Finding Light in the Shadows with Rosalia Quintana

Rosalia Quintana, a nurse practitioner, has built a career in healthcare while also running a private practice focused on breathwork, psychedelic integration, and trauma transformation. In this conversation, she opens up about her struggles, including reaching the peak of her career in 2018, only to feel an overwhelming sense of emptiness and depression. Despite having everything she thought she wanted, she found herself questioning the purpose of life. She candidly discusses experiencing suicidal thoughts and the difficulty of seeing any light at the end of the tunnel. Knowing she had to find a way forward, she began searching for deeper meaning through various healing modalities, including breathwork, somatic practices, energy work, and even exploring different spiritual traditions.

The turning point came in 2022 when she had a near-death experience that completely shifted her perspective. She describes the terrifying moment of being outside her body, unable to connect with it, and the fear that overtook her. In this altered state, she was confronted with deep-seated fears, guilt, and shame, which manifested as dark, monstrous visions. She fought through these overwhelming experiences, ultimately realizing that the harshest judgment came from within herself. In her most desperate moment, she turned to prayer, calling out to God for help. What happened next changed everything.

Now, she approaches life with deep gratitude, even in the face of continued challenges. She shares the tools that help her navigate difficulties, from journaling and meditation to creative expression and movement. Her story serves as a powerful reminder that healing is an ongoing journey, and the tools we gather can help us face whatever comes next.

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Transcript

Rosalia: [00:00:00] If I'm going through a tough process, it's a form of death to me. Almost everything is literally a death and a rebirth. So I'm not so much attached. So it's not that I lose love or grief or any emotion attached to the experience, but I'm like, I know I am more than my body now. 

Jill: Welcome back to Seeing Death.

Clearly, I'm your host. Jill McClennen, a death doula and end of life coach. Here on my show, I have conversations with guests that explore the topics of death, dying, grief, and life itself. My goal is to create a space where you can challenge the ideas you might already have about these subjects. I want to encourage you to open your mind and consider perspectives beyond what you may currently believe to be true.

In this episode, I sit down with Rosalia Quintana, a nurse practitioner and trauma guide. Rosalia shares how reaching the pinnacle of her healthcare career in 2018 left her feeling empty and depressed despite outward success. [00:01:00] She opens up about her struggle with suicidal thoughts and her search for deeper meaning through breath work, somatic practices, and spiritual exploration.

A life-changing near-death experience in 2022 forced her to confront her deepest fears and ultimately led to a profound spiritual awakening. Rosalia describes how this moment of divine connection shifted her entire perspective on life. Her story is an honest and inspiring reminder. That even in our darkest moments, transformation is possible.

Thank you for joining us for this conversation. Welcome Rosalia to the podcast. Thank you for taking time out of your Sunday morning to talk to me, and I'm really excited to talk to you this morning. So why don't you start us off though with a little bit about you, where you're from, anything like that that you wanna share with the audience?

Rosalia: Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. It's a pleasure to be here today. So I'm originally born and raised in Cuba. I've lived in Miami, uh, [00:02:00] since the year 2000. I'm a nurse practitioner and I still do that as my full-time job. And I also have a private practice where I do. Breath work, psychedelic integration.

We go into trauma transformation. Basically the all can be process of transforming our everyday life experiences difficulties into something powerful that we can use it to become our better and best version of ourselves, pretty much. And a lot of the stuff I share has come from my own personal journey of going through these death and rebirth processes in 2018 in particular.

May I go into that? Of course. Wherever you wanna go. Yeah. In 2018, I had reached the peak of my career as a nurse practitioner. I was in a penthouse. It was this great life. All the stuff I wanted or I thought I wanted and I had achieved, and I had such a big emptiness inside of me. I went into such a deep depression, even to the point where I had suicidal thoughts.

I had a lot of blessings in my [00:03:00] life. I just, when you're in in that state, you really can't see. A lot of the positives in your life. It's almost like you only shift into the negative and you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, unfortunately. And. It got to the point that it couldn't find the purpose of waking up in the morning.

This can't be all there is to life. I refuse to accept this. And then the journey started for me, the search for what else is out there, right? I started looking everywhere, turning every stone, giving up for me. I mean, I have two kids, a family. I was like, let's not really I an option. I wanna really plan and go through with, so lemme see what else is out there.

I started diving into everything I could find. Breath work, somatics, energy work, anything. I've been through so many different types of religions and learned from so many of them, which, which I am very grateful. And just trying to find something like a little life saver boat that would drift me away until that one wave would come and I could breathe for a little [00:04:00] bit and not sink into this human experience.

