Digital Assets, Family Disputes, and Estate Planning Done Right with David Edey

David Edey, a certified executive advisor with over 35 years of experience, joins the podcast to share insights from his book Executor Help: How to Settle an Estate, Pick an Executor, and Avoid Family Fights. Inspired by his seven-year struggle to settle his parents' estate—despite them having a will—David provides practical guidance to help families avoid the legal battles, financial burdens, and emotional turmoil he endured.

David explains three essential steps for end-of-life planning and stresses that silence and lack of preparation often lead to devastating disputes, as inheritance can sometimes bring out the worst in people. 

A key theme of the episode is the importance of addressing digital assets. With so much of life conducted online David emphasizes the need to organize and share login details with trusted individuals. He recounts a poignant example of a friend whose social media accounts remained active years after her death because her family couldn’t access them.

The episode also explores the challenges faced by executors, who may spend up to 100 hours over 18-24 months resolving estates. David shares strategies for avoiding disputes, such as keeping beneficiaries informed, setting realistic expectations, and preparing executors with the support of legal and financial professionals.

For families with minor children, David underscores the importance of naming a guardian and ensuring financial stability, sharing a touching story of siblings separated due to inadequate planning.

David invites listeners to visit DavidEd.com for free resources, including an executor checklist, a legacy readiness quiz, and access to his book. He also introduces the Legacy Builders Blueprint, a five-week course that helps individuals create a comprehensive plan for their legacy, including a Future File to organize essential documents and digital assets.

Estate planning may not be a popular topic, but it’s one of the most loving acts you can do for your family. Tune in to learn how to leave a legacy of

I’m thrilled to share my new line of death-positive apparel and items; a great way to bring meaningful conversation into style and support a small, death-positive business.

These shirts are designed for those of us who believe in open, honest conversations about death, dying, and grief. 

And if you’re a regular listener, I know you’re already death-positive and not afraid to spark these conversations. 

Transcript

[00:00:00] David: They're not gonna plan when I'm about to die. This is what is what I want happen. You've got to get over that and think about what kind of legacy do you wanna leave behind? Do you wanna leave a legacy of a mess or you wanna leave a legacy of love and order? 

[00:00:14] Jill: Welcome back to Seeing Death clearly. I'm your host, Jill McClennen, a death doula and end of life coach.

[00:00:20] Here on my show, I have conversations with guests that explore the topics of death, dying, grief, and life itself. My goal is to create a space where you can challenge the ideas you might already have about these subjects. I want to encourage you to open your mind and consider perspectives beyond what you may currently believe to be true.

[00:00:40] In this episode, I'm joined by David Edey, a certified executive advisor with over 35 years of experience and author of Executor Help, How to Settle an Estate, Pick an Executor, and Avoid Family Fights. David shares lessons from his seven year ordeal settling his parents estate, a process that included family conflicts, ten court appearances, and and 50, 000 in legal fees.

[00:01:06] Despite his parents having a will, disputes arose, highlighting the need for comprehensive planning. David outlines three crucial steps for end of life planning and emphasizes addressing digital assets, sharing how unresolved accounts can cause long term issues for loved ones. Listeners will gain actionable advice for supporting executors and avoiding disputes through proper planning.

[00:01:30] Thank you for joining us for this conversation. Welcome, David, to the podcast. I'm looking forward to this. I was on your podcast, I don't know, maybe a year ago. It feels like it wasn't that long ago. 

[00:01:41] David: Long ago, because when we first, when we saw each other, oh, she is. So it wasn't that long ago. First off, thanks for inviting me here, Jill.

[00:01:49] I was looking forward to this conversation. Yes, it hasn't been that long ago, and it's good to see you again. 

[00:01:53] Jill: It is nice to see you as well. I've really enjoyed talking with you the first time, but now I get to ask you the questions. So it's always fun for me. 

[00:02:00] David: Like I said at the top, you are the driver. I'm just in the passenger seat.

[00:02:04] So let's have our conversation and we'll see what the landscape outside looks like as we're going along on this drive. 

[00:02:10] Jill: Yeah, I like it. That was good. Just start us off. Tell us a little bit about you, where you're from, anything that you want to share. 

[00:02:16] David: I am a certified executive advisor. I've been so for over 35 years.

[00:02:22] I live in Montreal, Canada. How I ended up on this show was based on my podcast, which is called Executor Help, which is based on my book, Executor Help, How to Settle an Estate, Pick an Executor, Avoid Family Fights. And it came from The start of my family's story of seven years, 10 court appearances and 50, 000 to settle my parents estate.

[00:02:44] And they had a will. So I didn't want people to go through what I went through. During COVID, I wrote the book to help other people. It's been two years since the book is out and it's taken on a life of its own. I've met interesting people, learned about the death and grieving, end of life industry, and had people, you know, great guests on such as yourself to make me.

