less every day.

Otherwise, I'm talking with somebody for an extended time. We're at the cocktail party getting to know each other. I am upfront. I am direct because that's when it's going to be impossible. Particularly when people ask you, what do you do? You always get that [00:29:00] question. And as a person with a disability, you make that decision.

Do you just say, I have a disability, or do you say that you do something else? Be it a hobby, a passion, a life direction that you decide to take, which is what I did, moving from psychiatry research to life with a memory, disability, writing my book, working on memory, these types of topics. Ultimately, you just decide what you're comfortable sharing with people and they decide how comfortable they are too.

I gave the comparison earlier about pre-injury life, post-injury life, and how it just becomes life. You make your own choice about when does that happen, if it happens, when are you the person you decide to be with the disability, and how do you convey that? You have that conversation with yourself, and then you have that conversation with others too as you get older.

Jill: And I'm sure, as you can imagine, I probably shut down a whole lot of conversations when I'm at a party and somebody says, well, what do you do? And [00:30:00] like, I'm a death doula, but 

Thomas: if I can ask you a question 

Jill: Yeah. 

Thomas: How does that go? How that, 

Jill: the conversation, how does that go? Sometimes, 

Thomas: like if you tell somebody that 

Jill: it's interesting, I get two responses.

Either the person goes, oh, like that's interesting and completely will walk away from me or try to change the subject. Or I hear all their stories about death and dying and the grandma that died and what that situation was like. And then we end up going into this long discussion, which is my preferred route.

Of course, I would rather have the discussion, but also there is times. Now, you know, if I'm at like a holiday party, I don't really wanna talk about death. Sometimes I'll revert back to my past career, which I was a pastry chef, so I'm like, oh, I teach baking and culinary. I'd rather talk about that. But then everybody wants to ask me how to make their cookies better.

So, I don't know. There's no good responses sometimes, but, 

Thomas: so, so, wait, wait, wait, wait. Do you [00:31:00] flip back and forth. Now I don't wanna talk about die and dying, so I'm gonna talk about baking. Now. I don't wanna talk about baking, so I'm gonna talk about, do you just have this coin that you flip and decide which side you're on?

Jill: Sometimes, yeah. It just depends on the mood. Some days I don't wanna talk about death partially because it is a heavy topic and I don't mind holding the space for people. But you know, sometimes if I'm out and I'm at a party, I just want it to be a little more lighthearted. I don't like shallow chitchat.

Mm-hmm. So I would prefer to talk about death and dying. Any day over some of the things that people wanna talk about at parties. I don't know if they prefer it. I've definitely gotten some interesting responses when people say, what do you do? And I say, I'm a death doula. Mm-hmm. As soon as you say the D word, it's like you used a dirty word 

Thomas: on that.

No, it's not anywhere near to that extent, a memory loss of disability does have its own issues and concerns about how people feel and act. It's not exactly a workaround, but I do spend New [00:32:00] Years in a new country every year around the holidays. You get to say, I'm looking forward to going to Costa Rica this year.

Have you ever been so just change the conversation? Not too rapidly, but still relevant at the time, and that's something I get to do always at the end of the year. I'm looking forward to the next trip and getting people's opinions. 

Jill: Huh, that's a great idea and I'm glad you're going. I've never been to Costa Rica, so I have no recommendations.

But when you travel, do you remember your vacations afterwards? Like what's that part like for you? 

Thomas: As I was sharing a little earlier, I feel my memory is we all have the memory loss. My memory loss is just more severe. So there are experiences which stand out and those that don't more so, and then there's also kind of influenced by psychology, how memory is a reconstructive or constructive experience.

So what actually happened, and then what you believe had happened, and then how they come [00:33:00] together every time when you are remembering an event. My Eiffel Tower story is one of my favorites. Okay. So it was my last time or remaining time in Paris, and so I was there one of my New Year's trips, but I saved the Eiffel Tower towards the end of the trip, and it was getting closer to the end of the day, but I'm like, oh, I should have enough time.

I'm good. And I get there. They stop the line as I get there, so I'm not in the line. And I'm like, well, it makes sense. They just can't keep the line going until five o'clock, six o'clock. They have to stop it. And the people that get in, get in, everybody else comes back another day and I'm like, I have to get in.

This is my last chance. Right? So I look around and all these tourists are taking photos, pointing at everything. The security guards can't watch the whole line. So I'm like, here's my chance, and I get closer to the line and then I start sidestepping into the line and it works, and I get into the line and why [00:34:00] do people care?

