Suicide Loss and the Power of Writing with Cyra S. Dumitru

This episode explores how writing, grief, and spiritual connection can help us process loss and live more consciously. Poet and author Cyra Dumitru shares her journey of losing her brother David to suicide, and how poetry became a vital tool for healing, end-of-life reflection, and honoring his legacy. Her story shows how creative expression can help us face trauma, navigate grief, and discover meaning after loss.

Cyra grew up in a family that cherished language. Her parents filled her childhood with stories, poems, and the beauty of words. She discovered early that writing could make imagination real, like the first time she wrote about a bird and felt its presence in the room. This love of language grew into a lifelong practice of poetry, journaling, and honoring the power of imagination.

When her brother David died by suicide, Cyra was only sixteen. She witnessed his final moments and carried the trauma and regret for years. Poetry became her lifeline, giving her a way to process the physical, emotional, and spiritual weight of that loss. Over time, she began to feel David’s presence in dreams and memories, not as “her brother who died,” but as a loving spirit who continued to walk beside her.

Through decades of writing, revising, and reflection, Cyra created a book that blends poetry, memory, and healing. She believes that writing allows grief to move through the body, opening space for discernment, connection, and even joy. Journaling, especially noticing small daily beauties, became a grounding practice that helped her reclaim inner balance.

Her work highlights how creative expression, end-of-life reflection, and conscious living help us carry grief, honor legacy, and move toward healing.

If you’re struggling, call 988 or visit the Suicide Prevention Resource Center.

www.cyrasweetdumitru.com

To purchase Cyra’s book, head to  Bookshop

Transcript

Cyra: [00:00:00] As we write, we can make realizations. We can make connections that we might not otherwise have made. It can facilitate discernment and discovery. Changing the emotional energies can allow the mind to relax and begin to see differently and perhaps see choices or openings that we might not have noticed otherwise.

Jill: Welcome back to Seeing Death Clearly. I'm your host, Jill McClennen, a death doula and end of life coach. Here on my show, I have conversations with guests that explore the topics of death, dying, grief, and life itself. My goal is to create a space where you can challenge the ideas you might already have about these subjects.

I want to encourage you to open your mind and consider perspectives beyond what you may currently believe to be true. In this episode, I sit down with poet and author Cyra Sweet Dimitri to explore how writing grief and spiritual connection can transform the way we live [00:01:00] after loss. Cyra shares her story of losing her brother David to suicide when she was just 16, and how poetry became her life.

Through trauma, regret and healing. Growing up in a family that cherished words, she discovered the power of language early on, how imagination and writing could bring presence, meaning, and even comfort. In the hardest moments Over the years, her journaling and poetry opened up space for reflection, spiritual connection, and the sense that David's spirit still walked beside her.

Together we discuss how creative expression, end of life, reflection, and small daily practices help us carry grief on our legacies. And move toward healing. If you or anyone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, call 9 8 8 or visit the Suicide Prevention Resource Center. There's a link in the show notes.

Thank you for joining us for this conversation. Welcome sru to the podcast. Thank you so much for coming on today. I've been looking forward to this conversation. I did read your book, not the whole thing, [00:02:00] life having two kids and summertime, it's a little crazy, but I definitely read through a lot of it.

Um, and the first thing that I noticed is you are such a beautiful writer, just the way that you write. I am trying to write a chapter right now for a book about grief, and I'm like trying to write that while I'm also reading yours, and I'm like, I can't write like this. You write so beautifully. So I really enjoyed hearing your story.

It's a difficult story, but I enjoyed hearing your story. I also just really enjoyed the writing. It's. Beautiful the way that you write. So I appreciate you coming on today. Tell us a little bit about who you are, even outside of your story that's in your book. 

Cyra: Thank you for this opportunity to come on your show and to meet you and support your work, which I feel is so important.

It's truly an honor to be here and I'm very touched at your kind words about about. The strength of my writing, the, the beauty of it, and that [00:03:00] that means a great deal to me. I think it goes back to a very early experience as a child. When I wrote my first poem, my story comes out of. Parents who loved language, loved making language come alive.

And one of my earliest memories are being read to by my mother, with my brothers, uh, gathered at the beach after we had lunch. And we had to wait that 15, 20 minutes before you could go back and swim. And so she would read, mother would read to us, and my father would often tell us stories at night when he came back from work.

