Navigating End-of-Life Care with Princella Seymour

In this episode, our guest is Princella Seymour, a social worker with decades of experience in geriatrics and dementia care. Princella shares how she was called into elder care work, why early planning is essential, and what families often struggle with when a loved one is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia. 

Together, they explore the emotional, financial, and logistical realities of caregiving, along with the federal and state resources that many people don’t know are available. Princella highlights the importance of honest conversations, clear planning, and making decisions before a crisis hits so families can focus on connection rather than chaos.

 Her new book, Everything You Need to Know About Me, inspired by the countless families she’s supported through painful, confusing decisions, is now available on Amazon.

As CEO of Complete Elder Solutions, she has guided thousands of families through the complexities of aging. 

00:00 Introduction to Seeing Death Clearly

00:43 Meet Prince Seymour: A Journey in Geriatric Social Work

02:07 Navigating Alzheimer's and Dementia Care

06:12 The Role of a Care Coach

08:01 Financial and Legal Planning for Elder Care

16:17 The Importance of Pre-Planning

19:21 Encouraging Conversations About End-of-Life Care

24:05 Navigating Family Conversations About End-of-Life Planning

24:51 The Importance of Written Wishes

25:17 Family Dynamics and Funeral Experiences

25:46 The Challenges of Caregiving

26:10 Making Tough Decisions in Crisis Situations

27:29 The Cost of Care and Financial Strain

28:13 Balancing Caregiving with Personal Responsibilities

29:33 Support Programs for Caregivers

31:18 The Value of Professional Guidance

40:35 Revisiting End-of-Life Plans Over Time

43:15 Conclusion and Resources

URL https://www.completeeldersolutions.com/

LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/company/complete-elder-solutions/

Facebook https://www.facebook.com/CompleteElderSolutions#

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Transcript

Princella: [00:00:00] The person is ready to talk about it and the children are not. 'cause they're in denial. They don't even wanna imagine mom or dad leaving. I'll come in as the voice of reasoning. I'll come in from an objective perspective and help the family make the best decision for what's happening now. 

Jill: Welcome back to Seeing Death Clearly.

I'm your host, Jill McClennen, a death doula and end of life coach. Here on my show I have conversations with guests. That explore the topics of death, dying, grief, and life itself. My goal is to create a space where you can challenge the ideas you might already have about these subjects. I want to encourage you to open your mind and consider perspectives beyond what you may currently believe to be true.

In this episode, I talk with Princella Seymour. Who shares her experience as a social worker specializing in geriatrics and dementia care. She tells us about her journey into this field, beginning in 2002, and her dedication to helping families manage [00:01:00] the overwhelming aspects of aging and Alzheimer's disease.

We talk about the importance of early planning, advanced directives, and having conversations with our family about care preferences. She also talks about the emotional and financial challenges families face. Offering insights into available federal and state resources. Tune in to learn how Princella’s purpose-driven approach supports families nationwide, helping them make informed decisions and maintain quality of life for their loved ones.

Thank you for joining us for this conversation. Welcome, Princella to the podcast. Thank you so much for coming on today. Can you just start off, tell me a little bit about you, who you are, I dunno even where you're located 'cause I actually don't know where you are. 

Princella: Well, I am Princella Seymour and I am located in Claremont, Florida.

A little rural area outside of Orlando, about 40 minutes north of Orlando. Our corporate office is in Coral Springs, but we service nationwide. I'm a social worker. I have a master's degree in social work, [00:02:00] and particularly with geriatrics and end of life crisis. My specialty is dementia. And Alzheimer's families.

I enjoy working with those that are newly diagnosed or currently diagnosed with Alzheimer's and helping them navigate the terrain with aging and elderly and the sudden onset diagnosis or things that occur that drives everybody crazy. 

Jill: Yeah, and I know that Alzheimer's and dementia is one of those ones that.

Completely changes your life, even before the illness fully gets to, I hate to say the worst, but the worst. Mm-hmm. And it really is something that more and more people are dealing with. But how long have you been a social worker? 

Princella: I have been a social worker since 2005. So 15 years. 

Jill: Okay. 

Princella: Now 15 years. But I worked in the elder care in the industry, so I started out at business administration.

Mm-hmm. Don't ask me why that's just. The common thing to just put on the application, and I, [00:03:00] I swiftly learned that wasn't the course for me because it was full of math. The company that I was working for as a case manager were transitioning, kind of going out of business things weren't doing well in Florida, and I got an opportunity to work in a nursing home.

So I went on the interview and I was like, oh. 'cause I had never gone in one. When you're in your thirties or twenties, you don't even think about a nursing home or aging or elderly. You don't even look that way, probably never think you'll ever need it. I went in there for the interview and I thought it was just like, wow, okay.