[00:03:06] Look at life differently and also, you know, do my part to help people get through a tough time. But I'm doing it from another angle in terms of preparing, not only yourself, but also preparing your executor. 

[00:03:18] Jill: And it's very important, right? All of the work that all of us do in the different little places at end of life are really important.

[00:03:24] And most people do not understand at all what you're talking about. I mean, I know even for me, there's still part of me that's like, oof, once you get into the executors and the wills and all that legal stuff, I'm like, oh man, I don't know. I try to avoid it as well, just like a lot of people. When your parents died, you said they did have a will, but you still had to go through that whole process.

[00:03:47] process of court and all that? 

[00:03:50] David: It wasn't until I was sitting on that court bench that it hit me. Here I had a judge and two lawyers deciding my parents estate and neither, the three of us weren't going to hold on to it. And during the tough times, the legal battles and the turmoil, I came to the realization that the three of us, we were early on prepared for the Not only the loss of my parents, which was within a year of each other, to cancer, we were also unprepared to, you know, follow the will and their wishes.

[00:04:22] And so we ended up having, there was no conversations. And that's, if anything, as much as I miss my parents voices every day, they didn't have the conversations with us to prepare us for when they would be gone. You would think when something is supposed to be split three ways and equal should be fair, There was one sibling who thought that they were entitled to more, and so they believed that instead of it being a third, a third, a third, they should get two thirds, and my other sister and I should split a third.

[00:04:51] So, at some point you have to say, no, that's not going to happen. Hence, we ended up in court. Ended up being a health crisis because of the stress. Those seven years, I ended up having a triple bypass surgery. When there's silence and you don't want to talk about it. Then you end up having problems.

[00:05:10] Everybody knows somebody who's either has happened to them, or they know a family that's had a damaging family fight, and it's probably because there's no conversations. They didn't prepare the next generation, and that's how we ended up where we ended up. 

[00:05:24] Jill: Oh, I'm so sorry about that. That is really unfortunate.

[00:05:28] And when I hear stories like that, I think about how that would have broken your parents heart to know that their death and their suffering. stuff. Their money, their stuff tore their children apart. I know I would be heartbroken if my children ended up being torn apart over a bunch of junk, essentially.

[00:05:48] It's just stuff. It doesn't matter. But at the same time, I would have done the same thing as you. Like, I'm not saying that you fighting it is wrong. It's just unfortunate that it has to get to that point. 

[00:06:00] David: The idea for the book had come up, it must have been the fifth or sixth time going to court, and I said to my sister, I think there's a book in me, but I've written books years ago, and I really didn't want to do it.

[00:06:10] But then COVID came, and I didn't have anything to do. It was always in the back of my mind, so I wrote the book. I remember one of the times sitting in court and having an out of body experience in the air, and like I said, we're having a judge and two Lawyers discussed my parents assets, and I kept thinking to myself, I don't remember seeing any one of these three at the Christmas table.

[00:06:32] I don't remember them passing the gravy to them or something. And I said, my parents must be, have to be spitting in their graves. When there's no talking and no communication, we have to come to the point where we've got to break that circle of silence. What I've seen is that when you do have conversation, I think the most important thing that I've seen, there's more important things than The money or the possessions, like you're saying, the stuff that's left behind.

[00:06:56] What's more important is, is the instilling the communication of the people that we're going to leave behind. And then we need to have the conversations that we dread and have those conversations now. 

[00:07:06] Jill: Did your parents have conversations with you and your siblings about their end of life care, about their illnesses, or what was that?

[00:07:14] David: You would think that with my 35 years of experience, I've sat in with clients as an advisor. With hundreds of clients, along with the lawyers in our office, and, you know, help them through, you know, answer the questions in case there was something they didn't think of, or, you know, how they would have something worded.

[00:07:32] I can tell you the day that my mom and dad and my other sister and her husband came in to our office and they were doing their wills, I couldn't be in the room. I just couldn't talk about their death. So my sister was there. The other sibling wasn't there. But I was making sure that the family was prepared.

[00:07:52] I always knew, other sister always knew that it would be split. The third sibling didn't know there was a will, but you figure equal is fair. When my mom first passed away, she started to produce false documents saying that my mother wanted two thirds to her. And then within a year, my father had passed, so everything was going to him.

[00:08:13] And then she got him to change his will. She took advantage of a gentleman who was in his nineties and had dementia. So she got him to change. Well, that's where we said, no, we have to fight this. If anything, that's where my parents fell down. Like I said before, is that they didn't have the conversations with us.

[00:08:31] And I think if that, if it had come from them and said, this is what we want, you know, we, we don't want to have this. If you have any problems, you know, any disorganization or confusion or misunderstanding, when we're gone, this is what we want. But when there's no family conversations, then we end up with problems.

[00:08:49] You really don't know about somebody until you have to share an inheritance with them. Believe me, I know. 