And that everything surfed me. 'cause everything helped me for a little while. I. You know, I, I've done planned medicine as well. I explored with that. I'm grateful for that as well. But even though I had done all of these outside search per se, I still couldn't fill that void, which I didn't even know what it was.

Mm-hmm. So weird to explain, but if you've been through it and you've experienced it, you kind of kinda relate to that. And then it wasn't until 2022 where I had a near death experience and that. Drastically changed my life the way I see this experience. I am grateful to be alive today. Everything shifted for me.

I finally was grateful. Not just by practicing affirmations and trying to be, I really wasn't forcing myself just by using affirmations. I really couldn't get to that grateful of being alive, really, of [00:05:00] really waking up in the morning. I'm like, oh, another day, here we go. So that really shifted for me the way I wake up.

And I'm grateful in the morning, even difficulties. 'cause just because of that, I'm not exempt from anything. I still feel anger, fear, shame, all of it. I still have many, actually, I've had so many more difficulties after that, which is sometimes you think you have something like that in your life is just gonna get better or fixed and everything's gonna be fine.

And I think it has crumbled down even way more than I originally anticipated. But I, I can swim, which is weird. I'm okay. I have some great tools, which I learned previously. Which is nice. Let me do a little bit of somatic work, nervous system regulation, a little bit of breath work. Let me meditate a little.

Let me journal a little. Let me write a couple poems. Let me go paint. Let me just go for a walk in nature. Before, I just couldn't find the joy in it or significance in it. It was like, ugh, seriously, I'm not, you know, I got [00:06:00] bills to pay. I'm not gonna go paint. What do you mean? Things have definitely shifted for me, and I'm definitely just looking at this as another experience.

I. In my soul journey and trying to navigate it best way I can. Some days I'm better at it. Some days I'm worse at it. Some days I drown. Some days I put up my head, grab a little, you know, I breathe a little and then I go on. Yeah, just trying to look at that silver lining in the experience, you know, what am I learning here?

What is it here to teach me? Just trying to employ all of the stuff I've learned so far into helping me with whatever the day presents itself. Which is a mystery on its own. 

Jill: I love it. I knew I was gonna love this conversation because so much of what you're saying, even around the time periods of 2017 and 2018.

I definitely was going through this period of shame and guilt and just feeling like what is the purpose? Why am I even going through the motions? What is happening? And having to go [00:07:00] really deep into like the dark night of the soul of being like, this is just stupid. I don't even want to do this anymore, but what do I do with that?

Because I also have a family and kids, and I loved them and I was grateful for them. For me, it wasn't an actual near-death experience, but it was becoming a death doula and getting okay with death and dying, talking to so many people that have had near death experiences or have just lost a loved one, have had children that just didn't wake up in the morning, that had spouses that didn't come home right.

That things that rip my soul apart. I live my life so much better now. I'm so much more grateful. I'm so much more present and I have to still use some of my tools of movement, meditation and journaling, little play of medicine once in a while. Like all those things to kind of still get me through the fact that the world's burning down around the stats difficult to deal with, but also still being in this place of.

I'm here in this moment and my [00:08:00] family's here and they're healthy, and I'm so grateful for that and I'm so present in that moment and it's a weird place to be with both of those being a reality. And I try to talk to people about this fact of that getting okay with death and dying will actually help you live your life better.

And some people like you have had near death experiences where it was like, no, literally like I. Almost died. And so it changed me and other people I think can get there through some different practices. Like I do a deathbed meditation I call it, where it's kind of like a shamanic journey. 'cause I did take a training in shamanic healing techniques and I take you to your death and you review your life and look at all the things that you have to let go of.

It helps you get really clear on what's important so that when you rebirth from that. You just have this clarity that a lot of people don't necessarily have because we're so caught up in [00:09:00] the day to day. I would like to hear a little bit more, and if you wanna share, you of course, don't have to. I know sometimes people are like my near death experience because of the things that I saw or felt is what changed me.

Or was it more just the fact of like, I almost didn't have the life that I have and that's what changed me. What part of that do you think was the catalyst for the change? 

Rosalia: Oh man, this is such a multifaceted. I don't even know what's gonna come out as an answer, but I'll try to peel the onion a little bit and see how that unfolds.