But I accepted a job right on the spot. She offered it to me and my mom critically became ill all within one week before I could take the job. She was young. I still took the job. I remember telling her about it and she says, go ahead and give it a try. That was her last advice that she had ever given me because.

Within a couple of days she was gone. 

Jill: No, 

Princella: she had passed away. But I remember walking down the hallway after accepting, I guess the death of my mom accepting a new career, the new [00:04:00] change. I remember saying I found my niche. I enjoyed working with the families. I enjoyed working with the elderly, and that has been.

Now since 2002 I work, 'cause I had switched my major. So now we're talking 24 years as a geriatric case manager and working directly with the families. 

Jill: I love that. I know when we first got on the call before we started recording, you were so excited because you just helped a family and like that joy in your voice of like, this is what we do this kind of work for, to help people to serve and to give them the services that they need.

And it's apparent that you love your job. I could tell as soon as you signed on, you were really happy about it and that's what we need, right? This is hard work. If you are not focused on the end result, if you get too caught up in the challenges, then it could be really exhausting and overwhelming. [00:05:00] But if you're focused on that, really like help in some ways, it saves people's lives, right?

When we're able to get them the services that they need and help out their families. I could tell how passionate you are about the work that you do. 

Princella: Well, you know why? Because it's not a job. It's purpose for me. So when you live on purpose, you find joy all the time, and that's the best way I can explain it.

Even my husband sometimes can't understand. I'm working with one of my family members, she's critically ill. Everything just happened overnight. And so I'm the one that's bubbly and optimistic and I'm like, you know, this is gonna work in this direction because this is what I do. You know, every day, all day.

And her daughter said to me, I don't know how you do this every day, just talk, talk, talk. You know about it and can keep up with the me momentum. And I said, because I get results, you are happy. And that's purpose. Purpose brings fulfillment and happiness and joy. So that's how I'm able to do this every day.

Jill: What do you do with your [00:06:00] clients? Because I know social work is pretty broad, right? Like you can have social work in any area of life. Yeah. So what exactly do you do as a social worker? Or do you still call yourself that? What do you do now? 

Princella: Right. I have a degree in social work, but I don't actually provide the functions of a social worker.

I use my education. As a part of my expertise, but as a coach, a care coach, I come alongside families that are now having to, or have made very, very tough decisions. I'll give you a good example. You know, we may receive a referral and it may be mom's in the hospital. She was driving yesterday. Everything just changed.

She can't go back home. That's just not an option. She broke her hip. The doctor is saying it's gonna take a couple months for therapy and rehab. It's just too overwhelming because yesterday she was driving or sometimes it's [00:07:00] been a slow progress and now things have changed. I'll come in and help them navigate, help them emotionally stabilize themself and come to terms of what's going on and help make tough decisions objectively.

But what's best? For mom, dad, and uncle, whomever, the healthcare surrogate or a point person may be, right? So they'll say, well, she's gotta go to rehab and never been in rehab. What do you think? I'll start giving my professional advice and suggestions as to what this mean, why the doctor's recommending you.

The mom is discharged there for therapy and then sometimes they end up going there and they don't improve, and now you've gotta make another tough decision. Well, I can't go back home. I never thought a day that I would not be able to take care of my parents, but you're in the middle of your career or you're not local.

This is the best decision. I help you understand that this is the best decision for now. [00:08:00] Things are always going to, you know, go. We take a look at all the finances, so if you're not in crisis, we look at it in advance. This is what we can afford. This is what we cannot afford. These are my wishes, and I make it realistic.

I have X amount of dollars. This is where I wanna live. This is how I want to spend the rest of my life. But if you're already in it, if you call us when you're already in it, you've already waited too late to plan. So now we are in crisis mode and we're helping you now. Where you are now, it's always best if you could start planning ahead, talking it out, talking these things over, making sure you have the person or the decision maker already established.

It makes life so much easier. So you can either, again, in our office, be in crisis mode, or you can be in planning mode. And we make them aware of all the financial options that are available. There are a lot of federal and state funding that are available that many people do not know or understand or even realize that they were [00:09:00] entitled to.

We definitely go through that, that with them and provide that as an option. And some cases, we'll actually. Submit some of the applications for them for what, whatever state they're in, if it's federal or or federal benefit, or if it's a state benefit. We'll also help them get those benefits that can add some extra finances to release some of the financial burden, because that's one of the first things people are really concerned about is how am I gonna pay for care?

And care is expensive. 

Jill: Yes it is. I don't understand how expensive it is. 

Princella: Expensive to honor your wishes. That's the best way I can say it. If you wanna be home round the clock with care, you've gotta be prepared to have X amount of dollars minimum each year, and you've gotta multiply that by your age. By your diagnosis, and that's how we get the end results of how we can make that happen for you.

