A Death Doula’s Journey from Grief to Community Care with Meghan J. Maher

Meghan J. Maher, a death doula based in Central Florida, shares how the loss of her mother led her to this meaningful work. After experiencing grief firsthand, Megan began volunteering with a local hospice and discovered what end-of-life doulas do. The connection was instant she knew this path was right for her. Now, she helps families navigate the dying process with emotional, spiritual, and practical support.

Megan reflects on how our society often avoids talking about death. Most people have never witnessed someone dying, which leads to fear, denial, and uncertainty. She believes we need to return to being a village, offering support not only to those at the end of life but also to their caregivers, families, and communities. She talks about how nature’s cycles can help us feel more connected and grounded, even during hard times.

Megan emphasizes that doula work doesn’t have to become a business. It’s enough to gain skills and offer support informally within families, neighborhoods, and friend circles. The work matters even if it’s done quietly and without pay. She also explains the difference between hospice and doula care, noting that doulas often have the gift of time and can support families long before hospice becomes available.

As someone caring for young children while supporting aging parents, Megan understands the pressure on the “sandwich generation.” She urges people to ask for help and to offer help in creative ways like spending time with a caregiver’s kids or running errands. Small actions make a big impact. When we stop pretending we’re okay doing it all alone, we open the door to true connection, healing, and care at the end of life.

https://www.meghanjmaher.com/

https://www.instagram.com/meghanjmahereold/

Transcript

Meg: [00:00:00] They will have the skills and knowledge to offer support and bring comfort in a different way that people might not have because we don't experience death like how it used to be. 

Jill: Welcome back to Seeing Death. Clearly. I'm your host, Jill McClennen, a death doula and end of life coach. Here on my show, I have conversations with guests that explore the topics of death, dying, grief, and life itself.

My goal is to create a space where you can challenge the ideas you might already have about these subjects. I want to encourage you to open your mind and consider perspectives beyond what you may currently believe to be true in this episode. I talk with Meghan J. Maher, a death doula in central Florida whose journey began after the death of her mother.

Meg shares how her personal experience with grief led her to volunteer with hospice, where she discovered the vital role of end of life doulas. We explore how me [00:01:00] now offers emotional, spiritual, and practical support to families navigating death and how she sees this work as a return to community centered care.

We talk about society's fear of death. And how few people have witnessed the dying process. And how we can reconnect through nature cycles, community support, and by simply showing up for one another. The discussion also talks about the differences between hospice and doula care, and why doula work doesn't have to be a business to be valuable.

Thank you for joining us for this conversation. Welcome, Megan to the podcast. Thank you so much for coming on today. Why don't you tell us a little bit about who you are, you know, where you're from, if you wanna share that. Any kind of like background information that tells us who Megan is. 

Meg: Thank you so much for having me, Jill.

I've been a longtime listener of your podcast and it's really a treat to be here with you today. My name is Megan and I am from Central Florida. [00:02:00] I'm actually a native Floridian. I live in the Orlando area now, and it's been my home for about 15 years. My husband is also a native Floridian, so we are very rare.

We have two elementary age boys, and that's kind of what our life big picture looks like right now. I think most of us that get into the end of life doula work, it's because we've had a personal experience. I don't think any of us were thinking when we were in high school. When I grow up an end of life doula, we all come into it with personal experience and that was certainly my experience.

I was led to this work from the passing of my mom. My mom died eight years ago, and it was the experience of losing her and the grief that came with that. It put me in this whole new. [00:03:00] Trajectory. We did not have an end of life doula when she died. I had no idea what an end of life doula was. About four years ago, right after the peak of COVID, I started volunteering at a local hospice, and I still volunteer with them.

Through my experience there, I learned about end of life doulas. As soon as I learned about it, I knew this is for me, and now that's what I'm 

Jill: doing. Most of us got into it. From either positive or negative experiences. Um, the end of life and fun fact, my husband is also Native Floridian, born and raised in Gainesville, and then he went to college in New York and met a girl from Jersey and now here we are.

You're right, it's not often that people are born. Raised in Florida, most people moved there. I was just in Orlando last week visiting my best friend from college. She's from Virginia, but now lives there, and so I got to spend a week in the beautiful warm [00:04:00] sunshine and came back to New Jersey and it's cold and windy and not very nice out, but it's okay.