[00:08:53] Jill: Yeah. Unfortunately, I know that too. Again, that's a whole different story. 

[00:08:57] David: Exactly. 

[00:08:58] Jill: But it's, The conversation is so important. Having the paperwork done, yes, we all need it, but the conversation, talking to people like you, talking to clients, other podcast guests.

[00:09:09] I'm beginning to understand that the conversation is, if not as important, more important even in some cases, than having a legal documentation, because you need to communicate with your loved ones what your wishes are, and you need to communicate with them that she wanted her to have two thirds, right?

[00:09:30] If that was not communicated. With all of you, and if it was communicated with all of you in the room and mom would have explained her reasoning behind it, then it could have been completely different. But the fact that, you know, and I've seen this as well with families, where a parent will say one thing to one person, and then they say something else to the other person in separate rooms and not on purpose, it's just causing problems.

[00:09:57] So we need to get everybody on the same page and have the conversation so that it will. Hopefully lessen the disagreements and the arguments. God forbid in a case like yours where you ended up having health problems because of the stress of going through this, the amount of stress and anxiety that having these types of problems is going to cause all of you is just greater than we could even imagine.

[00:10:23] And you're grieving on top of it, missing the people that you love. So you're trying to grieve and dealing with all this other stress and anxiety and it's just not a good situation. And it is preventable. I mean, that's the thing. It is preventable. 

[00:10:35] David: It's preventable. And as much as we're talking about the importance of the conversation, It's actually a three step process.

[00:10:41] The most important thing is to first make sure you either update, have a will. You know, 62, the majority of Americans and Canadians don't even have a will or an updated will. So there's a problem there because in the next 10 years, it's close to a trillion dollars that's going to pass to the next generation.

[00:11:00] So we've got, so there's no conversations, there's no will. So you first, you want to. Make sure you have your fares in order by having the paperwork done and having your will done. And then the next thing you want to do is make sure that there's a plan in case there's an unforeseen emergency. Intensive care is no place to find out that there's no will.

[00:11:19] So you want to make sure that you have the will, it's updated, and you also want to make sure that you pick an executor and prepare your executor. Because if there's no conversations, but there's a will, it'll be a surprise to everybody. So prepare your executor. The second thing is make sure that you have a plan in place.

[00:11:35] So it's also, if something was to happen, you know, if it's a power of attorney or unforeseen death, there's no chaos because there's a plan. The executor is prepared. You also want to make sure that your digital assets, all your logins and passwords, it's, it kept in a, that your executor or somebody knows where they all are.

[00:11:54] Because for every one email address, there's at least 160 login places that it, that, that email is attached to. So that's your Amazon, Netflix, you know, your emails. So if you don't have your logins and passwords and someone knows where it is, how is someone going to get into your cell phone? How is someone going to get into that laptop or a tablet?

[00:12:15] So, you know, that's part of the second part, which is the plan. So we've got the will, make sure we've got a plan in case of emergency. And then the third thing is you convey your, have open and honest conversations about what you've done. Yes, like when you had said that you might tell one child one thing in one room and tell another one another one, you get away from all of that.

[00:12:34] Yes, they're going to be hurt feelings, but at the end of the day, You as the matriarch, the patriarch, the mother, father, whoever's estate it is, this is your estate. You can do whatever you want. You don't even have to give anything to the kids. There's no written law you have to. You might give to the kids, you might also give to some charities.

[00:12:51] The point is, you want to have open and honest conversations so there's no misunderstanding and no conflicts. And even though we might say, you know, once we, everybody knows in the open, Sometimes there is still going to be people that are going to fight it, but it doesn't matter, because nobody can come back and say, well, I didn't know, which happened in my case.

[00:13:12] So, have the will, update, prepare your executor, so you've got that plan in place, and have the conversations. Three steps. Easy. Simple. 

[00:13:20] Jill: Yeah. And that's it. It's not, Difficult, but people are so afraid to do it and it can be a lot of work when you're first getting started figuring out where all of your stuff is as far as like all the passwords.

[00:13:34] So many people I talked to, they're like, Oh, I lost that password. I don't remember that password. I have all of mine in an app that my husband and I share. I need to remind him that he has this special access. Every once in a while it logs us both out and he's the only one that has permission to get back in and he has to accept me.

[00:13:54] If something happened to him, all of our passwords are in there. If I got logged out, I'm sure eventually I'd be able to get in. But do I really want to spend days contacting this company to get my passwords? Because I need my bank account and I don't have the login. So yes, you need to just kind of do it.

[00:14:11] David: Just the social media in my book, every social media company's got their own protocol in terms of how to shut down an account or maybe you're going to memorialize it. A friend of mine passed away about two years ago from cancer, but her work anniversary on Facebook and her birthday still pops up and also on LinkedIn, her work anniversary.