So. Language hearing, language spoken and, and various voices was just fundamental to me when I was learning to write as a first grader. Learning to make the letters was fascinating to me 'cause they looked so alive. And I remember being home, probably I was five or something and I was already in school and learning [00:04:00] to make my letters.

And I remember having this image in my mind of a bird, and I think it was a blue bird. I suddenly thought, well, I could write about that bird. And I got some paper, the wide lined paper and a pencil, and I began to write, I think the word bird or blue. I noticed. That as I wrote those words, this image in my mind was no longer just in my mind.

It was if the bird was now in the room with me. And I've never caught over the marble of that moment. Like I, and I couldn't have explained this as a child, but I knew in that moment that language could create worlds and. Make things come alive. I cherish that. So I feel like that has truly driven me all my life.

I was one of four kids, the only girl in a family of wonderful [00:05:00] brothers. It was important to me to continue loving language person as a reader. But then I wrote a lot in a journal. I had a fourth grade teacher give me my first journal. I was very fortunate from a young age to be around elders who gave me opportunities to discover language as something creative, life affirming, expansive to the mind, the spirit, the imagination.

I think the imagination especially, and to have my inner imagination very stimulated. And I'm grateful that I didn't grow up with cell phones and television was not a big thing in our family. It was all very internal. Imagination. Language is very real for me. It's at the heart of who I am. It's a gift from human beings, and I feel like it's a gift from the creator as well, that we are designed to be creative, transformative beings if we allow ourselves to let that flow in writing.

Part of that for me, so [00:06:00] I'm very much a poet, have been since I think I, in that first poem since I was six. I found as my, as I was going through my teenage years, being the third of four kids, watching my older brother struggle with certain things, especially my eldest brother David. We were close as children, and you can even see that in the photograph on the cover of the book.

That's my brother and myself as very small children. It's a moment that my father captured with his camera. What I love about it is that I'm leaning my head against his head. He is holding his head. Steady. Even as he's working at whatever he's doing, he's reaching away with one arm towards something. So he could have pulled away from me, but he made a choice to hold himself still and and [00:07:00] allow his little sister to keep leaning her head against him.

I feel like that captures this bond between the two of us, which endures 51 years after his death. Unfortunately through suicide. I was there when he took the actions that wounded him severely and led to his death. A few hours later I was at home. When he did that, I experienced the traumatic side of that, and that certainly made what had been.

A living relationship with him. Complicated for me emotionally because of bearing witness, because of the trauma itself, and that has its own life and has to be worked through two things. Writing has been essential to me, especially poetry. Poetry is such a multidimensional use of language. It involves the mind, the body, because all the sensory language of the body, everything the body knows can come [00:08:00] through is imagery in a poem and it involves the spirit.

So 'cause it's coming out of the soul as well. Poetry comes out of the soul, it comes out of the body, it comes out of memory. The poems allowed me to really process more my physical, emotional, spiritual experience of. Witnessing and being traumatized by it, but also working through that trauma. And then David's spirit began to show up and help me in my healing process.

I go back to that moment of him holding his head steady and letting his little sister lean against him and in, in my way of understanding my relationship with him through the years, I believe that. There was a time probably 15, 20 years after his death, and I was. Beginning that process of telling the bigger story, which has become this book.

I'd already written the poems, but now weaving them into this larger narrative. [00:09:00] I believe his spirit sought to be actively helpful in my healing because I would have these dreams where he would show up. And we would go back to that childhood beach where mom would be reading stories to us while we were waiting for our lunch to digest, before we could go back and swim.

He and I would go back to that beach together and just these wonderful days together, I would wake up from those dreams feeling transformed, feeling. Joyful feeling like he was no longer my brother, the suicide. He was my brother. The fullness of who he was. He was my loving brother who was there to companion me in my healing.

He was my big brother in that way. Even though his body was gone, his spirit was coming over from whatever realm that is. That was a long answer to your first question. Mm-hmm. 

Jill: I was just listening intently and looking at the picture. 'cause I have it right here. One of the first things I noticed was the leaning of the head.

That was one of the first things I noticed [00:10:00] when I got the book. I was like, oh, that is so sweet. I'm like, it is so cute. 