Meg: It was hot last week, 

Jill: like 90 degrees. I was like, it's April. Why is it 90 degrees 

Meg: Florida? Weather's weird today. It's like 70. 

Jill: I was happy in 90, 'cause again, I'm just coming out a winter. So I was down there and I was like, this is great. I love this. And all the little lizards. I love Florida, 

Meg: right? The lizards.

I just like. I love hearing about that because we kind of take them for granted because they're literally everywhere here. That reminds me of a memory from when I was growing up. My mom's whole side of the family is from the Ohio and Indiana area. When they would come visit us, my cousins, we were enamored with these lizards.

I'm like, you mean they just. Lizards. They don't have them up there. There's not lizards. So yeah, we don't have them in Jersey. 

Jill: I was squealing when I see them, was like a little kid. And it's funny 'cause my husband's [00:05:00] father's, family's from Indiana and they moved to Florida way back in the day. So transplants came to Florida and then he just happened to be born and raised there.

But yeah, it is a very different world. And I don't think I'd wanna live there year round. 'cause I do like the seasons in New Jersey. You know, I like the spring, I like summer, I like fall. Don't love winter, but it has its place. I do love visiting Florida. It's a nice place to visit. 

Meg: The lack of seasons is the one thing that I don't love about here.

I would love to be somewhere where there are true seasons to have that external experience of the seasons changing. We don't get that as much down here. 

Jill: For me, it's a great reminder with death work, right? This is just what happens. This is part of the cycle. I do get a little bit of the seasonal depression when it's really dark and cold and everything's dead outside.

I don't have the same energy. I don't have the same vitality. I just can't as easily [00:06:00] motivate myself to do really anything. I do it because you have to, but I can feel a difference and. I try to remind myself that these cycles are important and that the ending is what leads to the beautiful spring flowers that I have right now.

My daffodils are blooming and that wouldn't be, 'cause again, they can't grow in Florida where there's no seasons, 

Meg: tulips, daffodils, any of the bulb plants. None of them, because it doesn't get cold enough through the winter and they have to sit in the cold ground. But I love what you said about the seasons, and it is so.

Connected to our death work and just the work of being a human. I feel like we can live our lives in alignment with those seasons. You notice a difference. You feel a difference in the winter, your energy, what you wanna do, you notice a difference. I think because we're connected to those cycles too. Our society as a [00:07:00] whole.

Isn't. There's a lot of incongruence there. You think about Thanksgiving, Christmas, the new year, some of the busiest times of the year for so many of us are leading into winter, the quietest time in nature, so it can feel a little disconnected from what's actually happening in our natural environment. I think if we can lean into that a little more.

If we can help ourselves feel more aligned with ourselves, and then just knowing that snow thaws in places where it snows and spring comes even here in Florida, I notice there are specific things that happen in the spring. There's not the dramatic seasonal shift that you have or many other parts of the country have, but.

There's still things that happen every spring. The jasmine blooms every spring. That's my sign of. If I didn't know the spring was here. I know spring is here 'cause the [00:08:00] jasmine are blooming and the mocking birds are. Building their nests and they're very territorial and they squawk at you. You do not wanna accidentally get too close to a bush where the Mockingbird are making their nests.

They will dive bomb you. They're mean. I watch them chase off hawks and they're like scrappy, ruthless birds and it's very entertaining. It's cool to see the different things that are part of the cycle that you can always count on. 

Jill: The cycles are easy to see in some places outside of humans, and we really should turn within and look at our own cycles.

It's easy in some ways, as female bodied people, we have a physical sign of our cycle, right? Like every month, if you're still menstruating, you will have that physical sign. But there is other cycles that we will go through, you know, all throughout our life, and we don't do a great job [00:09:00] honoring those cycles.

It's no surprise then that when we get to the end of life, everybody freaks out because it's just part of the cycle. But also, if we're not used to honoring the cycle changes, then that's a huge one that all of a sudden we're all like, oh my gosh, but I don't want this. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not sure how to navigate it.

And there are death rules all around the country now, but we're really not being widely used. It's not something that people are searching out quite yet. Hopefully soon, 

Meg: you know, they will, but not yet. Even in the years since I first did my training, I can really see the growth in our industry, but by and far we're still very small.

Not a common practice. Thinking about in general. The things that we celebrate in our lives and honor and Mark Babies being born, that's a huge celebration. We plan for it and everything. Birthdays [00:10:00] getting married, but there's all kinds of different cycles that happen along the way. Different things that start and stop, and we don't really do anything for those.