[00:14:31] That told me right off the bat. Her husband doesn't know the passwords. He doesn't know what to do. And that's two years, over two years since she's been gone. So people take that all for granted. But if you think about it, we spend so much time doing things online, putting things in the cloud and do our work.

[00:14:48] It's all with a login and a password. Even your online banking, you've got payments going through. If no one knows what the passwords are, what are you going to do? You need to have the digital estate. Aspect of digital assets and a state plan has become more and more important because you need to make sure that those passwords you want to make sure aren't going to be compromised and you have identity.

[00:15:10] Jill: Yeah, you got to make sure that it's all safe. And I'm thinking too, like with digital assets, most of us now, all of our photos are all digital, right? So what do you do with that? If you were trying to share a drive with a family member, because they want the photos too. How does that work? I never thought about that before.

[00:15:30] There's a lot with technology and social media and with all the digital stuff. That is gonna get really interesting because we're still, I think, at a point where, you know, most of our parents, you know, my mom, she's still got like old school photo albums, you know, she's still got like, most of her stuff is still very physical, but even our generation, my generation, I'm 45, but even younger generations, so much stuff is just digital now, you know, and so, Yeah, I wonder how that's all going to work.

[00:16:00] I don't know. 

[00:16:01] David: You're going to have to curate that and make that part of your estate plan. And you're also going to have to figure out, okay, is it, you don't, you don't, then when you're saying the, the, the cloud and, you know, some of the young people, um, older than you, and they might be compromising photos.

[00:16:17] That could be out in the cloud, if something was to happen, that could all come out, which has been a problem for some families when they get the passwords and they go on a hard drive and see pictures they don't expect to see. 

[00:16:28] Jill: No, I've actually had that conversation with some friends and it was interesting because we were discussing the fact of, especially with digital stuff now, it is easy to take photographs of yourself.

[00:16:43] Right? Or photographs of you and another person, or videos or whatnot. One of the women I was talking with was saying some of the photos of herself that are a little bit, let's say like, racier. Her children or grandchildren finding them, it seemed like a body positive thing of like, Oh, look how great our mom used to look or look how great grandma used to look.

[00:17:04] Really? Like how great she felt about herself, right? And I can understand that aspect of it. Then there's this idea that if you have a younger son and you're a mother, it can be really almost traumatizing to a son if they find a picture by mistake of their mother and feel a little initial attraction before they realize it's their mom.

[00:17:29] And that can really be damaging. I've actually spoken with clients that, you know, have, you know, Had things kind of that they're still like working through of like dealing with some of those thoughts and so when her and I spoke about that part, she was like, Oh, maybe I do need to rethink this a little bit and I was just putting it out there that I've gone through any pictures I had.

[00:17:52] I haven't been deleting them all just because. I don't want my children to one day find a picture where I thought my butt looked good in something and so I took a picture of it. I don't want them to find that. But again, that's just me. And then some people are like, oh, well I locked that up in a vault of photos.

[00:18:08] And I'm like, your kids are still going to get the passwords eventually to all these things though. You have to have a password to the vault. 

[00:18:14] David: I'll give you a personal example. A friend of mine passed away. I had helped him with his computer work and stuff like that. His wife, Didn't know anything about computers, and so I had the hard drive.

[00:18:26] It was to help her get into some stuff. So I got the passwords. And I'm just on the hard drive looking for, because apparently there was a page that had their passwords. And I stumble on pictures that this wasn't but out. Leave me. And I, I'm like, I saw what I like. Whoa. And then, you know, I just had a flashback to what I saw and you cannot unsee it.

[00:18:47] You might click one and then you're like, Oh, okay. Then you just click it. There was a series and I'm like, Oh, I don't need to see it. So you have to take in consideration if you're going to have that type of material, which is personal and you can do whatever you want. How do you want it destroyed? I guess you're not going to want it kept if something was to happen.

[00:19:04] So that's another important part of your, look at the left turn that we've taken to come down and we talk about this and we're talking about the state planning, look where we're at now it's, and that's what has make the, the, the, the whole issue of being prepared in terms of, you know, making sure your, your will is up today, but you're also preparing your executor.

[00:19:24] Because you're asking somebody to do a huge, you're asking them to, you know, take on anywhere from 18 to 24 months of their life, or up to 100 hours to settle your estate, but you're asking them to deal with the government, you're asking them to deal with the tax department. And you're also asking them to deal with unpleasant beneficiaries are only interested in When am I getting my money or when am I getting my stuff?

[00:19:52] And they don't understand what's involved with being an executor. It's a tough job. So yes, you've got, you've, you know, you, Oh, I got my will in place. Well, you need to prepare a person to make sure your wishes are carried out. You need to prepare them as best as possible. A lot of people either take the job and they don't know what they're doing, or they're taking it out of obligation.

[00:20:12] Okay, I'll do you this favor. But most people. 99 percent of people have no idea what to do, where to get started, and what's involved. And then you could find yourself in court because it doesn't take much for a beneficiary who doesn't like the speed that you're working at, not knowing the job that you're doing.