They're in line already, but then this little boy is staring at me so intently and he's just so confused. He's speaking in some language to the people around him. Do you know what I did? 

Jill: What'd you do? 

Thomas: I joined his family. I was standing in the middle of this kid's family and no wonder he is like this American idol I did not know about.

Just suddenly joined the family and no wonder they're so confused. And after that I stepped behind them and everybody was cool. That was a fun experience and that is one of my France memories. Here I am reconstructing it, having an idea of what happened while knowing that it did actually happen, and then trying to combine the two.

I think that made it into my book. It's certainly going to make it into my next book, which is going to be about the New Year's trips. 

Jill: When is your next book gonna be completed? 

Thomas: I am [00:35:00] feeling the itch to write more about it. I'm feeling the itch to get in there and get it going. It does not have such a strict timeline.

I have many years now to pull from for these New Year's trips. The more time passes, the more experiences I have to write. I worked on it one hour a day. Almost anything. If you have the time that you can put one hour a day on it, and the title for the second book is more likely to be never there twice.

There you go. What do you know about life and end of life? Right? Maybe I'll start writing it this coming year. Maybe. We'll see. We're starting to get a little itchy, a little scratchy like my thirst book did, but maybe we'll see. 

Jill: Yeah, it's great. I love memoirs personally. I love reading things like that about people, their lives.

I just find it interesting, again, more interesting than a lot of fiction anymore. I like to read about real people and what goes on. Do you take a lot of photos when you're traveling or do you just write a lot, or do you use your own app? Like how do you typically record what [00:36:00] you're doing when you're doing it?

Thomas: This is where, what amount of time do I have that can make a huge difference? And photos as memory, are you taking this photo as a genuine souvenir or are you taking this photo so that you can update your memory later? So there's a mixture of the two. I am taking some photos just as a record of, okay, I was here at this time, or this person was around.

We did this thing. So there are some photos that I take solely for the purpose of updating my memory when I have a moment of drafting that entry of being able to say, okay, so it was this, this, that. That was the actual food that I ordered there. You know, I might open the menu and point at the item that I'm going to order and then take a photo of that and say, okay, so that is what I ordered so that I know when I'm updating my memory.

Jill: Mm-hmm. 

Thomas: So yeah, it really depends on the moment. I've definitely, in more recent years, been taking photos at the time, rather than [00:37:00] pausing and updating the memory later in the day with all the information that I was able to use. That and the records are already existing, which is another thing I feel comfortable about.

We are already creating these digital records with our calendar appointments, with our photos, with our text messages, all of that for better and for worse. I'm not creating something that I have to convince people about. They're already creating for themselves records and information that they want to be able to refer to later, and that's how I can use those things for a memory as well.

So that's very helpful for me in that sense. 

Jill: We are coming up on the end of our time. We're not there yet. Oh, no. But we're getting there. I know, right? I love these conversations so much that I love to chat. I definitely wanna give you a couple minutes, tell people if they wanna find out more about your app, your books, things like that.

Where can people find you or reach you if they want to? 

Thomas: Sure. I tell people when I'm meeting them publicly, say the first time, the easiest, best thing to [00:38:00] do is to Google me. I tell people to search Thomas Dixon memory. T-H-O-M-A-S-D-I-X-O-N and the word memory. And that's when people can be really surprised.

You know, sometimes it's can take a while to explain what happened to me in my life. So if I'm chatting with somebody, I'm gonna just say to them like, Hey, you know, we're having a good conversation. Do you have your phone on you? And I'm just like, okay, please go to Google. Search Thomas Dixon memory. And then that's when I get a lot of surprise.

You know, people who are standing there with me, it's sometimes funny 'cause they look at their phone and then they look at me and they like make sure that the person that they're looking at is the person on their phone. And then I get a lot of, I also have to say a lot of, yeah, I know. It's kind of crazy.

So yeah, there's certainly that component. Please Google Thomas Dixon memory. My book should also come up as a result that's available over Amazon. People can find me online. I encourage them to reach out to me. [00:39:00] We are constantly trying to grow and develop me, so I'm certainly looking for new opportunities, business partnerships, funding.

That's always the case in the app development world. And yeah, if anybody reaches out to you, Jill, feel free to send them my way. 

Jill: I will put some links in the show notes to your book on Amazon, so this makes it easier for people to find you. But I really appreciate this. This was really interesting. I appreciate you listening to all my questions and answering all my questions for me because.

Again, I just love to learn about different things and learn about different people and their experiences, so I appreciate you coming on and talking to me. 

Thomas: This flowed very naturally. I appreciate that. 

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