Embracing Grief and Finding Healing with Samantha Ruth

Our guest, Sam Ruth, originally from Michigan but now in Colorado, shares her journey as a psychologist, author, and speaker. 

She met her husband in Michigan at 24, and they reconnected later but tragically, he passed away in Colorado at 46, just four years later.

Sam turned to nature and the beauty of Colorado to heal. Sam's deep connection to spirituality emerged following her loss. 

In her work as a psychologist, Sam encounters many individuals dealing with practical and financial aspects following a loss. She encourages people of all ages to consider these matters, even if it's not a pleasant topic to dwell on. Her husband's logical approach to these matters and planning ahead brought her some comfort when she needed it most.

Sam, a naturally restless thinker, initially struggled with meditation and yoga. Unable to even read, she turned to audiobooks while walking her dog, hoping to find some relief. 


She ventured into meditation, vision boards, and other unconventional methods. Over time, she transformed as a person, incorporating meditation as a non-negotiable routine in her life.

Recognizing the need for support after her loss, Sam created a community called "Griefhab." Drawing on her background as a psychologist, she designed this community to provide the support she couldn't find elsewhere. 

It offers a safe space for healing, where individuals are encouraged to heal in their unique ways. Sam also shares resources and support through her website, SamanthaRuth.com, where you can find her books, tools, and tips.

samantharuth.com

https://www.facebook.com/groups/griefhab7/

https://samantharuth.com/team-ruthless

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-be-ruthless-show/id1554585454

https://mailchi.mp/744821c8f40c/healing-together-through-the-holidays?fbclid=IwAR3KTxKiLb0Qo30FLqviSze22eZtXO-CtjinnSkHqP7nX1SXO_7LrPJc9Eo

Transcript

[00:00:00] Samantha: I was such a type a living life by this schedule and not even slowing down while I was walking to appreciate things around me. I was in so much pain losing gym and I paused and I appreciated the pause and now it's a part of my life and I've learned what a beautiful part it is. 

[00:00:20] Jill: Welcome back to Seeing Death Clearly.

[00:00:23] I'm your host. Jill McClennen, a death doula and end of life coach here on my show. I have conversations with guests that explore the topics of death, dying, grief, and life itself. My goal is to create a space where you can challenge the ideas you might already have about these subjects. I want to encourage you to open your mind and consider perspectives beyond what you may currently believe to be true.

[00:00:46] Welcome to this week's episode. I'm excited to introduce my guest, Samantha Ruth, a psychologist, speaker, and author. Samantha is here to share her profound journey of love and loss, where she'll take us through her unconventional path to healing. After her husband's unexpected death, she discovered unique ways to cope with grief, including connecting with nature and learning to embrace meditation.

[00:01:10] Stay tuned to learn how Samantha's experiences have profoundly shaped her outlook on life, love, and spirituality. Thank you for joining us for this conversation. Welcome to the podcast, Samantha. Thank you so much for coming on. I've been looking forward to this conversation. If you want to start us off just with a little bit about you, maybe where you're from, if you want to share how old you are, anything like that.

[00:01:32] Samantha: Thank you so much for having me. I've been following your work and what you do, and it's so important. And I'm Sam Ruth. I'm originally from Michigan. I'm now in Colorado, and I am a psychologist, speaker, author. I met my husband when I was 24 in Michigan. We're both from Michigan, and we knew we were meant to be together.

[00:01:55] We Had a few years together, but we were pretty career driven and young. Both had some growing up to do. And in our time apart, he moved to Colorado, fell in love with it here. And when we reconnected, he said, please do not make me move back there. So I came here. And unfortunately, less than four years later, he passed away unexpectedly while he was making his lunch at work.

[00:02:19] And my first reaction at the hospital, when I called my parents, was get me home, like figure out a way to get me home. And by the time I got from the hospital back to my house, And I not only had a house full of people waiting for me, I looked around and heard him in my head saying, don't make me go back to Michigan.

[00:02:39] And I realized I would end up staying here as well. So part of what has helped me heal is nature and the beauty of where I live and being able to do something outdoors every day. And so that is one of the big reasons that I stayed is. If I went back to Michigan, I would have been indoors much of the winter, which is long.

[00:03:01] Jill: Yes. And how old were you when your husband died?