[00:20:31] Either have you removed as an executor? Or take you to court. So now you've got to take time away from those hundred hours, settling the estate, because you've got to go to court and fight with a beneficiary who has no idea what you're doing. And I advocate that you want to, as an executor, keep communications open with the beneficiaries.

[00:20:47] Just let them know whether it's a Zoom call every two weeks or an email. Hey, just want to let you know, this is don't make any promises or when they should, should expect their money. You know, you want to make sure you pay the taxes. Everything is taken care of with the government first. Before you start dispensing any money, because if you fall short and the taxes, you as the executor, you are held liable for the estate.

[00:21:11] So the government can come after you. So you want to make sure that you've got a competent team with you in terms of making sure the estate is taken care of in terms of a lawyer, a good accountant and a financial advisor, especially the accountant to make sure that. The taxes are figured out so that you can, you know, you start scratching checks to beneficiaries and then the accountant says, well, you owe another 25 or 30, 000.

[00:21:36] Try to collect that money from the beneficiaries. You're not going to see it. So I always say, make sure you pay the government first and then whatever's left over then the beneficiaries. 

[00:21:45] Jill: Yeah, those are all great tips. And I do love that we're having the conversations that nobody wants to have, right? It is important things for us to think about.

[00:21:54] That's 

[00:21:54] David: why I'm sitting in the front seat because that's the conversations that we're having. See all the different things that are going by as we're sitting in this car having this conversation. The problem is the majority of people want to avoid these conversations. They procrastinate thinking, Oh, I'll do it later.

[00:22:10] Or, some people will just take the view that, well, if I'm dead, what will it matter? And then there's some families that'll do something, like they'll do a will, but they won't tell anybody, so it's going to be a surprise, you know? And that's kind of like with my parents, I mean, I knew, but everybody didn't know.

[00:22:29] So. You have to get over that stigma of, I'm gonna hurt people's feelings. 'cause nobody wants to talk about death. This is the least sexiest topic that anybody wants to talk about. They'd rather talk about planning their next trip. They're not gonna plan, you know, when I'm about to die, this is what is what I want happen.

[00:22:48] So. That's why it's always the avoidance and the procrastination. So you've got to get over that and think about what kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? Do you want to leave a legacy of a mess or you want to leave a legacy of love and order? 

[00:23:02] Jill: I like that wording because I think most people, if they really understood what a mess is, can get left behind.

[00:23:09] It can be love and order instead. People just don't know that. They don't really think about it because they're avoiding thinking about it. They don't want to think about the hard things. When I'm thinking too about if we're picking our executor, is that something where I should pick? A family member?

[00:23:26] Should I try to ask a friend? Does it really matter? Or is there somebody that maybe would be a better person to choose versus somebody else? 

[00:23:35] David: There's no one right answer. You pick a family member that you think is good at administrative stuff. They're going to keep their wits about them. They're going to be able to get things done, set them up.

[00:23:46] They say, you know what, when this happens, this is an accountant I suggest, or this is the lawyer you're going to talk to, or this is my financial advisor. You're going to at least let them have the three basic team members that you're going to need because a lot of the states, you're going to need, you know, three professionals, but a lot of times you might need 14 or 15 or 16 different professionals.

[00:24:06] You think about it, you need a real estate agent. You might need somebody who's going to come in and do an estate sale. So you're always getting somebody else, but you need the basics, the lawyer, the accountant, the financial advisor, are they going to be able to handle all this? That's the tough part. You also have the option of choosing a trust company or a bank.

[00:24:24] But with that, they're professional. They're not going to be, they're going to be at arm's length. They're not interested in your cousin, Bobby, who thinks he's getting. You know, 5, 000 where, and he needs it in next week, the bank's not interested in that. It's going to be more costly. There's a cost for them.

[00:24:39] They're a business. They're interested in your family dynamics. So it'll be more professional, but it'll be a lot more. expensive. I'm not saying it's the right way, but that's another option. You might ask a family, uh, a friend, if it's not a family member, but then it depends on who's the family member, and that'll come up in the conversations when you talk to the beneficiaries who are involved in the will.

[00:25:02] The reason you chose this executor is because blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you know, I hope you'll make his or her life in terms of settling the estate easy on that when the time does come. In my book, I've got a whole list of questions or criteria that you need to look at if you're going to ask somebody to be an executor.

[00:25:21] Sometimes people pick co executors. It could go either way. Depends on who you pick. You hope that the Two co executors get along because nothing can get done unless two signatures on everything. So it could hold up if they don't get along and you need the estate to be settled. It could drag out because one is not going to work at a diligent pace to get things done.

[00:25:44] So you've got to think long and hard. And then on top of that, your, whoever your primary person you choose as the executor, if something was to happen to them, you should always have in your mind, you know, A second person. Okay, if I name you in the will as the secondary person. 