Jill: So you almost do a bit of financial planning with people, figuring out how they can [00:10:00] afford to do the long-term care, especially if you have dementia, that can be a long life that you still have ahead of you. It also can require a lot of care from family members, from paid. Help because it's exhausting on family members.

So there is a lot that goes into it. 

Princella: Absolutely. So I don't become a financial advisor, but I get married to your financial advisor if you have one. We sit down together and we put this plan together. We look at your financial advisor, we'll have your portfolio. I'll come on and say this is the price point we need to be at in order to obtain this goal.

Jill: Hmm. Okay. 

Princella: I marry your attorney. If your attorney and I will work together, we'll know what your wishes are, what's in writing, or if you do not have it, we can always make recommendations to different elder law attorneys to make sure that all of the advanced directives are put in place [00:11:00] now. This is great when you're pre-planning.

If you come with Dimi, you on Alzheimer's, we are on our way to the courts and we put those things together. Also, we'll work with you to petition the courts to become the guardian or a court appointed guardian. 

Jill: What exactly is that? Guardians and point, I can't even say Court appointed. Guardian. Guardian.

What is the difference between the two? I'm not really sure myself. 

Princella: So advanced directives, you will have advanced directives when you are able to make a decision and appoint someone. I would like to appoint Jill as my healthcare surrogate or my power of attorney. I know I do not want lifelong measures.

That's advanced directives. I was of sound mind. I was able to appoint Jill 'cause I trust Noah. I love her. Now Jill also can be appointed as the Guardian, which is a court appointed. So there's no difference In order to become a guardian, it is something that is appointed by the courts. So now you're in front of a judge proving why you [00:12:00] need to become the guardian for Mr.

And Mrs. Smith because they lack capacity to give permission. So if you don't know the date, time of person, certainly you can't say, I want Jill to be appointed as my healthcare surrogate or power of attorney because you have a diagnosis. So that means you're not aware of time or you've been deemed incapacitated.

Matter of fact, before you can actually have the court appointed, you have to be deemed incapacitated or you can do advanced planning by saying, if at any point I require a guardian, I want Jill to be the guardian. You can preplan or it can be in crisis. Um, 

Jill: and so the guardian and your healthcare power of attorney, so your healthcare power of attorney and a guardian, they could be the same person, but they're different roles that they play, or is it kind of the same but just a different name for 'em?[00:13:00] 

Princella: So that's a good question. You can have a healthcare surrogate and the surrogate or proxy becomes your healthcare. Decision maker, and then you can have a guardian who's only over finances or both. 

Jill: Okay. 

Princella: They still do the same thing. It just depends on what power they have. So advanced erectus, you may give one.

Health power and you may trust the other one. With finances, if you have a daughter or a son, that's really good with making sure the bills are in place and financially responsible. Sometimes I'll see it where they'll say, I want my daughter, the healthcare surrogate, you know, to speak. And then my son, he's great with numbers.

He pays all the bills. He's my power of attorney. 'cause a power of attorney is only the financial piece. Okay. Healthcare surrogate or proxy. Is the clinical piece. So if you have healthcare surrogate and no power of attorney, certainly you can't walk into a bank with a healthcare surrogate and do any transactions and vice versa.

Power of attorney doesn't [00:14:00] make healthcare decisions. 

Jill: Okay. 

Princella: But it can be both. But there're two 

Jill: documents. Can both. Okay. And if it has to be. Court appointed, would that be because you didn't name somebody and the doctors are saying, this person can't make decisions. We need to have a person. So then it goes to the courts and the courts are like, we're gonna choose whoever we think is the person that would be best to fill that role.

Princella: Well, not always do they choose someone that's best. So you can have a daughter who went to the attorney and said, Hey, mom has dementia, Alzheimer's. I can't take over it, but I'm willing to become the guardian. The attorney will petition the courts, meaning ask the courts for rights to have this person first Dean incapacitated.

So there's a examining committee that will come in and ask questions, and all of us will say. Yes, this person definitely is incapacitated. You sign off, you have to have a license. [00:15:00] You sign off on that. The judge sees that, okay, Jill's willing to act as the attorney, excuse me, as the guardian, and he signs off and approve it.

Now, if you do not step up or no one's willing, the courts will. Step in and assign you a professional guardian. And so he could choose whomever is registered there at that state or that county to become the guardian. 

Jill: And that's why we need people like you, because even for me. That understands a lot of stuff.

There's still so much that I'm like, oh man, this is a lot. It's confusing and it's no wonder that people put it off and don't wanna deal with it. Because you don't even know where to start. Once you start, you go down this rabbit hole of being like, well, now I need this person and I need to sign this paperwork.