[00:03:03] Samantha: I was 44. I'm 49 now turning 50 in November. And he was 46. So very young, active, healthy. He had an undetected heart condition that he had his whole life. They said it was something that could have happened any day, anywhere. I went through that self blame.

[00:03:24] It was a month after I had had major back surgery. Is it because we weren't hiking as much? Is it because he had stopped doing all of these things to take care of me? I met with three cardiologists to ask all these questions, but they said it was just something that could have happened at any moment, anywhere.

[00:03:42] Jill: Yeah, there's no telling sometimes in life. And our human bodies are really fascinating. I think about that sometimes. I could have something happening in me right now, and I don't know. And that's okay. I kind of sometimes don't want to know. But any of us could have that moment where somebody that we love dies suddenly, and I don't think could ever really prepare ourselves.

[00:04:05] Even as a death doula, I don't think I could really ever be prepared. for the sudden death of my husband. I like to think I'll be more prepared because I do think about it and I do talk about it with him. Did you and your husband ever have conversations about what you want at the end of life? Or did you have wills?

[00:04:25] Did you have any of that stuff in place? 

[00:04:27] Samantha: So I have always been an organ donor. I don't necessarily know why, but I was just always Conscious of wanting to do something, God forbid, if something happened to me. He and I did talk about that. We have Red Rocks here. And so at concerts, they will have someone come up and talk and we'll go early to see the bands that play before the bands.

[00:04:50] And so they talked about organ donation and he then became an organ donor. We did talk about wills and those things. So we were very aware of our wishes. That was a little bit different than his family's, his family's very Catholic. And so I know he wanted to be cremated. They didn't necessarily know that his wishes had changed over his life and his beliefs were different than theirs.

[00:05:14] But yes, we talked about those things. He's very practical. He's a financial guy. I didn't like those conversations. Right? Like we had time apart and so we're back together. I don't ever want to think about not being with you. But he understood the importance and thankfully knew to be practical and take care of me.

[00:05:34] He thought of those things. Many of my clients are in situations where There are financial and practical situations that they're left to deal with. I just had many things I didn't have to take care of or think about because he's so practical. I didn't enjoy it on Saturdays, sitting in these lectures and talking about wills.

[00:05:53] Thankfully, he's very logical and wanted to take care of those things and think that way. And I encourage my clients and anyone, no matter how old you are. Correct. 

[00:06:03] Jill: It doesn't matter how old you are. 44 feels very young. I'm 44 right now. My husband's a few years younger than me. He's 41. That feels too young, but also it could happen.

[00:06:15] And if we're not prepared, it makes it already difficult situation so much. Harder mentally, emotionally, like physically everything. If we don't do this work now, you're going to have to face it eventually, right? You said you didn't want to have these conversations. Eventually we're going to have to.

[00:06:33] Samantha: And I'll tell you, there are so many tasks that get in the way of grieving and healing.

[00:06:39] And these are the things that I do for my clients, closing accounts and presenting death certificates and having to turn off a cell phone. Like that stuff is not fun and you have to do it whether you have a will or not. Yeah. So like that knocked me to my knees every time, even if you do have a will, you have to do that stuff.

[00:06:59] Anything you can take off of your plate and have done for you and just not have to deal with is such a blessing and something that it's done for you. It's already taken care of. And that was a weight off of my chest. It was something that I didn't. Has to deal with and I and you're dealing with enough. 

[00:07:19] Jill: Exactly you're dealing with enough and if we don't properly grieve not that grieving is ever done, but if we don't allow herself to have that time and that space and to feel all of those feelings, they're not just going to go away and it can be really easy to get caught up in the well I have to go shut off the cell phone I have to go close down these accounts like I have to do all these things that feel like tangible important need to get done right now.

[00:07:45] which then allows us to push the grief down and kind of, well, I need to focus on this. I'll worry about that later, later is going to happen eventually. So ideally if we could plan accordingly, cause that's one thing too, I created a spreadsheet for my clients where you have just all the information.

[00:08:07] Including like, where's the keys to the safety deposit box? I actually had to ask my husband because I had to put our wills back in the safety deposit box this week. And I was like, I actually don't know where the key is. If something were to happen to him and I had to go to the bank and find that, the first thing I would have to do is tear the house apart to find the keys to the safety deposit box because I didn't know where they were.