[00:25:58] Jill: What if me and my friend, who was my executor, were in a car accident and we both died at the same time?

[00:26:04] Then what happens if they're the executor and we both die at the same time? Is there a way that you put a backup person in case? You 

[00:26:13] David: would name another person in the will as well. If, if my executor predeceases me. Then so and so would be it, but say you're a couple, you would have each other as executives, for example, and then you would have, if who would be the secondary, if, if the spouse predeceases you, who would you have as an executor?

[00:26:33] So you just got to think of the dynamics of, you know, the pecking order of how you want things, things to be done. And especially it's important if you have minor children, excuse me, if you have minor children, you want to make sure that you name. someone as a guardian for those children, if both parents, for example, were gone.

[00:26:52] In my book, I talk about a friend of mine. She has her will now, but she remembers when her mother passed at five and her father passed away at nine. So, he didn't have a will, and she remembers distinctly in the parking lot of the funeral home, one aunt took her. And the other aunt took her brother and they were split up.

[00:27:16] Today, she's a successful businesswoman, but she remembers that every time she needed money for school or activities, her aunt would always have to petition the court so that the court would release some dollars for schooling or extra activities. So you want to make sure that. If you're a couple and you've got minor children, you name a guardian, and then you, you know, you want to have a discussion is who are you gonna choose as the Guardian?

[00:27:40] I don't wanna plug the book again, or maybe I will. Yeah, please. In the book, in the book, it's got five questions as conversation starters you should have as a couple is who you would choose as your guardians in case something was to happen to. To both of you. 

[00:27:54] Jill: Now there's a 

[00:27:54] David: lot to think of. Yeah, there's 

[00:27:55] Jill: a lot to think.

[00:27:57] David: Look where we've come from. We've gone from no wheels to updating the wheels. We've got inappropriate pictures with people's butts out. And now we're saying, what about the children? See, look where we've gone in this whole trip here with you in the driver's seat. So again, you can't procrastinate. You can't decide that you want to leave your, something wants to happen.

[00:28:19] A spoiler alert is going to happen to all of us. You just need to figure out what would you want to happen? How do you want to leave your family? There's going to be indescribable pain and grief with the loss of you. So you need to figure out am I going to leave a mess for them to have to not only get over the grief, but I'm a mess to in terms of handle all this burden of planning.

[00:28:42] Instead of what I would have, could have, Right now you want to have them to have conversations with the planning that they can now let you leave this earth and transition with joy, peace, and ease. You need to do the planning in advance. 

[00:28:57] Jill: We all think we have so much time and we don't want to plan now because we're whatever age, even somebody in their twenties.

[00:29:06] I remember hearing that you should do some of these things on major milestones. I got married in my twenties and at that point we need to really start having some of these things down in writing. In some states, if you're legally married, if for some reason something were to happen automatically, my husband would have say and what happens to me medically, you know, my husband automatically would get all of my stuff.

[00:29:29] But then I'm thinking, I know couples that say they're married, but they're not legally married. And if kids are involved, what happens, you know, like if you're not actually legally married on paper, If something were to happen to you, or if there's kids involved, what happens to your stuff? If you're not legally married and say, I died and my husband, who's not really my husband, could my parents come in and be like, well, we want all of her stuff and you can't do anything about it.

[00:29:54] I want her money. I want all of her stuff because we're not legally married. I don't know how that stuff all works. 

[00:30:00] David: I, I like to say that you have an estate plan, but you can have the estate plan that you set up, or the estate plan that the government has for you. So whose best interest will have, uh, which plan is going to have the best interest in mind?

[00:30:13] It's going to be the estate plan that you set up. The government has an estate plan for you. If you want to go with that one, it's not interested in your wishes. They stick to percentages. And the legal rights, because you died in test date. And it'll vary from state to state or province to province. I'm here in Canada.

[00:30:29] If you die in test date, it's not gonna be, you would think, like you say, you know, we're not married, but we have kids. I'm gonna get your stuff. No, it's gonna be broken down. Some money, a percentage will go to the surviving spouse. And then a percentage goes to the kids. I know of a friend, he passed away and didn't have a will.

[00:30:49] And the wife only got a percentage. And the kids got, uh, a percentage as well and she's running out of money and she's got to go to the kids to get money from them and they're 17, 18. One's buying a Corvette. Do you want a lump sum of cash going to 17 year old knuckleheads? You let them do whatever they want.

[00:31:07] What could possibly go wrong there? Yeah, right. It's, it's, if you, again, you, you've got the choice. Do you want to leave a legacy or a legacy and a mess? Either way, spoiler alert, it's gonna happen to all of us. You need to decide what do you want for your family? How do you want to leave them behind? How do you want to be remembered?