So then we arrive at the end. If we are living in the United States or most of the Western world in a very death phobic society, we haven't talked about it throughout our lives, there's a good chance that maybe we've never even been with anybody who has died. We've never been at the bedside of anybody before because death and end of life has become a lot more.

Medicalized than it used to be. So we don't live our lives and grow up being a witness to the natural ending of life. So we arrive at our own end of life, and I'm just gonna pretend this isn't happening. I'm not gonna talk about it then maybe it won't happen. I'm gonna live forever. I'm gonna outlive [00:11:00] the cockroaches.

I wanna be on the Smucker's Jar on the Today Show. But I think, I wonder if. Underneath that denial. So many people have like, what's underneath all of that? The fear, maybe. Fear, maybe uncertainty. Maybe regret, I don't know. But I feel like the denial we often see in the inability to talk about it is really just a mask for a lot of other big feelings.

Jill: Yeah. That mask is. I think the biggest thing, because there's a variety of things that could be covering, but most of the time, you know, when I ask people what they are so afraid of, like, what's that resistance? It's not really death. It's not like they're afraid. Every once in a while somebody will say, is it gonna hurt when I die?

That kind of scares me. I'm not sure what it's gonna be like when I actually die, but I'd say 90% of the time it's not that. [00:12:00] It's that I didn't do the things I really wanted to do. I had this unfinished business. I'm still upset and holding onto begrudge. I'm afraid of the pain and suffering leading up to it, more so than the death itself.

Our fear of death really isn't actually of death. Usually it's something else. If we could get clearer on that, we could work with it. But if we're not clear on what it is we're actually afraid of, then we fight and project onto everybody around us. Rather than saying, Hey, maybe I could use a little help processing some of what's happening, and it's not necessarily people's fault and they just don't know better.

They don't know that there is help out there. They don't know that there's a different way to do it because we've all just witnessed whatever it is that happens now for all of us and our family members, and so we don't know there's other ways to do it. Not yet. That's why I have a podcast, right. Trying to change that.

Trying to get the word out. Like, come on y'all. We 

Meg: could do it different. It's gonna change. You can get the [00:13:00] word out. It's gonna be different. Yes. The clients that I've had, I've had a variety of clients with varying levels of acceptance of death or interest in talking about it or interest in working with me at all.

A, a lot of times those. We'll end up being the families who, it's the adult child or the spouse who reaches out to me for support. I'm always grateful when I am able to connect with the actual person who is dying and able to just spend some time with them, because from that, usually we're able to talk through.

What their fears are or what their anger is really about. And you're exactly right. It's usually not about just the actual dying I have had. A lot of conversations [00:14:00] about what actually happens when we die. Can you tell me the physical process? I've had a number of clients who find comfort in that, and I personally can relate to that.

I'm an information seeker. Knowledge is power. I really relate to that desire to know what happens because of the way our society is now. Most people have not been at the bedside. Of somebody who has died. So they haven't really seen what happened. So I have clients ask me, they wanna understand kind of what happens when I talk through that.

They're always very pleasantly surprised to know that the body just has a natural transition for the most part. It is not a painful, dramatic moment like what you see in the movies. They're always very. Comforted by that. Then usually we can move on to talking about their [00:15:00] life, their relationships, and how they feel about the things they did or didn't do.

If there's anything that they're holding onto. Sometimes just being able to say the things out loud and have. A witness to that have somebody who's holding space for that and listening without judgment or an agenda or anything like that is just so meaningful. And I think that's a big part. Probably the biggest part of the work that we do, you know, the listening and just holding space for people to have their experience.

Whatever that experience is. 

Jill: Yeah, and I have such a hard time when people say to me like, well, what do you do? Like, what do death doulas do? I'm like it. That is, I thought it would get easier over the [00:16:00] last five years to explain what I do, and honestly, sometimes I feel like it's even harder because I'm like, where do I even start with that?

Because yes, the listening and holding space for people is a huge part of the work. It's not the biggest part of my work, right? It's not the thing that takes up the most amount of my time either. So what is it that we do as death? Doulas? Have you found the good way to explain it to people of like when they say, well, what is a 

Meg: death doula?

I've heard of birth doulas before, but never a death doula. I am always thinking to myself that I feel like there's. A better way for me to explain what it is that I do. I always like to talk about how I am non-medical because people hear death or end of life and they think I'm the same thing as hospice.