Everything was a shock to me when I originally almost died. Being seen myself outside my body, I got very fearful and freaked out 'cause I couldn't touch my body. So I was like. Oh God, there's something extremely wrong here. Where's my body? I completely freaked out and I had a thought at a certain moment that's really difficult to point to time and space here because it felt like there.

It's very [00:10:00] difficult. It's like there's not, so it's kind of hard, but there was a point where I question, oh my God, did I die? And I was pulled into this, I call it a black void. It's almost like a vacuum that I couldn't. Run from, I couldn't fight it. There's nothing I could do. And it pulled me into that.

And I started to see, to me it was kind of like all of my fears came up, all of the guilt, all of the shame. But it took the form of, I would say like monsters or darkness or a lot of like, 

Jill: mm-hmm. 

Rosalia: And it almost felt like I had to face that monster and fight it to the death. And I fought so many. A lot of it was, a lot of the stuff I felt guilt around.

A lot of the stuff I thought I could have done better, and there was a point where I thought, oh my God, I thought I was a good person. I was gonna go to heaven or something. But imagine how ingrained you know, that maybe that we're not good enough or we're not worthy enough, like all those wounds that as a human [00:11:00] collective we all have, right?

That were sinners, that we're this, that we're that. I mean, we're all trying the best we can with the consciousness that we have. And I think one of our worst judges is ourselves. At least that's what I experienced. I was very hard on myself, very hard. And there's a point where I just couldn't fight anymore.

I was, even though I didn't have a body, I was exhausted. Like, what is this? Why can't I get out of here? And I remember, I'm like, well, the only thing left is start praying to God to save me, to help me to come get me to something. And I started praying, screaming. I just needed. God to come forward and help me get out of there.

And at some point, I don't know how long I was praying for, I was taken inside a sphere, kind of like, almost like inside the, I don't know if it's inside the earth, if it's inside somewhere else. I don't know. It was similar to a sphere and I was in there a form of God. The way I look at God [00:12:00] has changed from that experience form of God came forward and I thought, looking back at it.

I should have talked to God nicer. God just saved me from that hellish loop I was in. But I didn't, I started cursing at God and blaming God for everything. And I started telling God, you know, if you're a good God, and if you, you know, like how are you gonna allow poverty, hunger, cancer, the kids ev, I mean, you've created a terrible world.

I was very angry. I never knew I had that anger inside of me until that moment. And, and God never even responded to me, nothing. At some point put his hand on my shoulder, and that was it for me. 

Jill: Hmm. 

Rosalia: All of a sudden, I felt the biggest bliss I've ever felt. The biggest love. I felt like everything was okay at that one moment.

I don't know where my questions went. It was almost like everything was [00:13:00] answered at that one moment. It is just unexplainable with words. I just felt so engulfed in love and a love I've never experienced in this human form, and then started to show me almost like a hologram version. I've tried to speak about it with my teachers, psychologists, psychiatrists, sham and medicine women understand what happened and more of the integration aspect of things, right?

Because I'm still integrating that. I started to see different, I don't know if they're different lives or. Something like that. It felt like different lives I had experienced. 'cause it felt experiential and it was like, okay, I've been male, female from every continent, from every religion. And I could just felt like the, the lesson of that lifetime.

I'm like, oh my God, I've done so many bad things, you know? And it from my ego side, I was like, I would've pointed a finger. Oh no, I would've never done that. Not me. [00:14:00] Yet I had done it and I felt such a compassion for myself and for other people and their journey, like just learning. It's like I couldn't blame anyone or judge anyone.

It was extremely humbling. Like I. Oh crap. I've done so many bad things. Can't believe I've hurt so many people. It almost felt like that oneness, like there was no separation between races or colors or forms, like we're all just one. I would say it's kind of hard to describe that, and that changed me a lot, that one experience, that one moment.

Seeing that I had done all of that stuff in my life review showed me from before Incarnating. I could have chosen my parents my place of birth and trust me with, listen, all the stuff I've gone through and still going through. I'm like, wait, what? I [00:15:00] chose that. You gotta be cute. I wanna revise that contract.

I'm like, no, I opt out for this part of this. But yeah, that was extremely humbling. So looking at all of these experiences and all these things I had done was very shocking to me. And looking at my life review, I was actually seeing that. I picked, my parents, picked the place of birth. I saw on my father's side, not on my mother's side.

I saw sitting in a circle and picking what it seemed like, different lessons we were gonna teach each other. But exactly as they've been, not wanting to change them, like purposely, it happened that way, and my relationship with my dad at that time was not great. So I feel like that's what my soul needed to see at that moment to maybe make that relationship better and move forward from a different place if I had not.