[00:31:24] Jill: Now I'm thinking my husband and I, we have a will that we created together, like with a lawyer, we did the whole thing. But if We didn't have a will. I've always assumed that if I died, being legally married, not that it wouldn't matter, but like, I would die and it wouldn't really matter. Things would just keep going as far as like, he would have everything just the same as it is.

[00:31:47] The kids would keep going, but it's not that case. In some states or provinces, you would actually have to divide the stuff and give it to people. How does that work? 

[00:31:59] David: Well, first off. Everything's frozen because there's no will, so you died in test state, so let's, wherever, whatever state or province you're in, your, your, all your bank accounts are frozen, because they need death certificates, they need, they're going to need proof, all of, so everything's frozen, so the best way is for, you know, people listening is that, just Google, if I died in test state in Ontario, if I died in test state in Ontario, Colorado or Kentucky.

[00:32:25] It'll give you the list of things that'll happen in your state, and that should be an eye opener for you right there. If, if I, if I died in test state with no will, this is what's going to happen to the family. So again, you can make that decision if that's what you want to leave behind for your family, disorganization and chaos.

[00:32:43] Jill: Yeah. And I think that's unfortunately what happens to a lot of people. They leave behind a whole lot of chaos. And it's not on purpose, they just don't know, and again, because we all avoided it, and so, yeah, I guess that's probably the best place for somebody to start, is where I relive Google, what would happen if you didn't have a will and you were to die, so that at least you're informed, and then you can start from there, and you can start doing what you need to do.

[00:33:10] There is so many resources, like your book, there's websites now, where it'll tell you what you need to do. So it doesn't have to be so overwhelming. You still have to do it yourself or pay for somebody else to do it for you, which if you have the funds to do that, do that, right? Pay somebody else. There 

[00:33:26] David: should be no excuse.

[00:33:29] If we start from the three step process. There's no excuse why you shouldn't have either update and the reason why I say update because there's a lot of second marriages and that's a whole mess of trouble. If you haven't updated, you will and you still have your first wife on there as the beneficiary.

[00:33:46] Yeah. Want some disorganization and chaos? I think that's going to go. So, You first, the first thing you want to update the will. If you, if you don't have a will, then you need to get a will. You've got two options. You could go to a lawyer. Yes, it might be a little bit more expensive, but they can walk you through and answer the questions.

[00:34:05] In my book, I've got the questions. You should be prepared to be answered. Could be a thousand bucks. Could be even a little bit more. Whatever it is, it doesn't matter in terms of the thousands of dollars your families could endure if you're not here. Because there's going to be probate costs, a lot of extra legal costs, because you didn't spend a couple of thousand dollars if that's what it is to have a lawyer do the will.

[00:34:27] Or, there's a lot of online will solutions where you can easily, for a couple hundred dollars, fill out and do your own will as well. So you've got no excuse. There's one called legal wills, you can fill it out within 25 minutes to a half hour. Probably take you longer than that because it's going to ask a lot of questions.

[00:34:46] And it's even got a digital vault where you could put all the passwords, which could be released to the executor as an example. But there's other online solutions as well that you can use. So you've got no excuse. You can do it online from the comfort of your own home. Or you can go to a professional and have them do it as well.

[00:35:04] The important thing is get something down and don't hope that everything is going to go well because it's not going to go well. I can guarantee it's not going to go well. 

[00:35:12] Jill: No, and it's just going to cause a lot of pain and suffering for people that you potentially really love, right? I would assume most of us really love our families.

[00:35:20] And so, you know, we don't want to cause them pain and suffering when they're already in pain and suffering because they're grieving because you died. Right. Let's prevent what we can prevent. 

[00:35:30] David: Exactly. 

[00:35:31] Jill: Awesome. Well, we are getting close to time. So is there any last things that you really want to share about planning that maybe we didn't touch on or anything about your story that you really are like, Oh, I got to get this in there?

[00:35:45] David: Well, in my story, I lived through it. So I'm alive and sitting here having a conversation with you, which is great. Sitting here in the front seat with you. I think again, it's not that complicated. There's different parts to it. In terms of making sure that your legacy is going to be taken care of, first thing, update or create a will.

[00:36:04] Second thing is prepare your executor. And the third thing is have open and honest conversations with your family. To keep the family harmony. Hopefully, it'll go on from generation to generation. You don't want to be Remember for what you didn't do, and by not doing anything, you will be remembered, and you'll, there'll be a come a time where they'll just think about the mess that you left behind.

[00:36:25] They, they're missing you, and then you've also left them that mess. I invite people, they can go to my website, davideed. com. You can go there. I've got free resources. I've got an executor checklist. Um, you know, if you're an executor, or you're preparing an executor, is the checklist of things that they need to go through.

[00:36:45] I've got the legacy readiness quiz. It's 15 questions. Answer those questions to see where you stand in terms of your state plan, what you need to do. So when you get the answers, then you say, okay, this is what I need to work on in terms of the individual situation. Then you can get my book. But you know what?