[00:08:28] So if we have those things written down. in a document so that we can hopefully more easily find the information that we need to find. It's going to help everybody. It's going to help our loved ones. It is important. You have to go through all those steps of the death certificate and all that. But if we can at least have some of this information easily accessible.

[00:08:52] As well as the will and the advanced health directives and all the other things. That's a great point that I think a lot of people don't think about even including me. Sometimes I created this document because somebody else asked me, she needed one. And I was like, Oh, you know what? There's gotta be something.

[00:09:08] And I searched online and like, there's a ton of information, but there wasn't anything super easy. And so I was like, I'm just going to do it in Google sheets. And you just pop the information in and it's got everything that you need, including who to contact. We all have our lawyers and insurance agents and like all these different things.

[00:09:27] Again, I don't know necessarily off the top of my head what our insurance agent is, like what the company even is. My husband and I have different life insurance companies. Like, I don't want to have to think about that when I need it. I just want to have it there and easily accessible. 

[00:09:42] Samantha: And I created the document for my client for such different reasons.

[00:09:46] It's so funny because even if you know it, when you're grieving, it's gone. You cannot remember it. And so someone else needs to have that. Because if you ask me, I'm not going to know where the key is. I'm not going to even be able to find a number in my phone or remember it. That brain fog is real and overwhelm kicks in.

[00:10:07] And I said to people, please. Don't be offended. This is what I said to my friends and family. Please treat me like I'm an infant. I don't know how to do anything. I have to relearn absolutely everything. And I need your help teaching me because I lost things. I could not function. I needed to be told when to eat, when to sleep.

[00:10:26] Hold my hand like I am not okay and I don't know what's up from down. 

[00:10:31] Jill: Yeah. And that is a great point too, that even those of us that are really prepared when we're emotional and we're upset, all of that can completely just lose our brain. Like It's just gone. And I love that you were able to vocalize that to your friends and say like, Hey, I need help.

[00:10:52] And this is how you can help me. A lot of us don't feel comfortable doing that. And When we are the friends of somebody that's grieving, it can feel really uncomfortable because we feel helpless. We don't necessarily know what to do and they're not going to necessarily know what to ask. And so we end up in this place where we're all just kind of like, well, I want to help, but I don't know how to, and I need the help, but I don't really know what to ask for because I've never been good at asking for help.

[00:11:21] And those are really great points for anybody. That is maybe supporting somebody that is grieving. These are things that you can help them with, including just helping them find the paperwork in their house because they just can't think straight. And we all need that at some point, right? We all need people to help support us.

[00:11:40] Samantha: That's what we're There were people I was not comfortable with, like the people I felt safest with, I could say that too. There were then people I just couldn't be around yet because... Chaos, happiness, crowds, that was just too much. Being in Colorado and having nature, people who could understand that I needed quiet, I needed peace, or puppies, or babies, the people who understood where I was at.

[00:12:06] And so to anyone who wants to support people struggling, I have a friend who was the complete opposite. She could not handle being quiet, right? She needed noise, and she wanted to be out and about, and being at her home that was suddenly silent was very difficult. So, understand who your person is, and even ask where they're at and what they need.

[00:12:26] I needed people who could say, you are not okay in these big noisy places, and you used to be. That is where you used to spend all of your time, so let's make a shift and we are not gonna continue to ask you to go to those places, which is where we used to only see you. So recognize that there might be some unfamiliar changes.

[00:12:47] It was a long time before I was doing the things I did. 

[00:12:50] Jill: I love that point as well, that there's going to be unfamiliar changes where we don't know how we're going to. react when we're grieving. And it might even surprise us where I am the type of person where I immediately think I would want to be alone.

[00:13:04] I would prefer my alone time, but maybe not when the time comes, I might be the total opposite. Maybe I will want to go out and be surrounded by people, which typically now makes me a little uncomfortable. I kind of like being by myself. We don't know what's going to happen. And. We can't always prepare for all of that, which is why having some of the things we can prepare for even more important.

[00:13:27] And when you were saying that your spirituality changed after your husband died, is there any more that you can share with us about that? Maybe what you believed before versus like what you believe now and how you kind of got there. 