Cyra: It's a beautiful photo. The cover designer was working with the book design, you know, the original photo it, so there's sort of this watery feeling. It looks like we're rising out of water, and that was something the designer added to it and I love.

That another important part of my healing has been swimming. I'm a year-round swimmer. I love the water. I need the water it, it's very meditative for me and it's very holistic way of moving, and that's been good. A good way for me to process traumatic witness and contemplative being so, Hmm. I love that. I love water 

Jill: as well.

It is one of my favorite things. I did a writing intensive. It was probably the first time I ever wrote anything that I felt like, oh, that's actually alright. Then I got it in me somewhere. What I wrote about [00:11:00] was as a child going in the pool and what I used to do was go and sit in the deep end. I would hold my breath and sit on the bottom of the deep end.

For as long as possible, because I just love that feeling of being alone. It just felt so comforting and so safe to me. And even now when I go in the pool with my kids, I love to go underwater and swim as long as I can. There's just something about that that feels. The way my body feels when it moves through the water.

That silence, even though you could still hear things, it softens the world around me. I wrote about doing that when I was a child and now as an adult and the connection between the two. It was the first time that I wrote anything and I was like, oh, alright. That's not terrible. I can do this. I wrote about my experience in the water.

I love that you feel the same way about water. It is healing. I love it. 

Cyra: Yes, and I love swimming underwater too, for similar reasons. It [00:12:00] is quiet in that immersion. And the freedom. There's the resistance of the water, but it also makes wave for us as we move through it, which feels like creative life to me.

I'm not at all surprised that you felt so excited about that writing because I think you were writing out of your body the knowing of your body and how your body, and thus your imagination, your spirit felt in that water is probably what led a lot of what you wrote. I don't know if that feels true to you or not.

Jill: The session was about writing from the body or something like that. It was actually titled that I'm gonna have her on my podcast soon after the class. I sent her an email. I was like, would you come on my podcast and talk to me? Because I think there's something important about writing our stories, not just for the sense of like telling our story, what do we wanna leave behind for people?

But I do feel that it is part of. A [00:13:00] way of like healing because all of us have had things not as traumatic as yours, which we'll get to that Hopefully we can share more about the actual experience. But we've all had experiences that have left us feeling shame, guilt, even when my writing is not beautiful.

Writing in a journal makes me feel better. I try to encourage people, especially around grief, please try writing. Try getting it out on paper because. And I like to encourage them to move their body as well, like yoga, dancing, or just going for a walk. Move the grease through, then put it down on paper, maybe by hand.

There's something important about that physical movement of writing by hand that can be part of that healing process. 

Cyra: Yes, I concur wholeheartedly. There are studies that prove a lot of that, and that has been my own experience. There's the catharsis, the physical letting go. As we write. We also can make realizations.[00:14:00] 

We can make connections that we might not otherwise have made. It can facilitate discernment and discovery. Changing the emotional energies can allow the mind to relax and begin to see. Differently and perhaps see choices or openings that we might not have noticed otherwise. Yeah, and then the movement of the body, I think it just gives the body a way to release tensions, get energy flowing, connect with joy, maybe as well as sadness or challenge at the moment, but also connect with some joy and delight and find.

For me anyway, a little more just inner equilibrium, little more grounding of a still li light-filled place to stand upon and move from there. 

Jill: We're gonna jump to the end of your book now 'cause it just made me think of that. You wrote from your brother's point of view, right? However you wanna say it. And there's actually, I [00:15:00] highlighted a spot.

'cause again, I think your writing is so beautiful. You talk about writing as David speaks, and you said in those moments. Before the fire taking my own life made sense. I felt so fallen between the cracks of realities that the only way out was to dematerialize my physical self. And then on the next page you talk about finally that moment when I no longer felt terrible pain, the peace of numbness.

I became swirling orange blossom, which I just was like, oh, I love this so much. I had moved outside of time and was incredibly alive. Swimming luminous. Is that even how you say that word? Luminous. Mm-hmm. Okay. It's one of the words I've actually, I don't think ever said out loud. They corner against the falling night.

I felt invincible, weightless to be this light forever. A beacon from the dark heart of winter, and it makes me wanna cry reading that, especially because. I do find that sometimes putting ourselves in somebody else's place, especially somebody when you're like, I just don't [00:16:00] understand, like why did you do this thing?