Experienced that I would've never seen my dad and like, oh, you're a teacher for me, or You're teaching me certain things. I would've [00:16:00] completely blamed them for so many things as I was before. So I cannot pinpoint just one thing that completely shifted me. I also feel there's a lot I couldn't bring back.

I couldn't bring back a lot of the answers. I feel like a lot more happened that I don't remember, but something in me just shifted. It was like a different pair of lenses. I remember that morning when I woke up, I remember looking at the sun, and I've never seen the sun that way. It. It was like the leaves, the grass, the ground, and everything around me was literally a miracle.

Like, oh my God, being alive is literally a miracle. I can't believe I got another chance. I don't remember being given a choice, like, oh, do you wanna stay? Do you wanna go back? I felt like I was just. Put back into my body and came back. I don't remember if I had that choice, but I remember being extremely grateful.

Like, oh my God. One of my biggest [00:17:00] fears was my family, my kids. I felt like I had stuff that was undone, like it's too early for me to leave. That kind of feeling like, and then looking at how I had hurt so many other people and the way I was acting. It was so selfish and so egocentric, so full of myself.

I'm like, man, if I get another chance, I feel like I could do it better. Like I wanna do it better. And I did. And I wanna think I'm doing it better. I still mess up a lot of the time, most of the time. 'cause a lot of the times I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like a lot of us, I hope I'm not the only one that really doesn't know much of what we're doing.

I feel like we try our best. I feel like we need each other despite how you see God, how you see reality. 'cause your perception and your projections are gonna be completely different than mine. But you can support me through a beautiful death and dying process and [00:18:00] meditation, and I may need that, not for literally grief or losing a person, but if I'm going through a tough process and I reach out to you for support, a lot of things, like you mentioned, not just losing a loved one, but divorce, losing your job or a crisis.

It's a form of death to me now. I wanna say almost everything is literally a death and a rebirth. And that's how I look at it. It's like, here we go. I'm gonna die again. Here comes another one. So kind of that way. So I'm not so much attached, so it's not that I lose love or grief or any emotion attached to the experience, but I'm like, I know I am more than my body now.

Where before you would've taught, tell me the concept of soul. And I'm like, what is that? Whatcha talking about? Like, I'm human. What do you mean? And I come from a science background. I'm a nurse practitioner in healthcare for over 10 years. So I'm like, what are you talking about? [00:19:00] Like this near death.

Unless it was a clinical near death in the hospital and they literally, you know, it was recorded as that. I would've never believed that. But these experiences, now that I reached out to people, I received so many emails, and this has happened to so many people for, mm-hmm. Forever. It's like if we're all exposed to a little corner of the veil, however that is, through meditation, through planned medicine, through death, through divorce, through losing a loved one, through being bedside when somebody's passing away.

There's been tons of experiences about that, and you get these glimpses, I call glimpses of miracles because to me, that's what they are. I don't like to really label something as, 'cause I don't know. I don't even know. Honestly, at the core level, I could sit here and be like, oh, I'm the authority of X, Y, Z, and I know about the mysteries of the, I don't know shit, basically, at least from what I was shown.

I mean, I don't know anything. I can barely figure out this experience. But if we can all share a little glimpse of our own lifting of the veil, even if it's different, even if [00:20:00] you may not believe it, that's okay. There will be something in here that will help someone when they listen to it, whatever it may be.

Maybe it's a word, a sentence, something. Maybe it's their relationship with their dad. I don't know. I'm not here to make people believe anything, whether it's in reincarnation, in God, or in near death or in anything. I'm here to share my truth, my journey, whatever happened to me, and if that can help one soul before I depart, beautiful, I'll continue to do that.

So take what serves you and move on if it's, this is not for you pretty much, but that's a little bit of. What happened and how it changed me. I couldn't really pinpoint to the one thing, but 

Jill: mm-hmm. 

Rosalia: All of it did. 

Jill: Oh my gosh, it's so beautiful and it definitely got me a little emotional when you were like, God put his hand on your shoulder and you felt that love.

Like something about that it just like opened something up in me and I don't know if it's because I [00:21:00] just so deeply want to believe that there is. A God, right? But I have a hard time using the word God because I feel like people picture it as this old man in the clouds. You know? There's something. That just feels like love to us and runs through all of us.