[00:37:02] If you want to test drive my book, I got a free chapter on there. You've got the digital version. You got the audio version for your listening pleasure of my book. And also the 50 questions that every executor needs, questions that executors have and then need to be answered, again, you can download that or get the audio book version of that.

[00:37:24] So there's stuff, there's free resources, there's stuff on there. And I don't know when this will air, but coming soon on my website, you'll see there's a legacy builders blueprint. So it's going to be a five week course. I walk you through in terms of what you need to do to build your legacy, prepare your executor.

[00:37:41] Have the conversations, just get to organize so that you have someone to walk you through everything. And then we also do what's a product called the future file. We're going to walk you through, fill out your future file. So you've got this giant file folder that all your important information. And also what your wishes are will be in one place, your digital assets, all of those things are written out.

[00:38:03] So if something was to happen, you could say to somebody, Hey, go to that gray file, the future file in case of emergency. This is where you go. 

[00:38:11] Jill: And that's it. Yeah, no, that's great. The book you can purchase from your website. Is that the best place for people to get that? 

[00:38:17] David: Go on my website. You can purchase the book there.

[00:38:20] Yep. Yes, you can. Okay, 

[00:38:21] Jill: awesome. And then the five week course, is that going to be like a live five week course or is it going to be like a self paced? Live with me, yes. Okay, okay. 

[00:38:28] David: And we'll walk you through, yeah, it'll be self paced. It's a hybrid. You'll watch some videos and you'll also be online with me as well.

[00:38:35] Of course, Kurt will always be there. I'm not going anywhere, hopefully. So you could just click and you can go on the waiting list and I'll let you know when it's going to open back up again. So it's always going to be there. 

[00:38:47] Jill: Yeah, because I think that's something that people could really use is just, again, like a little bit of hand holding, just like a little guidance to make sure that we're doing it right.

[00:38:57] And somebody, I mean, sometimes that's why we have coaches for like everything, right? Sometimes you need somebody just kind of, Nope, you're doing good. Just keep going. Just keep doing this. You need to do this thing. Next. You got that one done. Let's do this next. 

[00:39:09] David: Especially because of the topic. Let's get, let's just get, let's get over it.

[00:39:14] If we can do this in five to six weeks, you know, at least now from time to time, you just go and update it. Okay, I got my will. I've got my future file. I've, I know the conversations I need to have. I know who I'm going to talk to. I know who my executor is. I've prepared them as best I can. I've got everything in my future file.

[00:39:31] I'm good. That's my ultimate goal, so that at the end, you're going to know that you've got everything is in order, you know that you've got a plan in case of, in case of emergency, that you've also had conversations with the family. That's what should happen at, not, not should, that will happen at the end of the, uh, end of the course.

[00:39:48] Jill: Wonderful. Well, I'm really glad you created that course. I think that's going to be very helpful to people. So thank you for sharing that with us, too. I know if somebody were to ever ask me, I know where to send people, which is important because that is one thing, you know, as the deaf dual love, right?

[00:40:04] Space. That's not my specialty, but I like knowing people that that is so that if I have a client that's like, I'm so overwhelmed, I don't even know where to start versus somebody that's like, no, already got all that stuff in place, but I need to also do this other thing. You know, I like having people in my network I can send numbers to.

[00:40:21] So 

[00:40:22] David: I'm trying, but I think again, Because of the topic, people are hesitant, but we need to get it done. We need to have those conversations. And like I said before, over the next 10 years, it's going to be over a trillion dollars transferred from one generation to the next, and you need to be prepared. Do you want a legacy or a legacy in that mess?

[00:40:41] Yeah. 

[00:40:41] Jill: Well, I guess that's the silver lining out of your experience. That is unfortunate with your siblings, but you're going to help a lot of people not have the same experience. So thank you for using your negative for positive for the rest of us. 

[00:40:56] David: And the work that you do as well helps a lot of people.

[00:40:59] It's good people to think and have conversations. 

[00:41:02] Jill: I'm trying. Well, thank you so much, David. I really enjoyed talking to you again. And you know what I'll do too is in the show notes, I'll put a link to my episode with you on your podcast. So anybody that listens to this one, if you want to hear more of me and David, you can click that link and listen to our episode on his podcast.

[00:41:21] David: Great. Thank you. I appreciate that. It's a pleasure to see you and talk to you again, Joe, 

[00:41:26] Jill: in my next episode. Liz Fidler shares her journey after the sudden loss of her husband Josh. In 2020, tragedy struck when Josh unexpectedly passed away from a heart attack, leaving Liz to navigate grief while raising two young children.

[00:41:42] Amidst the pain, Liz turned to her passion for flowers. growing a thriving business, Sunny Mary Meadows from a small pandemic project into a blossoming farm with wedding services and a venue under construction. Liz discusses the challenges of running a business while grieving, setting boundaries and embracing joy through small intentional steps.

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