Whatever it is, but especially something like what your brother did to put yourself in his place and write from that place. I have actually done this where I've written letters to somebody in my life that hurt me and had them write back to me from their point of view. Found that really. Insightful because I didn't consciously think some of the things I was writing until I started to write it out, and then I was like, oh.

It made me feel more compassion and understanding that we're all human. We do some crazy stuff, but I don't write as beautifully as you do. Those couple of pieces there, I was like, oh, it's just the wording and the way that you write it, it's moving. I love it. Thank you. It's just thank you 

Cyra: very much and thank you for.

Being open to reading those words aloud because of that monologue. I think different people are going to have different responses to that, and there's a [00:17:00] story behind how that even came to being, because. I wrote that pretty early in the process of what has become the book. This book evolved over the course of about 27 years for various reasons.

The idea for the monologue was in one of the earliest phases as I had written everything that I. Could up to that point about what I remembered of David's life. I wanted the fullness of him. I wanted my brother. I wanted all of him. So I was writing as many childhood memories as I could remember. I was checking in with my brothers and my parents to piece some things together.

And this idea came for, well, what would David say? I was also trying to answer the questions you touched upon earlier. It's like why? What in his life would lead him to take what in his life would lead him to taking his own life? And of course I understood eventually that was really the depression. It really was a disease, which was depression.

I think it was the cause of a [00:18:00] suicide. I had questions and I was trying to find some answers to that. He could no longer answer for me. I had this thought, what would David say? And then it was, you could never know. It could be an informed imagination, but it felt a little presumptuous on my part to do that.

So I held that as a question in my mind. For some weeks I was moving away from feeling like it wasn't appropriate because I could never really know. And then one day there was this voice, David Spirit saying, it's okay, and here's a place to begin. Once I started writing it really. Fell into place quickly.

It's probably the one section where I didn't rewrite a lot. Part of the power of the writing as you see, it really does come from a lot of revision, which I love come to love revision. But, but to go back to, to David's spirit, are those my words? Are those David's words? [00:19:00] I, I don't know. And I love that. It could be it both of us.

I feel like that's coming from David and from myself. Love that. So thank you for wanting to read those portions. It was also a way to bring David's voice into the book. There are a few other places where his voice is there. I found a letter he wrote to me when I was at Summer CAA, and I put that letter in there.

Then we found his childhood journal that my mother had given him for Christmas. He wrote in it. Almost every day for about 10 days, and then suddenly he stopped. I'm so grateful to have those pieces of his voice that I know came from him as a living embodied person. That means a lot. 

Jill: I think about.

Journals and I actually had an archivist. Archivist, I can never say that correctly. Archivist? Archivist, yes. That's how I would say [00:20:00] it. Yeah. I think that was right on the podcast. We talked about some of the things that get left behind. I have felt a little bit mixed about journaling and leaving that behind for my children to potentially have, because in some ways it's very real.

It's very me. But in a lot of cases it was more just my struggles and my pain and not necessarily writing, because I'm like, oh, today was a great day. I really enjoyed the day. I spent time hanging out with the children. It was more like, oh, I had this thing happen at work and I'm really frustrated, or This thing happened with a friend and I'm really frustrated, but I also feel that it is so important to leave behind written things by hand so they can see your hand.

Right on my chest, I have. My grandmother's handwriting, she had written a poem and the last line says, life is a journey and love is your fuel. I had it tattooed over my heart after she died because I found this poem that she had [00:21:00] written. That was the way she always talked to me about life. I had the whole poem framed in my bedroom, but having that little bit of her handwriting, nobody else can write the way that we write.

I guess some people can forge well, but for the most part it's so special to me. I've been trying to make more of an effort. To write positive things down so that when my children do find, 'cause actually my childhood journal, I burned it. I was like, Nope, I don't ever want anybody seeing this. And now I wish I wouldn't have.

I was in high school and it was my middle school journal and I was like, it needs to go away. And now I wish I still had it, would go back and read even if it was my struggles to read about what I was going through at that time. I love that you were able to find things like that from your brother. Have his voice, the way that he said things, even if it's maybe not anything important.

It's still his voice and his life and what he was feeling and going through. Yes. 