It definitely feels overwhelming for people, so I understand why they put it off, but putting it off is such a bad idea because then [00:16:00] your loved ones have to deal with this. While they're also in the middle of a crisis, right? They're potentially dealing with your illness. They're grieving your death. We definitely want to pre-plan and have all these things in place before we need to have these pieces of paper and these people appointed.

Princella: Yeah, it's emotional overload. And so if you can prevent that, which you can, you need to seek guidance of an individual like myself. And you do know I have a book. It's an informative book. It's everything you need to know about me. And so in that informative book, that's where I provoke these hard questions and you're challenged to ask those questions.

Jill: And is your book on Amazon? 

Princella: It is on Amazon, and you can go directly to our site, complete elder solutions.com, download it, and you can have it on Kindle or you can order from Amazon, everything you need to know about me or just put my name in the search engine and it'll come right up. 

Jill: Oh, that's awesome.

And I will [00:17:00] put all that in the show notes so people can easily find it. Is it kind of like a fill in workbook? 

Princella: Yes. That 

Jill: somebody would use? 

Princella: Yes. It's very informative. If you fill this in now rather than later, you will definitely avoid family confusion. You'll save yourself a minimum of $10,000 of court fees petitioning the courts for guardianship because there's a lot of fees that are associated with the Guardian 'cause you have to have an attorney.

Jill: Yeah. Attorneys do get expensive. 

Princella: They do get expensive, 

Jill: like a lot of things with aging, it gets more expensive the longer that you wait. If you do a lot of these things ahead of time. You can really save yourself some cost as well as the heartache and the confusion for your loved ones. 

Princella: Exactly. For sure.

I agree. The thing is to plan it, I call pre-planning like your auto insurance. You don't expect to have an accident. You, you have insurance so that if you do, [00:18:00] you know who to call, who's gonna fix your car. Who's gonna be responsible for repairing it, right? So, or if I have a flat tire, I run out of gas, I need a my car towed.

You have that because it's a safeguard. Planning is a safeguard. That book, that tool is the insurance. Write it down. Put the information in a book, put it in a safe place. 'cause it is, it is filled with a lot of pertinent, important information and make sure that someone knows exactly where it is. So in the event you're unable to speak for yourself, the information won't be handy to figure out who you are, how to pay bills, where are your bills due, who do you owe?

Who's your financial advisor? What is your end of life? What are your wishes? Where do you wanna be buried? Do you wanna be cremated? In that informative book, you'll be able to write those things out. 

Jill: Yeah, because it does sound a lot like some of what I do with my clients. Like you said, a lot of your work, you [00:19:00] don't call yourself a death doula, but it sounds a lot of the things that I do is similar with that planning and you know, giving families the peace of mind, knowing that this information is all written down somewhere for your families to follow.

We don't wanna wait until we're in crisis. When you work with clients, what would you say is the best time for somebody to contact you? Because we don't wanna wait until we're in crisis, but I know a lot of people go, well, I don't need to think about that now. I'm young, I'm healthy. We don't need this now.

And. Really, I always say, we all need this. I don't care what your age is, I don't care what your health status is. We need to have this information. We need to talk about it. So when you work with people, what is the best time for somebody to reach out to you? 

Princella: So, so I'll break it down in age group. So when you become an adult, you always need to at least have your advanced directives in [00:20:00] place.

At minimum, if you're single or married, have a point person as a healthcare surrogate, as a power attorney. I would say from age 20 to 50, right, because right, they're the age. You really don't have many diagnosis going on. Like you said, you're pretty healthy, so you don't want to dibble into too much, right?

But what happened if you're in an auto accident? All of a sudden. Right, so that that wasn't, that wasn't diagnosis related. Chronic. That was immediate. So at least have that on hand. Know who the point person is gonna be anytime, 50 or a new diagnosis. The moment you have a new diagnosis, you want to go a little bit further.

You wanna start talking to your family members and definitely making sure you have your advanced directives in place, having conversations about what you wish, what you want, and what you do not want. We need to know what you like and what you don't like, so that we can definitely obtain the goal and make sure that you're comfortable, right?[00:21:00] 

So any new onset, new diagnosis? Definitely time, definitely. And you're almost too late. But I would definitely say that 65 and up, everyone should have the informative information. Located in that book in place somewhere because the diagnosis will start. It may happen in the next couple of years or five years.

And then you know what? Have these conversations around happy times and not sad times. Holidays are coming up. This is the best time to start talking, you know, over a meal. Hey mom, I was just thinking, or hey dad or the next door neighbor, inviting her over. You know, if you know you're the point person for your next door neighbor, Hey, just outta curiosity, what would you like?

You know, don't. Have the conversation as though it's an executive meeting. 'cause then it's gonna feel too stuffy and it's gonna feel like, I don't wanna deal with this, but do it while you're able to, you know, and everybody pretty much knows timing. I think this is a great time and you point that time and you have these [00:22:00] conversations.