We know we work together. We are not the same. And you know, one doesn't supersede the other. So I always like to talk about how I'm [00:17:00] non-medical and I offer. Emotional, practical support, spiritual support, but then getting into the specifics of like, well, what does that look like? It's hard to summarize that in a succinct way without sounding like, well, I can give you a list of, here's the things that I did with my client last week.

Jill: I'm in like the same place, and. I do find networking in person. So many of the people that I network with work for assisted living, so they work for hospice, or they're elder care lawyers, you know, like they work in this realm and they'll say, well, that's what hospice does. And I'm like, but it's not really what hospice does in alignment with hospice, but it's not really what hospice does.

And it is hard because. Then there's the comment of like, well, why would anybody hire you when they could get that same thing from hospice for free? And I'm like, well, that is a great [00:18:00] question. I like to say sometimes that I'm the Ritz-Carlton of end of life care, where I'm definitely not gonna be for everybody.

But for the people that can afford it, you are gonna get the highest level of care preparing for the end of life. 'cause then they'll say too, well, when should somebody call you? When they're actively dying? I'm like, no. Yes. 

Meg: The sooner the better. 

Jill: The sooner the better. I wanna get to know somebody, talk to them, find out what they like, what they don't like.

I wanna know what their fears are, what their anxieties are, so we can work through those now and not when they're potentially actively dying or getting to the point where they're in the hospital and they maybe didn't wanna be in the hospital, but now they're here and they're hooked up to machines and they didn't want that, but nobody knew.

We could all avoid that if we do this work earlier. Hospice does some of that, but they're not gonna work with you unless you have six months or less diagnosis and you've stopped all treatments. Where death doulas. I'm like, I don't care how old you are, you might be 45 years old like me. Healthy, as far as I know, right?

Healthy. [00:19:00] Like talk about it now. Think about it now. Land for it now. 'cause we literally never know. So it's a struggle. 

Meg: That is always when I'm asked the question, well when is it too early? Was it ever too early? When should somebody contact you? I'm like, no. The earlier the better because there's all different ways that we support people from the very end, the act of dying.

All the way back to if you're over 18, then you really need to have advanced directives. 'cause anything could happen at any time. And that's something that we can help with. We can, you know, support and talk through and like facilitate that process of what does that, what does that look like and exactly.

Hospice might do some of these things to an extent, but they have a very. Specific criteria for when you [00:20:00] can get on hospice? Six months or less, no more treatment. Hospice is reimbursed by Medicare, which means they fall under Medicare's regulations. That patient load that our hospice nurses have is just higher than what is ideal, so they're just trying to see all their patients.

They're definitely not spending the amount of time. With patients and families as we can. I feel like that's one of the biggest gifts that we can offer to the clients and families is we have the gift of time that we can give. We are not needing to adhere to Medicare regulations or anything. So I think that's.

And I love what you said, that you are the Ritz Carlton of End of Life Care. I think I might start using that because it's so true. We aren't going to [00:21:00] necessarily be for everybody or meet everybody's needs, but for those that we do, they're going to get a very personalized, connected experience. I always tell clients.

When I support you, I'm not just supporting you, the individual who's dying. I support your whole family because a spouse, adult, children, immediate family, they're all just as affected and involved as the individual who is dying. And a lot of times they are the ones who are kind of initiating, bringing me on board, the adult children or the spouse.

Jill: They do often need a lot of help. And one side note with the Ritz Carlton thing, donate a ton of time, which I know you do too, right? If you're volunteering for hospice. But don't look at it like you're hearing us say this and think like, oh, they're so bougie. They only work with rich people. Legitimately, most of my work is unpaid.[00:22:00] 

I volunteer a ton of time at hospitals. I do things in my community. I'm getting paid very little for the amount of work that I do, but if you can afford to pay me and you wanna bring me on, you will get the highest level of care. But I also don't ever turn. People away that need help. And I do try to do a sliding scale that, you know, if you can't afford my hourly rate, which it's $75 an hour, it's not that much, you know?

And I try to do packages that you get a lot for less price, but it is really hard to 

Meg: do this as a business. And yes, that is such a great. Point that I think we both know, and I think probably any other end of life doula. No. It's not like we're sitting back with all of our rich clients and that's our business just like you.