[00:13:41] Samantha: I was that person on the go, I was the person, and I still am, my mind races, I, I always have something going on, I'm writing myself notes for the next idea, because of that, like, yoga and meditation didn't work for me, I couldn't slow my mind down, and I was in so much pain that I was willing to try anything, if you told me that standing on my head for three hours would make me hurt less, I would have tried it.

[00:14:10] I also love reading, and I couldn't read, I couldn't process. These things that normally helped me relax weren't working. So I was listening to books on tape while walking my dog. And so I was like, okay, this is, I'm doing this. I never would listen to a book on tape. I prefer holding it. I'm gonna try this meditation thing.

[00:14:35] And it didn't suck. I just started different things. I will try a vision board. I will try these things I used to laugh at. And I didn't overnight start having magical changes in my life. But I did overnight start having changes in my life. A new person. A new something. And so, I committed to doing it, and now it is, I was even telling a client, like, there are things in our life, we have routines, and there are three things I will not skip, and meditation is one of them, I will not go a day without it, and I would have laughed at me saying that, and I now know that I get signs from Jim, I talk to him, I write him every single day, Those are things I would have said, okay, like, she's a little out there.

[00:15:29] Jill: Yeah, that happens a lot where if it's not real for us, it's easy to look at somebody else and be like, I don't know, that doesn't make sense. And then when it happens to us, we're like, oh, oh, okay, so maybe this is real. Just because I didn't experience it before, it just means that, like, now you're able to...

[00:15:47] I don't know, I guess see it all differently because when you're getting the signs and you're speaking with somebody that has passed on, it makes it kind of like, well, maybe this is something, maybe this really is something I've talked with on my podcast, people that are mediums. And I'm kind of like in that space of, I'm open to believing that yes, all of these things are possible.

[00:16:10] But like, it doesn't happen to me. I don't see people and. I kind of hope I never do because to me that seems a little scary. I feel like it would freak me out, but I also believe that we all have different experiences and we all have different gifts. And for maybe some people tapping into that kind of other plane, that other space is a gift that they have.

[00:16:32] I find it interesting for your case. That even with like the meditation, because I love my meditation practice, it has helped me so much. I started when I was in my twenties with meditation and I haven't done it consistently the last 20 something years, but now I'm at a point where yeah, every morning I need to really start my day off with a little bit of movement and a little bit of meditation.

[00:16:57] It just makes me show up in the world more grounded and able to Whatever comes my way a little easier. What type of meditation practice do you do? Like is it guided meditations? Are you doing silent meditations? What have you found has helped for you? 

[00:17:14] Samantha: I did guided at for at least a solid year, even my perception of what meditation is changed.

[00:17:22] I really thought I was doing it wrong 44 years of my life. I thought you had to be sitting on a mat. or a pillow with your legs crossed and your hands at a certain position with your eyes closed and you had to reach a certain state of zen with zero thought in a state I couldn't achieve because my mind always have thoughts.

[00:17:43] Meditation can be whatever you want it to be. It can be, it can be with your eyes open. 

[00:17:48] Jill: That's the way I meditate. Now. I started like five years ago, meditating with Shambhala and they teach you to do it with your eyes open. And the first time I did that, I was like, this is weird. I don't like this. It made my vision get weird.

[00:18:02] I was not about it. And now it seems so weird to me to not have my eyes open when I meditate. I've gotten so used to it. So yes, you're right. There's so many different ways to do it. 

[00:18:11] Samantha: Even my perception that. I couldn't do it correctly was part of the problem. Once I recognized that I was just looking at it in a way that was the problem.

[00:18:23] And if I let myself just take a deep breath and give it a try, things just started to shift. I was walking my dogs the other day and they were acting a little wacky. I was like, okay, we all need to take a little breath here. I can't shut my eyes, but we're, we all need to calm down a little bit, but we're walking.

[00:18:42] So I've learned that the limitations the world puts on things that we put on ourselves can affect. I was such a type A, living life by this schedule and not even slowing down while I was walking to appreciate things around me. I was in so much pain losing gym. I stopped. I wanted to be by myself. Because I was in pain and in doing that, I stopped to look around and say, Hey, look at this world.