Jill: I recently created a document for a client of mine that the wife has dementia and the husband wants to. Have this conversation, you know, create this end of life care plan, but was kind of doing the like, well, I don't know, you know, she's not in a good place right now to bring this conversation up. And so he asked like, did I have any.

Tips on bringing it up to her. Like, how could we start this conversation? Because that's something that I hear over and over and over again. I wanna have the conversation. My loved ones aren't ready. They just won't do it. Every time I try to bring it up at all, they try to change the subject. They don't wanna talk about it.

The thing that I have found is that if we say to people that it's like planning for anything else in life. We just need to have this conversation. It doesn't mean that we're gonna need it. Like you said, it's like insurance. A lot of the things that I talk about with people when [00:23:00] we talk about our end of life care plans, different diagnosis, different treatment options, would you wanna be intubated?

Would you want CPR? Would you want these different things? I also have to remind people, you may never need any of this, but it's better if we talk about it now. Then if we wait until you do need one of these things, and then we don't have the answers. Because for me, sometimes when I think about it, I'm like, I don't ever wanna be intubated.

I don't want, you know, CPR when I'm 80 years old. And then I have to remind myself I might never need any of this information, but if I do, I want to know the answers. So. When you work with families, do you find that same resistance of like, I wanna talk about it but other people don't? How do you work around that?

Princella: Yeah, absolutely. And sometime it's just the opposite. Sometime the actual person is ready to talk about it and the children are not, 'cause they're inden denial, they don't wanna talk about, they don't even wanna imagine, you know, mom or dad leaving, understands. And if they're at [00:24:00] that point, that's when you begin describing, right?

So at least it's in a place where they'll look back and say, phew. I'm so glad mom did this or I'm so glad dad did this. You know, this helped out a a whole lot. So yeah, we experienced that quite a bit, but again, you always have to move it away from them and not make it feel so directed so you can still accomplish it and get it done.

Jill: Yeah, it's understandable, the fear in wanting to talk about it, because it can be an uncomfortable conversation. But it's not as uncomfortable as it seems. I think the thought of having the conversation is worse than actually having the conversation. 'cause like you said, it doesn't have to be like an executive meeting.

You know, you can have it over dinner and you can just start having the conversation. Little small ways, you know, just kind of like a little bit here and there. But really getting it in writing this way, you don't have the thing that happens later on, which you probably see this too, where like one kid says, well, mom told [00:25:00] me she wanted this.

And then the other kid's like, well, mom said she wanted this. And now you have the two people disagreeing and potentially mom did actually say both, but maybe she said one thing 10 years ago and one thing a year ago. We really need to have the conversation and get everybody on the same page. Children stopped talking to each other after parents die because of arguments between the care, the money, who did more.

This one didn't do anything. 

Princella: I see it all the time. I've actually attended funerals where one side of the family was sitting on this side, and the other one, I'm just here, but I want anything, I don't wanna talk to her. I'm, you know, she doesn't exist. So make sure that you create two sides in the chapel so that I'm not on the same side.

It's tough because it's tough to talk about. Aging or dying. It's not like we're having a conversation about who's getting married or our next granddaughter is on its way. You know, a happy moment. It's can be very scary actually. 

Jill: It can be scary, but not [00:26:00] talking about it isn't going to save us from having really negative experiences happen, if anything, and it's 

Princella: worse.

Jill: Exactly. 

Princella: Worst thing you can do is to avoid it. 

Jill: And is that something that you will work with as well? Like if a family contacts you and says, Hey, you know, we're in the point where mom never told us what she wanted. Now mom's in the hospital, she can't talk. We need to figure all this out. Do you help walk families through that as well?

Yes. Versus the pre-planning, which would be ideal, but sometimes we don't have a choice. 

Princella: Yeah, so I'll come in as the voice of reasoning. I'll come in from an objective perspective and make the help the family make the best decision for what's happening now, because mom may have said, I don't want anybody in my home caring for me.

Right? That's a big one. I don't want anybody, but now that may be the best choice. It may be the only option that we have, and help them see that through the lens of what's [00:27:00] best for the person that's in that bed. 

Jill: Yeah, a lot of people, you're right, I used to hear that like, oh, everybody wants to die at home.

Nobody wants to die in a hospital. But the more that I actually started talking to real people, the more I started talking to folks, they were like, yeah, really? I actually don't wanna be in my home if I need round the clock care. I don't wanna be in my house. I don't want that for my family. I don't want the people coming in and outta my house all day.

I would rather be somewhere else. But that goes back to that cost too, is people don't understand how expensive it is to go to an assisted living. People don't understand how expensive it is to have a full-time caregiver. You mentioned earlier about the kids saying, I work full-time and now my parent needs full-time care.