Cyra: I just have to say about [00:22:00] the story you just shared, what a beautiful way to honor your relationship with your grandmother. Like, wow. Wow. And I guess our handwriting is sort of like, maybe our fingerprints really unique to who we are.

Even if someone else thinks they could try to forge it, I don't think that's, it's not going to be quite, quite the same. I think that's really beautiful and so. Something else I would say about the journal, 'cause this has been important to me as well. In addition to using it as a place where I'm working through my struggles, my challenges.

I also use it to record. Moments of beauty, like the red buds finally blooming those two weeks in South Texas when they bloom. It's usually the end of February, early March. It's wonderful when that happens. I tend to write about that a lot, especially when I am feeling a little discouraged about something.

It's very helpful for me to remember to pay [00:23:00] attention. To the small beauties that are always happening around me, and if I am intentional about noticing them and then really sitting with them and taking a moment and inscribing them in my journal, it allows me to savor the moment all the more sometimes.

I might shape that into a very compressed poem called a Haiku, just a three line poem. There is a chapter in the book where I include quite a few haiku because they were part of my daily practice. While I was on this month long writing residency in South Texas in the midst of drought, there wasn't anything green around me, but it made me notice when there was a monarch butterfly flying through this gray yard.

And I would stop what I was doing and really pay attention to that monarch butterfly, and it brought me a lot of joy when I needed it. 

Jill: Yeah, you gotta find those moments of joy. Yes. [00:24:00] Wherever they are. That's right. We haven't really talked about specifics around your brothers suicide. You can share as much as you want to.

I know. We wanna encourage people also to read your book, to find out the whole story. My boss died by suicide. I. Only know the details that were shared. Right. I have struggled with that feeling of guilt. Maybe I should have reached out to him more. I knew he was having a hard time, but I didn't. I think that's a common thing for people, that we have a loved one that dies by suicide.

There's those feelings of what if? What if I would have, I know you talk about that in your story with David. Anything that you wanna share with us. About that experience and how you were able to move through that feeling a little bit. Thank you. So the first thing 

Cyra: I wanna say is that if anyone who is listening right now is feeling some suicide ideation or know [00:25:00] someone who they're concerned might be, there is a 24 hour crisis hotline that is 9 8, 8.

Just dial 9, 8, 8, and you can very quickly be connected with counselors. I am so grateful that exists. That did not exist for David. The other thing is that the American Federation for Suicide Prevention is also a place for families or loved ones of someone who has committed suicide. If you need support, you can perhaps find support groups in your community by.

Going to the American Federation for Suicide Prevention website. I would really encourage that. What was especially difficult for me in around those moments that surround, that happened right before David and enact his means of, of taking his own life, which I'm not going to talk about it is in the book.

It's a particularly violent and gruesome means, and I am very careful about talking about that. [00:26:00] Because it is so disturbing and it was not painless for him. It was not immediate, and it was not painless. I so regret that he suffered for at least 10 or 12 seconds before he was no longer in pain. Then it was several hours in a burn unit before he passed.

It was not a gentle way to go. Probably a few minutes before he went outside and did that. We were in the kitchen together, had dinner as a family. My father was out of town. My mother was there, my younger brother was there. I was there. A family friend was there, and David was there. It was clear that David was.

Troubled about something. It was clear that he had been struggling with depression for some time. This was 51 years ago. There wasn't nearly as much support or knowledge about how to support someone in depression, so we had not figured that out, but we'd had dinner. He'd been very [00:27:00] quiet. And then for various reasons, everybody kind of left and it was David and myself in the kitchen, and I was getting ready to go.

I'm 16, you know, I'm getting ready to go on a date and that's all I really am focused on. But that moment in the kitchen will always be a moment that I will regret. I've forgiven myself for it, but I will regret it the rest of my life. Just remember him. He kind of set some plates down on a table or something, and he'd done that.

I remember him just standing there and the look in his eyes. There was despair there, but almost more than that. There was an aura about him. I describe it as if doom had a smell, had a scent to it, or an aura. That was what I saw around him, and it was scary. I was scared, you know, it just was frightening to me.

It almost felt like a whirlpool, and I think between. Being 16 and really focused on going out and having a good time. 'cause it was a [00:28:00] Friday night, which was appropriate given that I was 16. That's who I was then. I remembered making a choice that I could either step into that moment with him, see what was going on, or turn my back, walk out of the kitchen and go get ready to be picked up by my boyfriend, and that was what I did.