And if we could all tap into that a little bit, we'd be able to breathe a little bit easier and not take all of this stuff so seriously and not hate so much. There's so much hate and anger in the world right now, and I don't know what to do with that. Have you ever heard of a practice called Anglin?

It's a Buddhist meditation practice. 

Rosalia: So what is it called again? 

Jill: Tolin, it's T-O-N-G-L-E-N, and the practice itself is almost counterintuitive sometimes where you're practicing breathing in in the meditation, right? You're sitting in meditation and you're breathing in the hate and the anger and the [00:22:00] negative.

Some teachers will describe it as visualizing a dark, sticky, heavy, like you're breathing that all in. But then you are breathing out love and joy and happiness to kind of like push that out into the world. And when you practice tolin. Sometimes they'll recommend starting with picturing somebody you love, just taking their pain, their pain, their anger, their hatred, all that stuff, right?

Taking that first and then you expand it to somebody that you know, but you don't like that much. Like, all right, let's work on them a little bit. Like, can I take their pain even though I don't really like 'em? Right? So you practice doing that and then you can actually like expand it out to your community, to the world, and that's what I try to do now, is practice it for the whole world.

Imagine myself as a filter of breathing in all the ick and breathing out the love, right? And the way that you described, like God putting his hand on your shoulder and that feeling, I'm like, that's it. That's what I [00:23:00] want to give to the world. Let me be the vehicle. You know, shaman's call it like the hollow bone.

Let me be the hollow bone that can take that energy, that God, that love, and put it out into the world because we need more of it. I want to do that. Right? I feel like that's like something that I just, we need more of, but it's not me, right? So there's that removing of the ego of like, this is not me. This is like God, the energy, the universe, the love, whatever you wanna call it.

Just allowing it to work through me as like this little tiny human that has a little physical entity on this planet right now. I hope that. It's true. I hope there is something greater than us, but I don't know for sure, like I don't know for sure, but that's why I love talking to people that have different experiences because I'm one of those people that I am very on one end, very scientific minded, very grounded in the physical [00:24:00] world.

If you can't prove it, part of me is like, I don't know about that, but I've also had enough experiences. That just, there would be no way to prove it. And so even somebody like my husband, he will be like, well, I believe you believe that really happened. And I'm like, look, man, like. It happened. I understand that if you didn't experience it, it doesn't seem like it could be real.

Even now having been removed from some of these things for a couple years, there's even part of me that doubts it. Like, did that really happen? Could that really be real? But I like the way that you described it almost of like. Pulling back the veil just a little bit that like, I think I just kind of a couple times have like pulled back the veil a little and then been like, whoa, okay.

I'll put that right back where it's, I'm right there with you. I think part of my humanness just can't handle too much of it. I love the way you mentioned the sunrise looking different and the miracle in the leaves and the grass. I started meditating. I used to live in Florida. I lived in Lake Worth, [00:25:00] Florida, which some people don't really know where that is, but it's right outside of Palm Beach.

That's when I first started meditating after hitting my rock bottom. I found meditation. I found yoga. It was the craziest story of how I even got there, but I got there. I. So I've been practicing meditation. I was 21 at the time. I'm 46 now, so like off and on in for a significant period of my life. The last probably 10 years I've been going to a meditation center in Philadelphia, which is where I found out about Ang Lin.

I've been dedicating myself to practicing and I've tried to explain to people that sometimes I have these moments when I walk through the world. I'm not removed from it necessarily, but everything looks different. It's like shinier or brighter. I don't know how to explain it, because you can't put words to some of these experiences.

There's no language that makes in any of our languages. Right. That really can [00:26:00] describe. When reality just looks different and not, again, not in a way of like, I'm losing my mind, I'm not disassociating. I even at one point asked my therapist where I was like, am I crazy? And she was like, no, you're not crazy.

I was like, am I hearing voices or do I really hear spirits? And she's like, no, this isn't hearing voices. I would tell you if I thought you were schizophrenic and hearing voices, this is different. And I was like, okay, good. Because I think I'm losing my mind sometimes, but I feel like it's pulling back the veil.

When you open yourself to it and you pull it back just a little, you start to have these experiences and then your humanness freaks out and is like, Nope, I'll put it back where it is. So I go back and forth between the two. I really liked the way you explained that, the grass, the leaves, and the miracle in all of it.

Maybe that is God. Maybe that is what we're seeing. That shiny, that shimmer, that vibration almost is sometimes the way that it looks. To me. It just looks like everything's vibrating a little bit differently. It's weird. There's no [00:27:00] language for it. I loved that. I thought that was super cool. 