How are we gonna pay for this? Because I can't leave my job. My mother was a little older when she had me. I was older when I had my kids. My kids are still in sixth and ninth grade, [00:28:00] so I still got kids that require a lot of care. Thankfully, knock on wood, my mother does not need it, but she's in her late seventies.

There's a lot of people that buy that age. They do, right? So like, what does somebody like me do where I can't leave my kids? I can't leave my work. I can't afford to pay for somebody for my mom. What do I do now? You know, it's hard. 

Princella: It's hard, right? That's a tough decision that you have to make. Do you realize the voice rate is high at our age of fifties, sixties, because you become caregivers and so all your attention has to move from outta your home into directly caring for your parents.

It becomes a tough time even in homes to really fight through it and to really make it through. 

Jill: That's interesting. I could see how that would be the case. I'm lucky my husband would be very supportive if I needed to do it, but he wouldn't be happy about it either. 

Princella: You'd have some tension to, you are [00:29:00] happy to do it, but imagine doing this at a slow.

Dying process something, 10 years Alzheimer's, the brain starts shrinking and it shrinks at its own rate. It can be slow, right? Or it can be very fast. So sometimes you have someone with dementia and Alzheimer's for 10 years. Imagine having to do that for 10 years. Everybody gets overwhelmed and exhausted.

Everybody starts to feel the caregiver burnout, because we're only human no matter how wonderful you are. 

Jill: Is that something that you work with as well, is caregivers and helping them get the resources? I know you mentioned that there's things statewide and nationwide that can help. What are those programs?

Do they help pay for care? Do they help pay for treatments? Do they help caregivers? In New Jersey, there might be a program where if you're a full-time caregiver for a parent or spouse or even a child, you can actually get paid [00:30:00] through the state so that you can leave your job. And take care of them. But I don't think a lot of people know that exists.

Princella: Well, yes, some states do you know the criteria are individually based because it's a state benefit, right? And not a federal benefit. So yeah, we have that here in Florida as well. There's guidelines you have to meet. You don't just become a caregiver and get paid. Doesn't happen. There are also Medicaid products that will help pay towards cost of care in the home.

Or in assisted living. And there's also Medicaid that would pay the total cost. In nursing home, the criteria is different. In each state, you would definitely seek out a company like ours or another law attorney, especially if you have assets that are over the threshold. 'cause you still can qualify. You have the Veterans Administration that does have different programs.

You may be eligible for financial assistance, one being the home bound [00:31:00] or the. Aid and attendance program that will pay for care. You can use the funds to pay for care in the home or assisted living. A lot of people don't understand it, so they're struggling trying to pay. And then there may be some federal and state funding that are, that is available.

Jill: I know a lot of people working with death doulas, and I'm sure it's the same with you, where they're like, oh, I can't really afford it. But in the long run, we can actually help save you money. We can help you find places where you don't have to be spending as much for care. Some of what I talk to people about is some of the treatment options and when we might wanna stop treatment options because it might not be something that's going to save our life, it's not gonna add to our quality of life.

And so people go down these paths where they're potentially getting themselves into debt. Over health treatments they maybe don't even really want, but they didn't [00:32:00] know the right questions to ask doctors. They didn't know this information. And so there's probably people that would love to hire you, but they're thinking, oh God, I can't really afford it.

But it sounds like you can actually help save them money in the long run, 

Princella: right? Time is money. So if you take the time that you're taking off from work, trying to spend a day to Google and find resources. You could have paid your coach to do that, and you're on your job. You're not at risk for losing your job or making a decision between having to leave the job so you can handle the affairs for your loved ones.

So time is definitely money. And when you weigh it out, it just makes sense. It just makes sense. 

Jill: Yeah. This idea of time, especially when you're talking about a loved one, I have. Change the way that I look at life. When I became a death do. The more that I got okay with death, the more I realized what's important to me in life.[00:33:00] 

Oftentimes, I see caregivers consumed with those day-to-day things of trying to make all the phone calls and trying to arrange all the things, and trying to do all this stuff rather than actually taking the time that they have. Being present with their loved one, sitting with them, talking to them, spending time with them.

Instead, they're on the phone arguing with insurance companies or things that somebody else really could do for them, especially. If it's a woman in our culture, we're taught that we have to do all of this stuff. Sometimes we get very much in that mindset of like, well, I can do it all, so I am gonna do it all, when really we can bring people in to help us do some of those things so we can actually use our time for.

Other things that are really gonna make us and our loved one feel better in the long run, especially once they're gone. I don't wanna look back and think that the last few years I spent with somebody, I spent the [00:34:00] entire time on the phone trying to navigate all these things. I wanna remember that we spent time sitting together talking and being with each other, 

Princella: right?