[00:19:13] Yeah. And so I paused and I appreciated the pause. And now it's a part of my life and I've learned what a beautiful part it is. And I don't want other people to ever have to hit that pain to learn to use it. If you can learn that this is a tool, there are painful points in life. But you can use this as a tool to navigate that pain.

[00:19:36] It doesn't have to be that painful. My anxiety, all the other experiences I had through those first 44 years, I could have handled differently. My life still would have been the same, but I could have handled it differently. And so now, my parents, people who have known me my whole life, they're like, what's happening?

[00:19:55] Right? What just happened? This would have normally set you off. You did not freak out. 

[00:20:00] Jill: Yes. Yes, and that's how I got into meditation myself, was not handling things very well and I had what I would have considered my rock bottom in my 20s where I got into a fight at a bar and lost my job, almost got expelled from college.

[00:20:17] It just was. Bad. It was my lowest point. Almost like signs from the universe. Like I kind of stumbled upon this meditation center and it just kept showing up different places. And finally I was like, fine, whatever. I'm going to go. Like I'll go check it out. And it changed my life. Genuinely changed the way that I lived my life and I try not to like push any things on people, but it really is true.

[00:20:44] And it could be prayer. Like that's the thing too. The job training program that I'm transitioning out of now into my death school of work. I've done some mindfulness activities with my students, and I've had some of them be afraid that it's against their religion. And I'm like, well, first off, this meditation itself, it's not religious based.

[00:21:05] And I think back to my grandmother, she used to sit in her chair and pray her rosary beads at night. And she would sit and it would be quiet and she would be calm. She was doing meditation. She was doing mindfulness. She was just doing it in the very Catholic way. And so it's not that it's a religious thing you were talking about, like when you're walking your dogs.

[00:21:25] One of the things that I've learned about meditation is I do sit on a cushion. I sit on the cushion and I now again, I use eyes open versus eyes closed, but that's the practice that I do in the morning. Then throughout my day, I try to bring that same awareness of like, I'm feeling anxious. I'm feeling stressed.

[00:21:46] My chest is feeling tight. My breathing's changing. Let me just start to be aware of what's happening around me. Let me find something to kind of help to ground me. So it's the practice of doing it regularly in a focused way that then allows you to bring it into your everyday life. So that when you're walking the dog or you're at the grocery store or you're in your office, when you start to feel that point where you're like, this is like the tipping point, I'm going to potentially just be poked the wrong way and I'm going to lose it.

[00:22:18] Let me try to bring some of that awareness in it really will change your life and unfortunately for you I guess a lot of us you had to get to that low point of being in so much pain that it's like I'm Literally willing to try anything that will help me not be in this pain But we couldn't start this type of practice at any point in our life And hopefully that'll help us meet those painful points because life is going to have suffering.

[00:22:45] There's just no way of avoiding it. And we're all going to die. We're all going to know somebody that's going to die. We are going to have to meet those points. But if we could prepare ourselves for it, then hopefully we can get through it a little bit easier. That's the goal, right? Just to kind of make it a little bit easier along the way.

[00:23:05] Samantha: I know someone in your area who is a teacher and is incorporating it in her class. If we can let others know earlier. Yes, that's amazing, because there are a lot of perfectionists out there, and a lot of type A, who I see all the time saying exactly what I said. Meditation doesn't work for me. My brain is constantly going, and that there is this school of thinking at Meditation means no thought and to anyone out there that's like me, that's constantly going and thinks you have to just have no thoughts.

[00:23:44] Try guided meditation. There's an app called Calm. They're five to eight minutes long. They're really simple and their daily conversation. quick. I invite you to just give it a try there. I've never had somebody come back and say to me, I'm really bothered or offended. Some people might not continue it, but it's a very simple way to give meditation a chance.

[00:24:09] Jill: I think you mentioned perfectionism just now. And that's what I was thinking about when you were talking about how originally you would think this isn’t for me. I can't do this. I can't do that. It's that perfectionism of, well, either I have to do it perfectly, or I'm not going to do it at all. And there is no perfect.

[00:24:27] There's very brief moments when I meditate now where my mind can get very quiet, very, very quiet. And then I'll be like, Oh, look at that. I'm doing it. And then that's it. Then off I go again with the 18, 000 thoughts of everything that I need to do after this and what I need to do tomorrow. And then I'll be like, no, this is your time that you're setting aside to not think about those things.