Maybe two minutes later I could hear him in pain. I could look out my window and have a sense of what he'd done and thought, oh, he's taking his own life. I knew that the other part of my story that I feel is really important in that moment because. This. This is such a miraculous part of my story. I was literally in my bathroom, brushing my teeth, getting ready for the boyfriend.

I was sort of looking in the mirror. David had come just not too far from my window. That was why I could hear him. I was looking in the mirror and literally this voice out of nowhere. That was both, I think inside me, but also outside me. Once called me by name and it said [00:29:00] Cyra. Cyra, this is going to be very hard for you.

Part of you is gonna have to go out and try to help your brother, but part of you is gonna have to hide 'cause this is gonna be really scary. There's a lot you're gonna see and hear and smell, and part of you is gonna have to hide. But someday this is all gonna circle back. I will be with you. And then it made me think of a dream I'd had three days before.

That was an enactment of my witnessing David, take his own life by other means, and I'm thinking, oh my gosh, that dream is somehow preparing me for this moment. So then I went out and did what I could to help him, which wasn't much other than. They go to the neighbors and call for an ambulance and call for help.

But I've thought so much about that voice because I called that voice with a capital V. And it is indeed true that over the years, um, that part of me that did have to hide and kind of dissociate to cope with what I experienced, it took some [00:30:00] years poem by poem with some counseling help as well. All those fractured pieces have coalesced and come back together.

Inside of me, I am whole and cohesive, and that voice has been with me in various ways through all the years. I feel like the promise that voice made to me about how things would circle back, those split parts of me would come back together. Absolutely. That promise has been fulfilled. It took a lot of years because it was important.

Part of my journey was also learning how to offer writing as healing tools for other people myself, first, as my own practice. Really establish it as a deep practice and then. Added conviction for the power of that practice, learn how to offer it to other people and participate in the joy of observing their healing over time.

I think all of that had to happen for the reconnection within myself to be complete. [00:31:00] Once I really understood that, I knew how to do the last framing, rewriting of the book as a whole and say that's the deepest story here, energy spirit that's out there, uh, really I believe. Certainly in my story, very much wanted my healing, very much wanted to actively participate and facilitate my healing all the way through.

I feel like that's the deepest story of the universe for me, the transformational power that is built into the universe and built into us as human beings. I imagine David in his own way has experienced that so. So I, the writing definitely very big part of that transformational process. And then just every now and then voice would show up and speak very explicitly to me about certain things and I wouldn't know to listen.

I think it's that voice. I think I better pay attention. 

Jill: I love the way that you said. You can [00:32:00] forgive yourself but still have the regret. 

Cyra: The regret, yes. If I'd made a different decision in that moment, maybe David would not have taken his life that night. Maybe not. Maybe he wouldn't have. That doesn't mean there might not have been some other time.

And it did take. Quite some time for me to forgive myself on that one. If I'd had counseling a lot sooner, maybe that would've come sooner. I hope other people find a really good counselor that can walk with you through this for some time. In addition to using creative processes, multimodality approaches, ideal and necessary for picking up all the pieces and living in a flourishing, loving.

Way trying to compartmentalize the wounds catches up with you. It's just a matter of time. We can't keep these experience. I, I, yeah. I, I don't feel, I don't think these experiences stay contained for very long. They have their own life and they wanna come out. 

Jill: [00:33:00] Hmm. 

Cyra: Yeah. They want to 

Jill: come out. 

Cyra: Yeah. But we need support in meeting them.

We need and deserve that support. As we try to understand what they might be able to teach us. 

Jill: Yeah, I agree that counseling is something that a lot of people, there's still some feelings of, you know, that there's like a sign of weakness if we need to go to therapy for anything, but especially a traumatic death.

Good help processing that. I mean, that's what these folks are out there for, to help us process so that we don't have to hold it and carry it all ourselves. We have a family therapist that we see, not because there's really any problems. I'm just trying to prevent there from being problems. My son is 14.

We all got together. Me, my son, my husband, and the therapist. We talk through some of the 14-year-old things that are going on with him. Some of it gets intensified from reading stories and [00:34:00] talking to so many people that have had children die from overdoses or suicide. I don't want that to be me, so we're gonna see a family therapist to try to make sure that if nothing else, they just help us have conversations.