Rosalia: I actually see myself reflected in everything you've said.

All of it has happened to me as well, and hopefully other people will be. Identified with this as well. So I think in mental health there is so much that we can improve and we can support. I am definitely not against Western medicine. I think we have done so many great things and we're saving lives. I'm grateful, especially coming from Cuba, where, yeah, there's free healthcare, but there are no supplies, there are no meds, like you can't find anything.

So even if it's free, there's nothing to support that being free to me. Having healthcare and access to healthcare is like having access to food, water, shelter. So I am very grateful for having that. And I do like to compliment the two, alternative medicine, spirituality, or religion, whatever works for you.

That spiritual aspect of things or that divine [00:28:00] connection to something higher, whatever that is for you. And I feel like a lot of schizophrenics or people that have hallucinations, there's a thin line there, like you mentioned, where people, channel people are mediums. People are listening to messages where they're listening to their guides or they're listening to some divine guidance from within.

And you can get that through your own thoughts, writing other voices. I mean, there's so many different ways of getting it. And then we're so disconnected from that. Divine aspect of ourselves. If you go into the matic realm, for example, they're much more open to being able to listen to the plants and the wisdom and the minerals and their wisdom and the earth and its wisdom.

And I feel like the western side, we're just barely now. Accepting like, Hmm, maybe there is something there. Maybe we're not the only life on this earth or the highest intelligence. Maybe there's something else. We'll believe it when we can prove [00:29:00] it. Just now, they're like, huh? There may be something or open to that idea personally when we can.

Learn to listen to other kingdoms, other guidance. I think we're gonna kind of like merge and compliment each other as, as one ecosystem that works together. I. Rather than, you're right, I'm wrong. This is the right God, the wrong God, the right religion, the right race, the right whatever. How can we merge biodiversity and different kinds of farming?

How can we consult with the shamans for different types of healing or energy healing practices? How can we merge it in? Mental health. How can we bring in breath work, meditation, yoga. How can we make it more of a 360 approach rather than, oh, here's your pill. Oh, that one's not working. Oh, here's three more.

You are numbing. You're masking signs and symptoms. What about inner child work? What about shadow work? What about reparenting? There's just so many things, right? [00:30:00] We're so complex. I feel like we could support each other if we would be OA little bit more open and less judging. You know, and, and, and I think we're shifting.

I wanna believe in the goodness of humanity as a whole. I think most of humanity wants what is best for all. I think we're all trying to support in the best way we know how, and I believe. Our own journey is kind of like life University. I don't necessarily believe that you need the certificate a hundred certificates from, I don't know what university, and not to discredit that, but the best certificate we have is our own journey.

You've been through divorce, financial crisis, losing a loved one. Cancer. You've walked It to me is like, man, you could be an ear for someone else who's going through that. You could say, Hey, you know, when I was going through that, this is what helped me. And just being kinder. To other people. I think all of religion.

Why don't we look for the common thread? Yeah. Love, unity, peace, [00:31:00] oneness, respect and love one another. Treat the neighbor as if it was yourself. Most of 'em have that in common. Mm-hmm. That's not that hard. I don't know how we're missing the point of love. Really, that's beyond religion. Like that transcendence as a race.

Mm-hmm. I think we're in a process of evolution as a species as a whole. I'm in a process of evolution myself. I see it every single day. I'm transforming, I'm learning. I'm doing the best I can. Now, I, I try to bring more awareness into how does the person I interact with leave after our encounter. Am I adding to their cup or am I taking away, am I being an ass or am I actually maybe saying something that can help them in their day?

So now I'm much more intentional and present. Before I was like, okay, prescription next. Prescription next. I wanna get home. Let's go. Let's go, let's go. Come on. You're wasting my time. Yeah, yeah. We all have problems. Let's go [00:32:00] now. I mean, it's completely different. It's completely different. I am there with them.

I listen, we talk a lot more about their, their issues than their actual prescription. So it's like, oh, you know what? I'm having panic attacks. I'm having anxiety. Oh, hey, here's what you could do. Hey, here's this book that really helped me when they lost someone. Just like little tips and things. It's all a ripple effect.

Jill: Mm-hmm. 

Rosalia: Once we change, and that's where the real work to me is, it's in ourselves. I can't help anyone outside myself. I literally cannot, all I could do is like, okay, here's what I've learned. I share it. I hope it works for you, but I can't do it for you and just work on myself as much as possible. And I, I loved when you mentioned like, especially when there's someone I don't like or somebody that triggers me, I've been using a lot the hope point of prayer.