I also think that the majority of my end of life doula work is volunteer work. I volunteer at hospice. I serve [00:23:00] on the board of directors for the Florida End of Life Doula Alliance, and we're an all volunteer. Bored. So I give a lot back, and I volunteer a lot because I do have paid clients also, so it balances it out, and I would never turn anybody away for finances.

It'd be wonderful if finances didn't matter at all, but that's not the reality of our world. Unfortunately, we can't totally work for free. We can't go to the grocery store and get our groceries for the week at no cost. There's a cost exchange for services. It feels good to be able to volunteer as much as I do and give back as much as I do when I have the paying clients that I do have.

I. Give them the highest level of care. I'm very mindful of how many [00:24:00] clients I work with at one time because I want to be able to really devote myself to them and also my own family. I never would want to spread myself too thin and feel like I'm just doing everything halfway. So yeah, it's a tricky business to make up.

A full-time income off of, or I think it have to be creative about it, or I think maybe if, if I were to look at it as my regular job before, I used to work in oncology clinical research in a large healthcare system here in Orlando. So I call that the regular job where you go and you. Work for other people.

You know, a nine to fiver, if I went to this, starting my own business thinking that this is gonna be just like that, except now I'm doing end of life doula work, I think that would be a very [00:25:00] unrealistic expectation and I would be setting myself up for a lot of disappointment. It's not gonna be exactly the same as far as.

Steadiness of income or clients and probably other creatives and solopreneurs and small business owners experience the same thing. There's a bit of uncertainty with it. Mm-hmm. 

Jill: It is hard to own a business in general. And it's a great point that this is not nine to five Monday to Friday work anyway, right?

Like you, you can't, and that's where like birth rule is. Death rule is like similar concept. You can't plan for this. You can't say, okay, well you could only die on, you know, Monday to Friday, nine to five. Like it doesn't work that way. And when people need the support, and that's also why you can't take too many clients at once either.

Because if you are somebody that is going to actively like be involved [00:26:00] in the, you know, final days, the final weeks, the final hours. You don't know when it's gonna be, and so you're not gonna be able to do that with multiple people at the same time. And that's not been a problem for me yet anyway. It's not like I've had multiple people need help at the same time, but it's definitely something I think about when I'm trying to plan out a business and charge for it.

I get contacted by so many people that'll say like, I wanna be a death doula. My first question as always, do you wanna make it into a business or do you just wanna do it for your friends and family? Because we need. People in our communities willing to take training to get these skills to death. Doula, our friends, our families, support our friends and our community that say like, Hey, my mom is going through this experience.

I am overwhelmed. I don't know what to do. You don't have to be there, you know, access to you 24 hours a day during that time, but you'll be much better at supporting the people around you with these skills. And so we [00:27:00] do need that. But also if you wanna make it a business, that's a whole different thing, right?

Yes. Something to think about. 

Meg: I think maybe I'm incorrect, but it, I've noticed that some of the end of life doulas who have gone through. Training. It almost seems to be like there's this undercurrent of expectation of you've done the training, now you gotta go make a business. And that might not be the right thing for everybody to do.

And not making a career or not making a business out of these skills and these training doesn't mean anything. It's just. Doing whatever is right for that person and our communities and our country and our families. We all need individuals who are skilled in this work, and I think the way to [00:28:00] do that is for people to get trained and to have that experience through training so they can support their families.

Maybe their extended families, maybe their friends, their neighbors or something in a more informal way, but they will have the skills and knowledge to offer support and bring comfort in a different way that people might not have. Because as I keep coming back to, we don't experience death like how it used to be.

I feel like I'm like, you know. When I was a kid and I walked to school uphill, I was your age. Not when I was a kid. You know, I'm five and certainly our generation growing up, death was long gone outside of the home. I don't know for certain, but I'm almost 99% sure my mom died. Having never [00:29:00] been at the bedside of anybody else, she'd never been with anybody who had died before.

And I think that's. More common probably than it has ever been. So that brings a lot of fear and uncertainty and just not knowing what to do for the person who is dying and for their family members, especially if it's a situation where it's a progressive illness, statistically it probably will be.

That's how most of us are dying. They also have some anticipatory grief. Likely going on, and maybe they've also been caregiving for their loved one, which is really hard to do. They've been trying to do it all themselves and really have no idea about what to expect with the actual death and dying 'cause they've never experienced it before.