Yeah, they help guide the conversation so that we could talk about these things in a way that feels productive and not just me nagging my 14-year-old to do some of these things. So yes, I love therapy. I think it's something that we all probably could use at different points in our lives. The world's a little crazy, you know, getting some support will for sure help.

Cyra: Yes, and I think to learn how to communicate about our feelings, because I don't think our culture is good about teaching us that at all. Different personalities communicate in different ways. One of the things that therapists can do is help. A family or marriage situation, help people identify the [00:35:00] different communication patterns they have and what's really being said, help the communication process become clarified and teach ways of communicating that are more direct and understandable, and know where we stand and how to listen.

You know how to listen with the heart as well 

Jill: as with the mind. 

Cyra: A 

Jill: big part of communication is actually listening. Most of the time we listen with the intent of responding to what the person saying that's defensive when we're just responding, rather than actually having a conversation. It is a skill, and you're right.

We don't really teach it. We're just modeling behavior for the younger generation, and we're not typically doing it well. It is important to learn how to do that correctly. Yes. Awesome. And I know your book is coming out in September, right? Yes. September 2nd. 

Cyra: Yes. That's the official pub date. It is available for pre-order now.

Pretty much any bookstore you can go [00:36:00] online. I would encourage independent bookstores because they really need the support. You can order it through the publisher as well, which is, she writes Press distributed by Simon and Schuster. There's a link on my website. I don't do social media, but I do have a website, which is www dot cyrus suite, dimitri.com.

I think there are links on the website there that take you to how you could order the book. And on my website I talk about poetry's medicine. If I am a certified practitioner of poetic medicine, if anyone's curious about what that's about, I talk about it there, there's a link to some other, to the Institute for Poetic Medicine.

Again, if anyone's curious or you know, even wants to know more about using poetry as a healing tool or if you're a counselor and you'd kind of like to learn more about how you might bring that into your practice, it's, it's just kind of one more. One more therapeutic modality that could be available.

Jill: September. [00:37:00] This is when the episode's gonna come out. I scheduled it for September because September is also suicide awareness month, I believe. Yes. Something to do with suicide. 

Cyra: Yes. Suicide Prevention. Yes. Prevention. Okay. Prevention month. Yes. Thank you, Jill. A big part of why the book's coming out, then, it's very important to have collaborative conversations about the book with people such as yourself who are interested in positive conversations around death, healing conversations around the role of writing, supporting each other through difficult times.

This book has the intention to be a healing influence in the world. I really appreciate. This interaction with you and our conversation today, Jill may be of service. 

Jill: I'm sure your book will help people. If nothing else, just help people start the conversation. All of us, I think, have been touched by suicide in one way or another.

We probably all have a loved one that has either died by suicide or [00:38:00] attempted and. There's so much shame and stigma around talking about it, especially if it's your child or your spouse. People die by diseases all the time that we're not ashamed to say, if my loved one dies by cancer, we're not ashamed to talk about that, but for some reason, suicide is viewed differently.

It's like I didn't have enough willpower, when really it is so tied with. Depression, mental illness, and even in some cases, addiction. All of those are illnesses that we don't treat well in our society, so we need to have better conversations about it, more open, honest conversations. And I think your book is a great way to have people.

The first chapter where you talk about it, it was difficult to read the experience and what happened. But it also wasn't overwhelming. It wasn't like I felt like I couldn't handle reading it. And then it [00:39:00] led into the bigger story that you talk about throughout the book, and that's the important part, to share our stories and start conversations in people's homes and hopefully even in their communities.

Again, we need to have these conversations with children. It's not going to save anybody. By pretending that this isn't a reality. How old was your brother? He was only 19. 

Cyra: He was 19. 

Jill: That's still a child. My son's 14. That is not that much older than my son. Not having these conversations with him, it's not like I'm gonna plant the seed in his head by talking about it.

Mm-hmm. I wanna be able to have these conversations so that if there is some feelings, we can talk about it now before it gets to the point where. Well, he's desperate. 

Cyra: Absolutely that hotline number I mentioned, the 9, 8, 8, but the vast majority of people who call that number who are in some kind of suicidal [00:40:00] ideation beginning to really take this more seriously is something they might enact.