[00:24:53] And that's where the eyes open has been helpful to me because then I find something that I could look at. So then I bring my vision into focus on the thing that I'm looking at. And I'm like, you can think about these things later right now. Just focus on the flower. I have like a flower that I look at and then my mind will slowly quiet a little bit and then it goes back.

[00:25:15] And like, that's just what happens. And that's okay. That's how it works for all of us. I don't care who you talk to. I mean, unless maybe there's some supremely enlightened, like Buddhist monk. Okay, maybe their mind goes completely quiet, but anybody I've ever spoken to, they could have practiced meditation for 50 years and they'll say, no, my mind's never quiet.

[00:25:35] That's not really the goal. The goal is to bring awareness to the fact that our mind is just chattering at us and then to be like, no, I don't need to do this right now. This is my time. And it does, it helps, but we feel like if we can't do it perfectly, then we're just not going to do it at all. I've taught yoga for Many years as well.

[00:25:56] And I'll say to people something about yoga and they'll say, well, I'm not flexible. I can't do yoga. I'm like, well, that's not the point in doing the yoga. The practice is to keep your body moving. It's a practice. It's not a like, I'm going to do it because I'm doing it perfectly. But we just have in our culture, this like If I can't do it perfect, I'm not going to do it at all.

[00:26:18] But the benefit is the ongoing of doing it a little bit every day. I can't say enough about my practice of movement and meditation and how much it's helped me in my life. And I'm glad that you found it as well, because I do think it's very helpful.

[00:26:34] Samantha: And I, you know, other Sam is laughing at this Sam for saying this because I never would have ever, you could have asked me to predict however many things about myself in the future, this would not be one of them.

[00:26:47] And it's one I will not go, I don't care if I'm violently sick on a vacation of my life. Well, it can be three in the morning, midnight, I will find time. And it is important.

[00:26:59] Jill: And you also mentioned too about how being out in nature helped you a lot with your grieving. What ways do you think that that was kind of really helpful?

[00:27:09] Because to me, being out in nature is a form of meditation. Even my garden outside my house, when I go outside and I water my garden and I tend to my plants, it's. Very much like meditation practice. Same thing if I go hiking, if I'm out in the woods, what kind of stuff worked for you to help you when it was outside?

[00:27:29] Samantha: So I said, I like treat me like an infant. I truly went to, if this makes me feel worse, can't do it. If it makes me feel better, I'm doing it. This is how I made decisions. And we're not talking about joy or happy. It was like, can this increase comfort? And being outside was top of the list. It was really, truly.

[00:27:52] And my dog was grieving as much as I was, by the way. And I could take her to any of our lakes, and she could swim for hours, and we would come home and she'd go right back to the door and look for Jim and wait. And I would literally be sitting outside with her, like I was a kid, playing in the dirt with sticks.

[00:28:10] And it were, that was soothing to me for whatever reason that decreased pain, increased comfort. So I did it every day. And another thing was that driving in Colorado where we lived was increasing my anxiety. I did not enjoy it. And so I kind of made it a game. Like I have to drive without Jim. I have to get places.

[00:28:32] I have got to make a life here and do this. So, we will find a new place in Colorado, and go find a new dog park, a new lake, a new something, and we're gonna do it, and I'm not talking five minutes away, we will go drive an hour away, make it an adventure, get lost, and find our way home, because we have to do something, and we have to survive without him, so we're gonna do it, and that meant I got in the car, and I drove, and I enjoyed having a convertible again and driving and finding new places and like living that life.

[00:29:03] I didn't enjoy living or being without him, but I enjoyed nature, doing something with her and the outdoors. And then we would get back home and she would look for him.

[00:29:12] Jill: Oh yeah. And that's something we don't really think about that pets grieve as well when their owners die. They will go through that grieving process.

[00:29:23] It seems like it almost would help you to feel less alone in the grieving process. Was that something that you kind of experienced to, like, grieve along with your dog? Like, well, at least we're in this together.

[00:29:34] Samantha: So I, I mentioned I write him a letter every night. I talk to him. I have a necklace with his ashes, but I also have a heart.