The more of us that can lean into this work, gain these [00:30:00] skills and this knowledge and bring it. To our communities, the 

Jill: better. I agree. And I know when I look back at taking care of my grandmother at the end of her life, 'cause that's what got me into this, there's so many things that I'm like, oh, if I would've only known then what I know now, and I'm sure it's the same for you with your mom looking back, it's like, oh man, 

Meg: yes.

So much so. But I hope you feel the same way I do. I just look at that time in my life. Compassionately knowing that I was doing my best with everything that I knew at the time and who I was as a person, then I'm a different person now in so many ways. I didn't even know what a DEF was then. I had no idea to look back on that time with the knowledge and experience that I have now, it's like, oh, you know, there's so many things that make sense or that I'm like, oh.

[00:31:00] Maybe this could have been different. Not regret or anything like that, but just there's truth in the hindsight is 2020 cliche. Mm-hmm. There's truth in that. 

Jill: Yeah. Because I don't have regrets either, but it would've been a better experience for all of us involved had I known then what I know now. I just was confused and overwhelmed and exhausted and all of these other things that, yes, there still will always be bad when somebody that you love is dying, that you're still gonna be exhausted if you're caregiving somebody.

One of the things that I like to do with people. That I actually did for a friend that was unpaid word was get together a group of people to help take care of 'em so that it was spread out amongst six of us. At one point, I was reaching out to more people 'cause I was like, we need more help. This is not something that is easily doable by one person.

Often the job [00:32:00] falls on one. Person. Sometimes it's the spouse that is also probably 80 years old and unwell and like they can't 

Meg: do it. That is so common and you're so right. That is so common. Yes, it is. Typically, the majority of the caregiving is falling to one person. Even after somebody gets on hospice, they have the awakening of, oh, I'm on hospice, but.

You mean I'm not gonna have round the clock care? That is a common thing. People who have not yet experienced hospice think that hospice means we're gonna have round the clock care. That is generally not the case. There's specific circumstances where hospice can help round the clock, but in general, that is not the case.

So then you have the one person doing the majority of the caregiving and. A [00:33:00] lot of times it is the spouse who is also 80 years old, 75 years old, and has his or her own health conditions going on, and that shouldn't be shouldered by just one person, whether it's a spouse who's 80 or the adult child. It's something that should be shared among.

Family members and friends. I love that that's something that you make a point of doing, like when it's needed, you know, bring in, bring in the community. Mm-hmm. It takes the village, you know, that phrase is so common. It's used so often talking about children and raising children. I think, I think it's very true for the end of life too, or even.

Even, maybe not even the end of life, but in our older years, as we start to get older, it takes a [00:34:00] village to care for one another and we've lost a lot of 

Jill: that village. It seems 

Meg: village is 

Jill: gone. Yeah, I know because even with having children, it sounds like you're probably like me, you had children a little bit later because they're younger still.

Right? So we're like middle age younger kids, older parents. We gotta take care of everybody. And there really is not that village anymore like it used to be. And I mean, I'm sure there was positive and negative things too with having everybody up in your business all the time. Generations ago, women were not at home with infants by themselves or you know, two children that you know are very demanding when they're really little and were so isolated.

I was so isolated. I sat in the house by myself all day thinking I was gonna lose my mind because I was so overwhelmed and so exhausted. And the best I could get was texts from girlfriends that were like, yeah, this sucks. I hate it. I just drink myself to sleep every night. I'm like, oh, lovely. [00:35:00] That's helpful.

Meg: Here we are. Like it has become, we have become the village. We are the village of one. And yes, I think we have very similar life circumstances right now. We could be the poster children for the sandwich generation. We are raising our own kids who are still very much. Kid age, living at home, we have our own parents who are aging and we are trying to care for everybody and nobody's in our village.

Jill: Part of why I like to have these conversations is to just try, I. Help change the culture even just a little bit, right? Hopefully somebody is listening to this and thinking, oh, my cousin's mom just got diagnosed with cancer. Maybe I could just reach out and see if they need somebody. You know, the caring, when they think of this idea of being a caregiver, they're like, I don't wanna go in and feed somebody or give a medication.

You don't have to do that. You could just come over and take out the [00:36:00] trash. You can load and unload the dishwasher. You can wash clothes and fold them. You don't have to do anything that has to do with the actual care of a person, but their duties that we still have to do when we're caregiving, and that's like the last thing on the list.