So I'm like, Ugh. But still with that, I'm like, okay, lemme do it. Right after I do the prayer, and sometimes it takes three times and sometimes it takes 10, and sometimes it takes 20 times, but at some point [00:33:00] it's like a weight lifted off my shoulders like. There's just nothing I could do about it. It's their decision, and then it's up to me if I'm gonna take it personal, if I'm gonna let it ruin my day, if I'm gonna let it take me off my center and bring my Cuban loudness out, or keep my meditative self together.

I was actually doing a session with my dad yesterday, which is interesting. He just opened up to trying these things. Um, because he has seen other people in the family that have dealt with addiction and other things and been in a really bad place. They've come to do a session and they are much better.

So he's like, maybe there is something there. So I was talking to him about having an outlet for his shadow side. We all have that side in us, and one of his passions is like boxing when he hasn't done it in years. Oh man, that's great. You could punch screen, kick, do whatever. It's one of your passions. Why don't you try to incorporate that?

He's an electrician. Imagine in [00:34:00] construction, like anything that could go wrong will go wrong in a project kind of. So I get it. It's a lot of stress and you can't really just say to the client, go F yourself or something, right? You may want to, but then you lose that job. So it's like, okay, let's try to find.

Some sort of outlet. He loves walking in nature. So then there's that other aspect, right? And try to find that balance of what can help. I think I'm trying to do that, trying to find balance myself. I think art, poetry, playing soccer, being in nature, those are big helpers for me. Interacting with children, reminding me of the beauty of just being in the present moment and having fun.

Things like that help remind me that there's good things in life and it helps me. Surpass that day or that challenge. 

Jill: Yeah, I love it. And I think you'll really like Tolin. I wrote about it. Yeah. Yeah. Because I come from a job where there's people with a lot of trauma and a lot of things that were very heavy and some days it's hard when you're working, I'm sure you see it [00:35:00] all the time.

'cause a nurse working with people in so much pain, it's almost like a defense mechanism where you kind of have to put a wall up because if not you take too much of it in. It has changed the way I can work with people. When I started practice and like at first, it had to be a conscious effort of hearing some of what they're experiencing and what they're going through and the problems.

Sometimes you just need to listen, right? There's not anything you need to do. They just need to get it out. And so I would just stand there and I would in my head, be like, breathe in their pain. Breathe that love, breathe in the pain, breathe out loud, and now I don't have to go through that part. I could just fall into a place where.

That is kind of what's happening. Like I could feel that shift in me, but it has really helped me be able to just be in that present and not take it on and not put up the wall of just being like, I can't deal with this right now. You know? So I think you're gonna love that. You mentioned Arch twice, and that's something that I started bringing into my life [00:36:00] more in the last couple of months, and it was partially, I started it.

Because I just wanted to do something to keep me off my phone, right? To keep me off social media, to keep me from like turning to that distraction. And so I started creating more art and letting go of this. It wasn't even perfectionism, it was more just like a fear of like people that are good at art, what are they gonna think?

Even though nobody's seeing it, right? But like there was still that voice in my head of like, this isn't perfect. What are people gonna think if they say it? And then I was like, Jill, nobody's gonna say it. It doesn't matter. Just do the process. Because it feels good to have a paintbrush and put it to paper.

It feels good to have a really nice marker that flows on a piece of paper. Being able to look at it afterwards and see the beauty in it and what I created really feels so good. It's so nice, and we don't give ourselves permission to do stuff like that anymore if it. Isn't gonna make me money if it isn't gonna do something [00:37:00] to like help me learn.

Or we have all these rules in our head of like, this isn't worth anything, so I'm not gonna do it. But I really love that you've mentioned it twice, because I don't talk about art too much on here, but more and more I'm realizing what a place art has. One thing that I've been on my soapbox about for years, humans need ritual, right?

We need ritual. But I'm also starting to believe more and more we need art, whatever that is for you. It could be music, right? It doesn't have to be physically something, but like that creative, that joy, that pleasure that you get just from creating with no purpose. Just the act of creating it just made me think of, you know, in cultures where they'll do mandalas in the sand and then they immediately wipe it away because the purpose isn't to have a thing that we attach to.

The purpose is just in creating. I love that. It's so beautiful. I'm glad that you are doing more creating as well. 