[00:29:43] And we sit together. I now have two dogs, by the way, which is part of our healing. Truly, it's her service dog. But we sit and we would, with the ashes together, kind of sit and write. And if there's a night that, like, it was around the same time, but if I was, like, off, she would come nose The ashes like she knows the routine.

[00:30:04] So we went to the mountains where we got married for our for my first wedding. And we always go to Grand Lake Colorado for our anniversary together. So our anniversary was approaching and I wanted to go with sassy just us. And, I mean, there was uproar. Everybody thought it was a horrible idea because they were worried about me driving by myself with Sassy to the mountains.

[00:30:24] And I would normally listen when they're all concerned and I did it anyway. And it was a pivotal week of my life. And we met someone who had a puppy. Sassy was happy and played. I interacted with another person. And we came back and I got another, I got Dallas and I ended up joining Jack Canfield's training program and working with him for the next year.

[00:30:49] It was just a huge, huge, I mean, I was like, Oh, wonder what else happens when I don't listen to everyone. And I listened to me. So it was a huge, huge point. Like it was a very big week of my life. And kind of catapulted my healing and everything that's happened since, because I started working with Jack Canfield and I met a lot of the people who have been in, who are still in my life and weren't.

[00:31:14] Jill: Wow, you really have gone through such a transformation since. your husband died, I guess in some ways, what they would say, like the silver lining, right? Not that any of us want to have this experience, but you took the experience and you really kind of transforming your life. And that idea of like, what else can happen if I don't listen to everybody else?

[00:31:35] Because so often, especially as female bodied people, we are taught that we just really need to do what other people are telling us to do. That's our role, is to kind of go through life listening to what everybody says. And it feels so uncomfortable when we challenge that. When we're like, I don't know, maybe I feel within.

[00:31:56] That's what I've kind of started doing, is like, how you were mentioning what feels like it's going to help me, and what feels like it's not going to. And I'm sure if you would have said to yourself, 10 years ago, that you were going to be sitting in the dirt playing with sticks, You would have been like, what the, no way, no way, but it felt like that's what you needed.

[00:32:16] And I've been trying to do that even myself. What does my body feel like is the right thing to do? Because there is a lot of times when people are going to be like, don't do that. But I'm like, but it feels right. It just does. And we just don't listen all the time.

[00:32:33] Samantha: I always listen now. Like that, that was the beginning.

[00:32:38] I now have six books. People have heard that story if they've followed me, because working with Jack Canfield was the beginning of what many now know. I met Kate Butler, who is my publisher and dear, dear friend. And it led to Greethab and all of the things that I'm doing now. And anyone who knows me knows that Always listen to my intuition.

[00:33:00] I always listened to my body because of that trip. That is my story. That was the beginning, but no one wanted me to go. And so I tell everyone, always listen to yourself and what would have happened if I didn't, where would I be? What would I be doing? I could very well still be in a corner crying, dealing with extreme grief.

[00:33:19] That's why I tell people to heal their own way, and it's not easy. Like, that noise and that chatter, the people who love us, they didn't want me to sit home and not go to Grand Lake because they were ill-willed. They were concerned. They knew that driving, every time a song came on, I was pulling over and sobbing.

[00:33:38] They were concerned that it would be harder for me to go. and feel worse. They thought it was going to be a disaster. They didn't know. But I know myself best, and I had no idea why it was the first time in almost eight months that I wanted to do something. Here I am telling everyone, I'm an infant. You tell me what to do.

[00:33:57] You tell me what to do. I have no idea what to do. I don't know what's up and what's down. You're in charge. I will do whatever. I'll follow your lead. This was the first time that I said, no, I know what I want to do. I have to go. I don't know why something bigger than me is telling me I must. And I absolutely had to go.

[00:34:18] And I'm sitting by myself under a tree with my success principles book by Jack Canfield. And someone comes up, Oh, do you work with Jack Canfield? Are you in his training program? And for whatever reason, instead of saying leave me alone, which I would do, easily, I decided, let's socialize. Let's interact with this person.

[00:34:36] Spent the whole week with her and her puppy. Came home, got another dog, worked with Jack Canfield. And met Kate Butler within 7 to 10 days. And I say now, that was miracles from Jim. Those are signs from Jim. To anyone who says, I've lost someone and, and I'm not getting signs. I say, when we are really, really thick in our grief.