That pile of clothes has been sitting there for a week, but I'm exhausted and I can't do it. So there are jobs that we can do to help. The people around us that don't necessarily involve the intimate duties of caregiving for somebody. 

Meg: Yes. I think that's such an important point, because when you think of caregiving, you think of like, oh, I'm gonna help them shower, I'm gonna be feeding them, or these very intimate acts, but there's so much that goes into caregiving that's beyond that, and it's all still just.

Important and just as helpful if you know somebody our age or there's an [00:37:00] adult child who has children of their own and that adult child is also trying to take care of their aging parent, a friend could spend time with that adult child's children for a little while. Even things that seem. Indirect or not really connected, I think would, is a way to help.

And that's, you know, all part of that, A village. It's all like interconnected and there's ways that, that we can help each other out. 

Jill: Mm-hmm. 

Meg: It's true. '

Jill: cause we do, we need it. We need to work together on all of this because we're not alone. It is hard to ask for help. Many of us want to help. We just don't really know what to do.

So we get stuck in this spiral of everybody being like, well, I'm just gonna sit here in my house then, and like stick to myself. 

Meg: I don't know what to do. I wanna help. I don't know [00:38:00] how. I don't know what to do to help. On the flip side, I am so overwhelmed and exhausted and I don't even know what to tell people.

To do if they wanted to help the helpers and the help ease both just sit in their own spiraling circle talking about it like this, having these conversations shines a light on what things we can do differently. And this isn't like, aren't like massive overhaul things, but just, you know, small perspective shifts.

Little things that we could do differently. That makes a huge difference. Makes like big impact. 

Jill: Yeah. And death rule is we can help you. Right? Whether you're the person that's sick, whether you're the caregiver, whether again, you're a friend or family member that knows somebody going through caregiving and you wanna know how to help, we can help with all of this, our specialty.

Is really the end of life and all of the things that you're going to come up against at the end of [00:39:00] life. You don't have to be dying to use services. And that gets us to a great point too, 'cause we're just about at the end of our time. So why don't you tell us a little bit about your business, where people can find you, anything that you wanna share about that?

Thank you so much. 

Meg: I love what you said, that our work is the whole holistic end of life. I like to think of myself almost as a project manager because there's so many parts and pieces that all matter and all comes together, and so we help with it all. I help with it all from advanced directives, legacy Life Review.

I help with all of it, healthcare, advocacy, understanding and navigating the healthcare system, which is a whole challenge. You can find me on my website, Megan j Mar, and I'm also on [00:40:00] Instagram at Megan j Mar, end of Life doula, and I'm also on LinkedIn and Facebook. So I am everywhere on the worldwide web and I.

Work in person in Central Florida and I work virtually 

Jill: worldwide. Well, I'll put the links in the show notes so people can easily find your website, your LinkedIn, your Facebook, all that good stuff. Thank you so much, Megan. This was a pleasure to chat with you today. 

Meg: Thank you so much, Jill. I loved our time together.

Jill: Next week there will not be a new episode. This is a great chance to go back and find one you missed or re-listen to your favorite episode from the last few seasons. In my next episode, I have a guest I've really been looking forward to interviewing. Ed Bixby shares his journey from real estate developer to a national leader in the natural burial movement.

After taking over historic Steelman Town Cemetery in New Jersey, ed began to reimagine how we approached death. [00:41:00] Grief and legacy. He talks about the power of natural burial to support healing for families and the earth, and how it reconnects us to the cycles of nature. Ed explains the differences between traditional, hybrid and fully natural burial spaces.

And why? Simplicity, transparency, and sustainability matter and end of life planning. Ed offers a vision for how we can make meaningful choices at the end of life that reflect our values, care for the planet, and leave behind something beautiful for future generations. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or family member who might find it interesting.

Your support in spreading the podcast is greatly appreciated. Please consider subscribing on your favorite podcast platform and leaving a five star review. Your positive feedback helps recommend the podcast to others. The podcast also offers a paid subscription feature that allows you to financially support the show.

Your contribution will help keep the podcast advertisement free, whether your donation is large or small, every amount. Is valuable. I [00:42:00] sincerely appreciate all of you for listening to the show and supporting me in any way you can. You can find a link in the show notes to subscribe to the paid monthly subscription as well as a link to my Venmo if you prefer to make a one-time contribution.

Thank you and I look forward to seeing you in next week's episode of Seeing Death. Clearly.