How successful that hotline is, having someone on the other end to really listen and interact, calms the situation down, changes that moment completely. So back to your point of the importance of these conversations around depression, suicide, ideation, all of that, we can intervene successfully again and again 

Jill: and having that person on the other end.

Not judge, and in some cases they're just there to listen. Whenever somebody comes to us with something they're struggling with, we wanna fix it. We wanna try to change it, rather than just listening and allowing them some space to have somebody to talk to that's not gonna judge them, not come back at them with like, well, you shouldn't feel that way.

You should be grateful for everything in your life. Maybe a lot of people. They're struggling with depression. There is a lot of, they should be [00:41:00] grateful for, but you don't think, they don't know that. You don't think, they're not already feeling shame and guilt for like, I have all these great things, so why do I feel so bad?

We don't need to be saying those things. Sometimes they just need somebody to talk to and somebody that'll listen and just be like, I hear you. Mm-hmm. And that makes a huge difference. But it also can be uncomfortable when we're not used to doing it. Well, it's a skill that often needs to be learned. Like everything else like me in writing, I'm gonna just keep practicing and I will see where I get with it.

'cause I do like a challenge, right? It's one of those things where since I was a child, I've always told myself I'm not a good writer. I've always been a little embarrassed about my writing. And so now I'm like. I'm gonna figure this out. It's probably not gonna be like yours, but I will find my own voice and I'll just keep practicing.

It's right. We need 

Cyra: your voice. My voice is already there. We need your voice. Absolutely. I absolutely believe that you will do that, Jill, that you are in the process [00:42:00] already of becoming a wonderful writer named Jill. Oh, well thank you. Yeah. And again, it's important for me when I'm writing to write for myself and not think about any audience.

There's myself in the page. I would invite you to really consider that when you're writing, do you feel like you have a little editor or critic on your shoulder? If so, kick them out the door. They are not invited. This is you and maybe you and your grandmother. I wonder what that would be like to invite her into that space with you as your listener.

If it helps, write to your grandmother. See if that doesn't feel wonderful, and allow you to relax into it differently. 

Jill: That's an interesting idea. The story I wrote for this book is about me taking care of my grandmother at the end of her life and the grief that I felt my story. Is very tied to her anyway.

And now maybe when I go back to edit my chapter, I'll [00:43:00] put myself in grandma's shoes. What would grandma have to say about what I wrote and how would she say it differently? 

Cyra: Yeah. 'cause she would be, I would think very, very loving and honored. Just this whole atmosphere of support and pride and 

Jill: honoring your purpose.

Thank you so much. I will put links in the show notes to the suicide prevention website you mentioned earlier. I'll put links into your website. So that people can easily find it. I really appreciate your time today. This is a beautiful conversation. I was very excited about it. 

Cyra: Oh, well. I feel the same way, Jill.

Thank you and I will continue to follow your work and your podcast. Oh, okay. Good care, Jill, thank you very much once again. Thank you. I appreciate it. 

Jill: In my next episode, I talk with AJ Coleman, author of Keep Those Feet Moving, who shares his story of love, loss, and resilience. At just 33 years old, AJ became a [00:44:00] widower when his wife died of brain cancer.

Leaving him to raise their 16 month old daughter alone. He opens up about navigating the early days of grief, the unexpected strength he found in fatherhood, and the ways he kept his wife's memory alive. Through photos, stories, and humor, AJ reflects on the challenges of being a single parent. The lessons grief taught him about resilience.

And how writing a book became a healing tool that turned his pain into purpose. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or family member who might find it interesting. Your support in spreading the podcast is greatly appreciated. Please consider subscribing on your favorite podcast platform and leaving a five star review.

Your positive feedback helps recommend the podcast to others. The podcast also offers a paid subscription feature that allows you to financially support the show. Your contribution will help keep the podcast advertisement free. Whether your donation is large or small, every amount is valuable. I sincerely appreciate.

All of you for listening to the show and supporting me in any way you [00:45:00] can. You can find a link in the show notes to subscribe to the paid monthly subscription, as well as a link to my Venmo if you prefer to make a one-time contribution. Thank you and I look forward to seeing you in next week's episode of Seeing Death.

Clearly.