And so you value your time. So that's what you have to come to that conclusion. I value my time. Not only that, I have my own family. So what happens if your parents are 70 years old and you still have children or grandchildren? You're missing an important soccer game or an important baseball game at after school activities that we all look forward to as grandparents, right?

So you have to make that decision as to what's more important to you, and always goes back to time is money, so, or do you want freedom? You want time freedom. Freedom time enough to spend with your loved one or with your children or your husband, or take a vacation, you're not able to take a vacation because your hands are all in the pot of trying to do everything.

When there's someone out there, [00:35:00] like a Jill that can help you manage or go through the terrains, it's just worth it. 

Jill: Yeah, because I think for me at least. I'm okay with death, right? Like at this point even I'm not afraid to die, but I'm afraid of what potentially can come before that and thinking about, you know, my parents, my in-laws, even my husband of what it might look like for the end of their life and what type of care.

And you're right, like giving up things. That means something to me. Spending, like right now, I actually just signed up to be a softball coach. I've never even played softball, but my daughter's team needed a coach. So I'm on the field coaching and learning, and we're having a great time. But yes, that would be one of the things that I would potentially have to give up if I needed to be a full-time caregiver.

Yes. And of course, you love your people, right? I think that's a hard part of it too, is when I took care of my grandmother at the end of her life. [00:36:00] I was very happy to do it, but she never thankfully got to that point until right at the end when she needed me there 24 7. That was only about three weeks of her life that I had to be there.

Somebody had to be there. If you have somebody that has dementia, potentially you're gonna go years where they're gonna need somebody there for their own safety. For your safety, you're gonna need somebody there 24 7. And that is really difficult. And that part does still scare me. And I will admit that that's the thing that I worry about.

Princella: Exactly. And it should. It's something that we all have to think about and we all should think about. 

Jill: But planning for that when we find out there's a diagnosis or parents are aging, let's plan for what that will look like. 

Princella: Hard to see the handwriting on the wall, even if they don't have a diagnosis. You can see mom's slowing down.

She's not driving as often, or she's a little afraid to [00:37:00] drive. Those are all the hand signs, the handwriting on the wall. 

Jill: Mm-hmm. 

Princella: So you don't have a diagnosis, but you can see. 

Jill: Yeah. And now we do live longer because of the advancements in healthcare, but also that does kind of lead us to being like, all right, when.

Is it time for us to decide? Maybe. 'cause that's where, even with my mom, she had breast cancer a couple years ago and thankfully, because again, I know what questions to ask. I know how to navigate the healthcare system enough that when we went to see the surgeon, the surgeon was like, due to her age, due to what kind it is, it's the type that basically is like reactive to hormones.

I would suggest just surgery, then putting her on an anti-hormone pill. But the oncologist was like, what do you mean you're not gonna do radiation? You're not gonna do radiation and chemo? Well, I can't guarantee that it's not gonna come back in 10 years. And my mom was like, all right, 10 years, like, fine.

If it comes [00:38:00] back in 10 years, I'll be all right. Because we've also seen the side effects of chemo and radiation. It's been, I think four years now since we went through this. She gets her mammogram, she takes her pills, she does everything she needs to do. Everything is fine, and she never went through that.

But if I didn't know to ask that question, if I didn't know to talk to the surgeon and say like. What's the benefits? What's the risks? What should we do? Let's talk it through. We would've potentially listened to the oncologist and been like, oh, okay. Radiation. All right. Chemo. Okay, fine. And then we would've gone down a very different path, but we, 

Princella: and 10 years from now should be 87 years old.

Jill: Yeah. 

Princella: You wouldn't do anything anyway. You wouldn't have surgery or anything. You wouldn't choose any aggressive treatment at that point. So just, yeah. 

Jill: I know and it is hard to have those conversations though if you don't know the information, but that's why there's people like us to help 

Princella: you make it.

Yeah. It's to help you make those [00:39:00] tough decisions. 

Jill: I know you said you'd work virtually, so even though you're located in Florida, you work with families all around the country. 

Princella: Aging is aging. If you live long enough, you're gonna age and it's, you don't age any different. In Florida, then you're doing Colorado, then you're doing J in in in New Jersey.

Aging is aging. It's the same outcome. You're in the hospital, you have this diagnosis. This is what you need to do. It's not a cookie cutter. It's not like if you live in Florida you won't have this happen. You don't have to answer these questions. Aging is aging no matter where you. Globally, nationally, internationally, we all age the same.

Isn't that interesting? We all come in this world the same way, which is through the womb of a woman, we all die the same way. Right? 

Jill: Yeah. 

Princella: Nothing different. 