Rosalia: Could I [00:38:00] expand a little on that? I know this is not necessarily an art podcast, but art has been one of those. Lifesavers for me. I wanna start with that. So much so that I started doing art poetry and personal development workshops in the community and I could see how it has shifted people's lives just like myself.

Whatever has helped me, I say, Hey, this helped. Let's share it. 'cause what's the point of taking it with me anyway? Miracles happen in front of me. People cry, people laugh. People get lost in the moment. I just started painting less than a year ago. The guilt I felt for making time for painting and not being productive would kill me.

It took me months to be okay, taking two hours to paint for myself, for my mental sanity, and to me is a communion with the divine. 

Jill: Mm-hmm. 

Rosalia: And to me is practicing. It's okay to be imperfect that [00:39:00] it's okay to not know what's gonna come out of that canvas. It's a practice of being that hollow vessel. So I'm like, okay, create through me.

I've never taken an art class. I don't know how to draw from being little. I was always in nature. I didn't have the tools or the supplies to paint or to get into that. I go into a full meditation right before I get drumming involved. I try to get myself out of the way, like create through me. I don't know what you're gonna create, but here use me.

I get so lost in the moment and I don't think about anything. I don't think about my problems. I don't think about what I have to do. It has been one of those things that have saved my life. For my wife, it's playing the piano and that's her thing. She can, she, she hates painting. She's like, no, that stresses me out.

Like, Hey, I don't want you stressed out. So for her, it's the piano, whatever it is for you. Try it. It doesn't have to be perfect. Try it and see what happens. Connect with your inner child. What does he or she wanna do? [00:40:00] And try that and see how that feels and see how that can change your life. I thought it was so stupid.

Literally like, I'm not a kid anymore. Why would I even make time to paint? That is wasting my time. Little did I know it would change my life forever. The opportunities, the collaboration. I have a couple pieces being shipped out to conferences. I have a gallery that wants to expose one of my pieces and I dunno how to paint anything.

So if I could do it, trust me, anyone could do it. I even got my mom painting, my dad painting. Whatever brings you joy, more than likely you're gonna wanna share it with your loved ones. That helps us navigate everyday life, everyday stress. So whatever that is, find your joy. I highly, highly recommend that.

Jill: I love it. It's so beautiful. And we are at the end of our time together. Beautiful. Why don't you tell us where people can find you if, do you have a website or social [00:41:00] media? What do you wanna direct people to? If they can find me on Instagram at Quantum Alchemist Master. Awesome, and I'll put a link in there so people can easily find you.

For people listening, today's actually the Super Bowl. I don't really watch football, so what I'm gonna do while my husband's watching football with my mom and my daughter, my son doesn't watch football either. I'm gonna sit and I'm gonna like create some art so I could be in the space with them and still be present.

But also I don't really like football. I don't understand it, so I'm gonna create some arts. Maybe I'll put on some drumming music first and settle myself and then see what happens. I'll see if it changes it at all. I love that. There we go. Thanks. Thanks so much for coming on today. I appreciate it. Thank you.

In my next episode, I talk with Lowry Brown, exit Guide program director and Brian Rooter, board president of Final Exit Network. Which is a grassroots nonprofit that supports choice in dying Lowry shares [00:42:00] how her upbringing shaped her views on quality of life and personal autonomy at the end of life.

Brian talks about his mother's decision to end her life at age 92 and how it inspired his involvement in the right to die movement. Together they explain how Final Exit network works outside of the medical system to help people make informed. Peaceful decisions about their deaths, especially those with conditions like dementia or degenerative diseases who may not qualify for medical aid and dying.

We talk about the emotional and legal challenges families face, the importance of preparation and why understanding the limits of advanced directives is crucial. This conversation explores death, dignity, and the right to choose our own path, even at the end. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or family member who might find it interesting.

Your support in spreading the podcast is greatly appreciated. Please consider subscribing on your favorite podcast platform and leaving a five star [00:43:00] review. Your positive feedback helps recommend the podcast to others. The podcast also offers a paid subscription feature that allows you to financially support the show.

Your contribution will help keep the podcast advertisement free, whether your donation is large or small, every amount. Is valuable. I sincerely appreciate all of you for listening to the show and supporting me in any way you can. You can find a link in the show notes to subscribe to the paid monthly subscription as well as a link to my Venmo if you prefer to make a one-time contribution.

Thank you and I look forward to seeing you in next week's episode of Seeing Death. Clearly.