[00:35:01] we can't see them yet. So I didn't know. Now I'm like, I was getting signs all along here and here and You're right. 

[00:35:08] Jill: Also, we're taught to not believe in that stuff. And so we may be getting the signs and just not actually aware that that's what's happening because there's still that voice in our head like, that seems weird, but it can't really be a sign from my person.

[00:35:23] And what would that mean for everything else that we've not believed to be true in life?

[00:35:27] Samantha: Even recently, even when we know those things, weird things have been happening the past few months around my house. Weird things. Carbon monoxide detect, like weird things. It didn't make sense. And then I'm like, Oh, I think these are also signs.

[00:35:43] You sometimes don't know until the pieces come together a little bit later. And I've, I've learned that we don't need to know the why that's also old Sam would laugh again. Who's talking right now. You always want to know I wanted it all planned out not knowing and figuring it like it can come together later and it can be really beautiful and it's frustrating sitting here saying what tell me the ending, you know, tell me what's going to happen.

[00:36:12] I want to know, but it can be really beautiful later on when it all comes together. 

[00:36:18] Jill: And a meditation practice helps you be okay with not knowing just being in this moment. I don't know what's going to happen. And I have to also be okay with that. It's okay to let go of that control, but it is not easy.

[00:36:32] That's why we practice. Amazing. Well, we are coming up on time, but what is the work that you do? Like what are your books? I will put links to all of it in the show notes, but talk a little bit about some of the work that you do with people, the books that you wrote, anything like that. 

[00:36:47] Samantha: I will say, since you might have a community of four people approaching loss, dealing with loss, I have a community called Griefhab because Well into a couple years after losing Jim, I said, I need rehab for grief with my background as a psychologist and all of my resources.

[00:37:03] I couldn't find the support I needed. So I created it for others. So all of the things we talked about, the death certificates and closing the accounts and all of those things I do for clients. And I just have a community where people support and encourage and give people the space to heal their own way.

[00:37:21] If that means it. playing outside and sitting in the dirt, playing with sticks. We're going to cheer you on and, and not tell you that you shouldn't go to the mountains and play in the dirt. It's a community of others who get it as well as tons of resources and support from me. My website has all of my books and tools and tips.

[00:37:40] Jill: Amazing. So people can reach you on there and. I will link it in the show notes so it's easier to find the website. But this has really been wonderful. Thank you so much. Like I said, I've been looking forward to this after following you on Facebook and kind of seeing what you're about, 

[00:37:57] Samantha: so. Thank you. Your episodes are amazing.

[00:38:00] What you do is so important as well. And I love it and have been following you as well.

[00:38:06] Jill: Well, thank you. I genuinely appreciate that compliment.

My guest next week is Jeanette Sealy who is from New Jersey and she spent most of her life there, but she joined the Air Force at 17, and she was exposed to suffering beyond her imagination. After her service, she returned home, where her aunt worked in nursing homes and she began as a volunteer. Jeanette quickly fell in love with the work, the people, and the meaningful impact she could have.

[00:38:37] It wasn't just a job, it was a deep calling. For 26 years, she dedicated herself to working in various healthcare settings. Including nursing homes, hospice, and long-term care. Already a dedicated yoga practitioner. She introduced yoga to the population she served in 2003, she embarked on a yoga therapy training journey to learn techniques to bring yoga to individuals on their deathbeds.

[00:39:01] Join us next week as Jeanette Sealey shares her incredible journey. service and self discovery and how she continues to make a difference in the lives of those she touches. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend or family member who might find it interesting. Your support in spreading the podcast is greatly appreciated.

[00:39:19] Please consider subscribing on your. favorite podcast platform and leaving a five star review. Your positive feedback helps recommend the podcast to others. The podcast also offers a paid subscription feature that allows you to financially support the show. Your contribution will help keep the podcast advertisement free, whether your donation is large or small.

[00:39:37] Every amount is valuable. I sincerely appreciate all of you for listening to the show and supporting me in any way you can, you can find a link in the show notes to subscribe to the paid monthly subscription, as well as a link to my Venmo. If you prefer to make a one time contribution, thank you. And I look forward to seeing you in next week's episode of seeing death clearly.