Jill: And I love that in a lot of ways. You know, like I think there's, for me at least, there's a little bit of comfort in that. I don't wanna live forever. I don't wanna be here [00:40:00] forever.

Princella: Go Now, if I didn't have my family that I love. So much I would be okay if I didn't have my family that I love so much. That's what I hold on to. Life is because of my family. I love them so much. Not for me selfish, because I'm just here. I mean, I'm healthy from what I know. But again, I would not wanna leave my family.

That would be what I would be more concerned about, leaving my daughter, leaving my grandchildren. I wouldn't want to leave them. 

Jill: Yeah. Same for me. And that's why I mentioned how there's different things that you would recommend people do at different ages. It's important that we revisit these conversations that we revisit.

What we want. I will be 47 in a few weeks. My kids are young. What I would go through now if I had a diagnosis is definitely different. I would be a little bit more aggressive, more for them. Mm-hmm. I don't wanna leave children with no mother. It's not even for me. But when I am 87, it's gonna be totally [00:41:00] different.

Even 67, it's gonna be totally different. So we need to. Think about it and have these conversations and it will change with time and that's also okay. Right. Changing your mind is okay. It is important that we revisit and talk about it with our loved ones. When I was 47, I said this, now I'm 67, I want this, and now I'm 87 and I want something different.

Princella: Exactly. So it's like you said, it's a conversation. To have and to be had. It's an interesting conversation. What we do is so amazing. The only thing that really concerns me is we're like a diamond in the rough. People have to find us and know about us. We're not, telecast is not a huge announcement. If you don't know, you don't know.

That's the only thing that breaks my heart about what we do because we're so valuable. 

Jill: Yeah, 

Princella: and we're so valuable and people don't know. We're so valuable. They just don't know. So many Americans or [00:42:00] people take this ride off, tread the wars by themselves, frustrated, overwhelmed, when that really doesn't have to be the case.

Jill: You're exactly right that people just don't know that 

Princella: it's not even for money. 'cause for us that do this is beyond money, right? Because this is a career that you have to be living on purpose. It has to be purpose driven. It has to be a part of your call. 

Jill: For me, as I can tell, it is for you. Like I said, as soon as you signed on and you were like, I just helped my client make me feel so good, like you can tell when people are doing this work because.

We love helping people have a better experience. You know, that's really what it's about. Also, we still need to pay our bills, so mm-hmm. We need to charge for this work. 

Princella: We have to charge Exactly. 

Jill: Tricky. Yeah. 

Princella: We have to charge. We do have bills to pay, but it always comes because we provide such good service purpose.

We'll give you wealth, money will just come [00:43:00] and even if it doesn't come with money, sometimes it's just the fuel and the food that you need today, or we have children. I don't know who's gonna come along and help my children. So for us, it's very rewarding, very rewarding. 

Jill: I love it, and we're actually at the end of our time.

I know you already mentioned your website, but if people want to find you, what is the best place to reach out to you? To find out more about you, to find your book, all of those things 

Princella: go directly to the website, complete elder solutions.com. There you'll be able to purchase the book, look at the services we provide, and see how we can help you shred the waters plan.

Pre-planned, I mean, and even if you're in crisis, we're here to help you during crisis. Don't feel like it's too late. You will definitely get the help that you need and all the questions that you have, we can answer them for you. 

Jill: Wonderful. 

Princella: So that's complete ella solutions.com. We also have a toll free number that they can call directly and [00:44:00] speak to a live person as well.

That's 8 3 3 4 0 4 8 9 6 0. So we're always there Monday through Friday, Eastern time, nine eight of to five. 

Jill: Yeah, I'll put the phone number, the website in the show notes so people can easily find it. Thank you so much, ela. This was really informative. Thank you for answering all of my questions. I really enjoyed it.

Princella: I enjoyed it. As soon as I saw what you do, I was like, oh my God, this is so amazing. I, myself, as a professional, would not have thought about a gift, but I had one when I had a baby, a little older, you know what I mean? And I thought, you know what? I need this 'cause emotionally. That was scary for me. That's when I realized the importance of the delivery doula.

Because I had anxiety to the roof. 

Jill: I could imagine 

Princella: 44 having a baby. I was like in my career and she's like, you're gonna be okay. You just gotta breathe. 'cause my mind, before I got to labor and delivery, I had already had the child. [00:45:00] So all the responsibilities, how I was changing my life, and she just kind of kept me in the moment.

Jill: Mm-hmm 

Princella: Let's be pregnant, let's enjoy this baby. Let's get through labor and delivery. It was great. 

Jill: Wonderful. And that's kind of what I do, but on the other end of the spectrum. 

Princella: Yeah, exactly. Wonderful. 

Jill: Thank you. 

Princella: Thank you so much for having me. I look forward to coming back anytime. 

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